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About Varied / Student Member i perfer to remain anonymousFemale/United States Group :iconthe-smexy-slender: The-Smexy-Slender
Don't take the rose...
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Well, Offenderman has been getting really popular hasn't he? certainly been a pretty awesome thing to have happened, but it has come with a number of downside's.

Primary of which being that it's making it increasingly hard to chat with all you newcomers to the fandom :dummy:

So to help deal with this, i'd like as many of you as possible to try to ask your question's and have whatever conversations you'd like to have with me here, where I promise to answer you at least once.

So ask away :iconblushingplz:


Anonymous asked: Hey Arc, do you ever use Smexy to RP with your followers?
Isn’t that kind of what she’s doing now?

Anonymous asked: Are you offended by people who ship you with their own OCs? Or do you embrace the various and assorted bitches?
I am one of the greatest man-whores to ever walk the face of the earth!
If anything I’m disappointed there isn’t MORE smut of me being shipped with everyone else fictional or otherwise.

anonymous asked:
What if a victim screamed out loud enough for everyone within a two block radius to hear? What would you do then?
It’s not a problem.

Anonymous asked: Smexy? Can you transform into any animals? If so how about a shark? o3o
About in the same way that with enough cosmetic surgery YOU could be turned into a shark.

Anonymous asked: Do you wear socks with your boots?
Nah, I don’t bother with socks for the most part.

Anonymous asked: Do you have any hidden talents?
*He takes off his hat, pulls a white rabbit out of it, hands the rabbit to you, and puts his fedora back on*

Anonymous asked: 2 questions: why are you sexual offenderman and not like idk maybe waffleman or something? did there just have to be atleast one rapist in creepypasta or something? and when i see lemons about u im like can u not please? ok well thats all so see ya ( is it a bad thing that when i hear your name im like WHAT WHO? bye
That’s like asking why was someone even born if they were to end up living a pointless life accomplishing nothing. It’s not up to you or your friends or whatever who pops into existence or not, shit just happens.

And based off what Ive seen of how people often treat most of the other of the “creepypatsas”, people already wanted to make the lot of them out to bee a bunch of sex fiend husbando’s and wifu’s, so why not have a guy like me around to make things official?

Anonymous asked: im 13 would u fuck the hell out of me
Would you raise a stink in the news if you suddenly disappeared, never to be seen again?

Anonymous asked: Smexy, do you like lasers? Well, do you chase them?
If I’m drunk enough yes.

Anonymous asked: If you can teleport dirt off couldn't you teleport anything out of you? Like if you drank poison?
Somewhat, but it’s much harder to teleport out stuff once it’s inside and getting all mixed up with blood and such.

Anonymous asked: Hey Fendy, how would you feel about someone willingly giving themselves to you out of pure love for you?
Heh heh heh… sucker.

Yep. Multiple different kinds of cactus.

Anonymous asked: Smexy, can I make sushi out of your tendrils? *looks up at him with big beady eyes* pweeeeease~
If you want to risk giving yourself intestinal cancer, then yes.
Knock yourself out.

Anonymous asked: I actually have two questions. 1st : why do you rape/kill people? 2nd: do you rape/kill anyone or do you pick a specific gender?
I’ll rape and kill you if you don’t stop asking me that question.

Anonymous asked: Oh no! It seems I broke my pelvis. Whatever can be done, Dr. Smexy?
We could have sex?
I mean sure, your hip would still be broken, but still, totally worth it am i right?

Anonymous asked: Hey smexy, did you hear? It's mating season for slenders.
I wish my lineage of brothers had a mating season  :(

louva64290 asked: Do you like osiria rose? It's a bit like me. White and pure on the outside and blood red on the inside :)
I’m a bit like a watermelon in that sorta way.
I have skin on the outside and wet mushy bits on the inside.

Anonymous asked: So do you just give a rose to anybody or do you draw the line at certain people?
If they could incinerate me on the spot, then I might just have to consider against giving them a rose.

Anonymous asked: Hi. My name is Dahlia. What does the blue rose stand for and what does the red rose stand for?
The blue rose stands for, “Im gonna fuck whoever touches that flower”.
And the red rose…. also stands for “Im gonna fuck whoever touches that flower”.

In other words, they mean exactly the same thing, they’re just different colors.

juliehidalgo1 asked: Who would you do, a hot girl with STD's, or a bitchy, chubby girl?
Maybe even at the same time.

Anonymous asked: Why just why do you rate woman ??????? :-(
Cus sometimes they just need easily understood feedback on their life choices on a scale from one to ten.

Anonymous asked: There are a lot of Slender beings in our world, who among them have you met or seen? Did you find them attractive or something? Just curious < w >
I would fuck all of them if I could.

Anonymous asked: I guess I will be your bitch.... I have nothing left to live for...
That’s quitter talk.

How do you expect to be able to whore it up with the best in the business when you have no confidence in your bitchy ability’s?

Dont give up, be the best bitch you can be.

pinacolada101 asked: You have issues bro. I bet you can't go one day without fucking something.
Can so!

I’ll have you know that I can go as long as THREE WHOLE DAYS without fucking someone.

Anonymous asked: I died a little inside... How's your day?
I ripped my heart out and jammed it in somebody else like a wet sponge :D

melodycasper asked: So basically you will fuck your victim even if they take the rose or not
No, they still gotta take the flower.  But humans will pick up pretty much anything sparkly that you put in front of them, so it’s usually not much of a roadblock for me.

Anonymous asked: Young boys are on your menu too I take it?

Along with crotchety old men, narwhals, and washing machines.

eh-leathary-lemon asked:W..... Washing Machines?
*wiggles eyebrows at you suggestively with a slight smirk*

Anonymous asked: *casually sprays Offender with lots of weed killer and a mixture of sulfur* keep those damn roses away from me!
….Great, now I smell like chemicals and farts.

taro-umazaki asked: what is your favorite thing about Arc?
She’s been able to explain a lot of things to me that I might not have been able to figure out without her help.

Anonymous asked: How many girls have u gotten pregnant???? -_-

ask-archer-the-slender asked: Chloe: What helps you calm down?

Drugs mostly.

Chloe: Oooooh okay. Although I question that. If you can heal quickly, wouldn’t the effects of drugs pretty much not exsist with you? Or do you down bleach to get high? *chuckles a bit*
Bit of both. I usually use way stronger drugs in larger amounts, but also with a lot of practice Ive figured out how to keep drugs lingering in my system, so that way I can actually get drunk off of beer and stuff instead of having to down shots of vodka every 2 minutes.
Although i’ll still purge them on reflex if I get startled or attacked or something similar.
So if I’m high and someone throws a brick at my face unexpectedly I probably wont be staying high for much longer.  
So I try not to pick fights as much when I’m hanging around here with the other supernatural beings cus it’ll mess with the stuff I take to keep me calmer.

Anonymous asked: So, is it that you're actually attracted to whatever you're attempting to have sex with or that you're attempting to fuck it because it can (probably) be fucked and you want to fuck something?
I’m attracted sure, but that doesn’t mean I’m all lovey dovey about it and would want to take care of them, hang out, and raise kids together or anything. Just cus I’m looking to fuck them doesn’t mean I care about them is what im saying.

Anonymous asked: Are you into other slender beings? Or do you just like humans?
I’m into everything.

mrlexie asked: Does age matter to you? .-.
It does matter, but probably not in the way you’re thinking of.

Anonymous asked: Do slender pepole crave human flesh? >.<
Not to an absurd degree though. It’s just the first choice when it comes to craving meat. Like instead of wanting a steak or a hotdog or something, you’d rather have raw human flesh, while eating other kinds of meat stuff kinda becomes like eating spam and tofu.
So being a slenderbeing eating only regular, cooked human food, kinda makes you the equivalent of the kind of person who has microwave pizza and hot pockets for every meal of the day.  

Anonymous asked: i am freezing someone please cuddle me or set me on fire either is fine
How about I set myself on fire and then cuddle you that way?

Anonymous asked: Hey Smexy its me OMGwolfygirl, I lost my account so I have question: So what is your faveriote city to find women? And would you be concerned about a vigilante rescuing women you try to give a rose to?
Scientific bases in Antarctica. *he says sarcastically*
And no, that doesn’t worry me at all.

Anonymous asked: What is your avarage hieght?
Minimum height is about 6′3, typically I’m around seven feet, and generally I’ll adjust my height based on who I’m with or who I’m stalking so that I’m taller than them, but not too intimidating. Like if they’re 4′11 I’m probably not going to go up to them as a 8 foot tall giant.

Anonymous asked: Smexy, has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? :3
Almost every day.
Ive got a lot of obsessive floozys in the rape dungeons

Anonymous asked: Assumption: You are the sassiest person with the biggest balls ever.
Actually, Ive seen some dude’s with elephantiasis in my time, and their balls were bigger than basketballs.
And to be honest, I’m not really looking to compete with them on that.
I’d rather keep my balls practical, like Olympic gold medalists in effective ball use.

Anonymous asked: How do you feel about necrophilia? Ever tried it, eh?
Of course I have.

ask-splendorman-splendid asked: " Have you ever developed a pure white rose before? " ,w,
One time I developed a small purple rosebush, but I got tired of rose breeding pretty quick.

“ oh? A bore? Or too difficult? ”
After I lost everything to caterpillars and drunk shenanigans, I just didn’t have the heart to start over again from scratch.  

Anonymous asked: You know, you would think people would eventually tire of asking the same old 'Do you fuck X' question... don't you ever get tired of answering it?
Nah, I just like making them read however many dozens of posts that occur in between each time somebody asks that question.

lioness-strong asked: True, I could ignore stuff. Logic is just stronger suit of mine, so I like to keep things as "real" as possible. Back to the sadistic side, it's really just a anything goes right? At least that I'm getting from reading the different things on him.

Arc: Pretty much yeah, although he is very good at picking up on verbal and nonverbal cues, and as such is very good at shifting mid stream to a more effective endpoint.
You see, Offender rarely goes into a situation with a specific end goal in mind outside of fulfilling his petty and constantly changing whims, being more of a “see where the river takes me and act like wherever it takes me is where i wanted to end up all along”.
it just takes a long time for people to pick up on this character trait of his both because of how he will often shift his personality in order to seem more attractive, and because it’s just hard for most people to comprehend that lazily going along with whatever happens, and being a dangerous killing machine aren’t always mutually exclusive things

probably the best way to see this is his character, that if you have been following my blog for long enough, you probably would have noticed his inability to pick favorites when asked decide between two or more choices that he likes.
this is because his system of value judgement outside of “get sex” is based almost entirely on what he has  or what he is currently in the process of obtaining, rather than preconceived notions of what he might possibly want in the future.
For instance, if being asked “What do you prefer, blonds or brunettes?”
His thought process will go ‘Well, I am currently having sex with a blond, so i’ll go with blonds’
same if it were vice versa. He’s currently having sex with a brunette, so he’d go with brunette.
if he were doing a blond and a brunette he would pick whichever was currently doing a better job.
but since most ask him these sorts of questions when he’s not doing either of them, he cant make a decision.
so for another example, if you ask him what his favorite kind of chocolate is, he wont be able to answer, but if you give him a bar of chocolate and ask for his opinion, he’s liable to say that the chocolate is better or worse than some of the other chocolate he’s had in the past.
So often times the only chances in which you’ll see him make a definite decision as to whether or not he wants something is to tell him he cant have it, even though he wants it, which is much of the reason why he’s more known for rape than plain sex. Telling him no wakes him want it more than saying yes.

so to put this thought process in context, he’s pretty much built for hundreds upon thousands of frequent, variable, short encounters with an immense variety of different people/things to interact with, making him one of the single most prolific of all the creepypastas when it comes to sheer number of victims. (seriously, compared to slenderman, who probably only takes at most a few dozen victims in a year, offenderman will typically number just over a thousand victims per year)
an because of this he cant afford to specialize very much in the pursuit of specific encounters like we can (for instance you work to get your specific job, get married to a specific person, etc.) because that would jeopardize his enjoyment of and endless number of other random encounters. for instance, if he picked a favorite type of person, it could lesson the impact of another type because of him preferring someone else over them. with the end result being that he is able to rape literally thousands of people without getting bored or wanting to stop.

but it does make things very difficult for him in instances in which he is required to be more stable in his interactions with people. having to encounter them over and over without any memory wiping, for months at a time.
Although he’s not stupid, he’s aware of such problems involved with having such a different thought process than most of his prey.

This is part of the reason he even has Arc as a proxy at all. and since you were asking about writing her as a character i might as well touch on her a bit as well.
so knowing the above, give it some thought as to why Arc why the hell would a supernatural being need a proxy for freaking blogging. why would Arc as a character be so long lived on this ask blog instead of just swapping over to an exclusively offenderman run ask blog? just have offender type his own damn responses instead of getting someone to help do it for him?
well, it’s simple.
Sexual Offenderman finds blogging to be super hard you guys.

He is literally the worst at blogging. He is so bad at blogging, he has to hire someone to help him blog.
And he is such a terrible blogger, because he is crazy inconsistent, and has trouble dealing with people who will remember his actions from even as little as a few weeks ago, let alone months or even years. not to mention he’s deprived from most of the social cues and even smells and such that he would get from speaking to someone in person that would allow him to make effective snap decisions when it comes to how to react to people.

And what makes Arc so invaluable to offender, both on and offline, is that she’s way better than he is at understanding things through text, making decisions, and thinking about things in the long term, making her a halfway decent reference point for him to use when faced with instances in which he has to plan his own future or interact with people on a daily basis.

She’s a tool being used to help him achieve the sort of experiences that require more than just a few weeks of effort on Offenders part, and she begrudgingly agrees to it because she knows the more time she can convince Sexual Offenderman to waste time doing things like getting invested in answering questions on a blog, watching cartoons, and interacting on a regular basis with other supernatural beings that could potentially be helpful in keeping the guy in check, the less time he has to rape people, and the lower his total victim count for the year ticks down, perhaps even permanently if she can get him to take up enough time wasting habits.
Seriously, even bringing his average sexual encounters to under an average of 20 people a week would be a pretty impressive achivement.

roguewarrior3 asked: so offender, have you ever thought of taking some people as proxies for yourself?
I already got a few. Just don’t really have anything for them to do outside of Arc drawing pictures of me.
I had one to hand out roses for awhile, but it turned out to be pretty pointless, and I’ve never needed anyone to stalk or kill people for me, I do all that stuff myself just fine, and getting someone else to do it would just take the fun out of things.
Sure sometimes I need things cleaned and somebody’s gotta take care of the sex slaves while I’m away, but I can just hire people for that.
I’m not going to make a proxy out of every sexy janitor I get to dust my porn collections, fold the lingerie, and hose down the cages.
Proxys are a responsibility, or in other words, they do something wrong and I’m the one who’s gonna get blamed for it!
And for a reason that actually matters , there’s the fact that it takes months, even years to make a legit proxy. That’s a lot of time spent not fucking people for a bunch of servants I don’t really want or need.  

But somehow you still manage to get ahold of Arc. If you don’t mind, I’d like ta ask why you put all that effort into her. She’s a great gal and all, but I just don’t understand why you picked her. No offense, Arc, but I’m just curious.
Eh, she just kinda worked her way into my routine durring her never ending quest to get rid of me.
Most of the time, going to visit Arc is really about the same as checking my emails and watching a few shows on netflix, with Arc acting as a grumpy reminder for me not to do stuff like take drunk selfies and fry her computer, and helping to point out the funniest cat videos and such.

Anonymous asked: Does anyone at the college you go to know that you do this?
Arc: yep

Anonymous asked: How do you feel about the fans who choose to disregard the evil part of Smexy and focus more on how dorky he is? Do you think this is a bad habit, or do you see it as a way for some to cope?
Arc: a bit of both.
it really is important that people be willing to face the more serious sides of Sexual Offenderman, and that there is enough content of him being depicted in a more serious light for people to benefit from it.
it’s fine that people enjoy the more comedic sides of the character, but this is best done after gaining a decent knowledge base about the more controversial areas of the character, and should not reach the point in which newcomers are never encouraged to take the opportunity to understand the evil aspects of the character and what he does.
in other words, it’s fine to have fun with it and be silly, but you have to face the horrific evils of the character as well, even if you don’t produce content portraying him as such.
After all, this is basically what sets offender apart from other characters. If you only want a sexual character, or a silly charter, you’d be better off with other characters more suited for that purpose, like Deadpool and the like.

If you arent willing to face the topic of rape then you shouldn’t use Sexual Offenderman, and if you decide to use Sexual Offenderman then you should be willing to face the topic of rape.
It’s the most beneficial way of using the character for everyone involved.

lioness-strong asked: Thanks, alright one last thing: Just to get this straight, Smexy can't have sex with people who don't take the rose? Or does he offer it and if they say no he just rapes them anyway? I mean if the rose means consent even if he's forcing them to take it, is it still technically rape? Do you see what I'm getting at here?
Arc: he cant have sex with someone without them taking the rose, but clearly whoever made him use this rather arbitrary limitation didn’t really consider how ineffective getting someone to pick up a pretty flower really was as a method of forcing him to get peoples consent before having sex with them.

At best it is little more than the illusion of consent, rather like many of the flimsy excuses used in victim blaming, which is pretty much the roses closest figurative equivalent.
Basically saying that someone deserved to be raped because they were wearing revealing clothing or that they deserved to be in an abusive relationship because they were too love sick to notice the warning signs early enough is basically like saying that you deserved to be raped by a supernatural rape monster because you accepted a pretty flower from a shady looking dude.
Which is stupid, because Sexual Offenderman could literally have put a gun to your head and told you to touch the flower, or else,  if he felt like it.
And the fact that he did end up raping you doesn’t become your fault just because you didn’t know what you were getting in to when offered a flower.
it’s still Offendermans fucking fault because he’s the one who decided to rape you.
and that’s basically what the whole rose thing is about.

lioness-strong asked: I felt bad after sending the original question because of how I had worded it and I guess my resulting guilt made me misread what you were saying. I'm glad that I at least understood that point enough to get it correct. Which sucks for the victims... Also on the rose contract, it's forever isn't it? One rose and your his for the rest of your probably short life?
Arc: yep. although most people actually survive Offenderman to live a long life riddled with anxiety problems they cant explain.

Anonymous asked: We all know how Smexy feels about porn of him, but how do you feel Arc?
Arc: I can appreciate it when people put a lot of effort and skill into it, same as any other piece of art, but i generally don’t care for it much.

louva64290 asked: I was wondering....if you erease peole memories than how would arc know that you didn't rape her?
Arc: I can’t know for sure. I just have to go off of the evidence I have available. And so far ive found no proof of him being successful in that area

thebloodyqueen99 asked: Excuse me Offenderman but can you speak??

You mean like out loud with words and stuff?
Yes, but I cant record anything without the audio getting super distorted. even when I really want to.

Anonymous asked: How do u look fabulous
That sounds like a question for my bro Trenderman.

louva64290 asked: If it rain in my dream, can i call that a wet dream?
If you piss yourself in your sleep, does that count as a wet dream?

Anonymous asked: What season do you like the most?
I suppose summer since it makes it easier to dump people after I’m done with them since there’s less issue of them freezing to death or whatever.
But really it depends where I’m at for which season is best for stalking.

Anonymous asked: What other fashion besides the trench coat, hat and birthday suit do you have? If any?
Lots and lots of lingerie.

Anonymous asked: What was it like changing from man to beast?
Why don’t you go on a drug fueled murder spree and find out for yourself?

ask-raverman-the-slender asked: Raver: *Walking down the street, Raver looked down an alleyway, noticing Offender bearing down on a petite girl and offering her a rose. Raver walked on down the alleyway towards them* Offender! What's up? Random Chick: *The girl looked over towards the man striding over towards them, her blush fading* I- I have to go... it was nice meeting you. *she strode off past them both, moving a strand of hair out of her eyes as she went*
*she didn’t get far however, before Offender teleported up directly behind her, cupping a hand over her mouth to stifle her startled scream before quickly snapping her neck, her body going entirely limp in his hands.
Offender slinging the limp corpse over one shoulder before turning back to look at Raver and say.*

Just doing my thing. How’s it going with you?

Anonymous asked: Have you ever planted a rose somewhere in a dark room while someone was blindly searching for something?

Anonymous asked: Yes condom or no condom?
Sometimes condom, but mostly no.

nikifizz16 said: Why would he even need them seeing as he can’t get an std or give you one so like what’s the point?

Two words.
Novelty condoms.

Anonymous asked: Sooo you wear condoms for aesthetic purposes?
Among other things. Like a lot of people can get pretty turned on by them in the same sort of way lingerie or a striptease could turn them on.

They’re also good for stuff like drug application so it wont just wipe off. Lot of the more out there ones have all sorts of chemicals involved. Like I even found one that’s basically got pepper spray in its interior lining, but there’s a bunch of different kinds out there to try.

Anonymous asked: Do you purr like an actual kitten? If so, that is adorable, Just plain, Freakin, Adorable.
If there’s one thing Ive learned, its that the pickup artists have it all wrong, and that what the ladies really want is giant sweet-smelling snuggly cat-men with a sexy voice.

wintershythe asked: Arrrrrc this dudes pissen me off callen me fat >:c
Tell him about how you could censor his dick with a pine needle! :D

ask-archer-the-slender asked: Chloe: So how did you find out your saliva had healing proprieties? Was it on yourself or a stranger?
I think it was back when I was french kissing a homeless man that I really knew for sure that it was the saliva that was healing people.

Anonymous asked: Do you ever give your victims aftercare? If so, how?
I lick them all over.

wild-crazy-and-beautiful asked: A young woman was handing out red roses happily. She gave them to couples and to men and woman who would give them to there significant other. But no one ever gave her a rose.
* but little did she know that her luck was about to change, as probably the only man within a ten mile radius known to randomly hand out roses to strangers, (outside of maybe the occasional charitable flower street vendor) was sitting on a bench just a few yards away, playing bejeweled on a stolen IPhone*

finnickthefan asked: Do you even smoke weed everyday.
Who needs weed when Ive got all this heroin?

Anonymous asked: How is it that you're able to purr?
I’m not even sure how I can speak so clearly with a mouth full of kitchen knives for teeth, let alone how the whole purring thing works.

Anonymous asked: Someone told me you don't actually rape women you kill them is that true?
Do you see the name “Ladykiller” or some shit anywhere on this blog? No?
Then best to go with the idea that I’m basically named Rapist-Man for a fucking reason.  

Anonymous asked: Do you trust anyone with your life? What is your perfect pizza? If you could have personally witnessed anything, what would you want to have seen? If you could be any age for a week, what age would that be? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the others drown too? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Swim in a pool or the ocean?
-Make your own pizza buffets.
-Actual dinosaurs fucking.
-I don’t really age anymore so it wouldn’t matter how many years old I was I’d still be exactly the same.
-With enough peer pressure anything is possible!
-Nah, the mouse is just a figurehead. The real masterminds are the shareholders.
-The ocean. It’s got more going on.

Anonymous asked: What do you think about Offenderwoman?
I’m getting a lot better at pulling it off without as much of a hassle :D

Anonymous asked: Smexy are you allowed to kill any of your fans or followers if they upset someone in your group, would you kill the person who did it?
Are you trying to get me to kill haters or something?
Cus protecting people from internet bullies isn’t really my style.

Anonymous asked: Heya Sexy~ Just anither fellow Offenderman on Twitter from another dimension. I just got myself a new proxy, do you have a specific sign you engrave into their skin like Slender does with his proxies, or if you don't what would it look like?
Carving your symbol into the flesh of proxys is stupid.
The whole point of proxys is to have a middle-man who wont draw unwanted attention to you.
Physically marking them like that defeats the purpose of using a proxy in the first place.
Like signing your name and address on a murder weapon.

selene-slender asked: "Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass." ;D
It’s all true.

Anonymous asked: For arc: Silent Hill or Resident Evil? | For Smexy: If you were COMPLETELY HUMAN for a few days, how would you spend them?
Arc: ive actually never played any of the silent hills, so i can’t really make that decision.

Being a homeless whore probably.

Anonymous asked: What happens to you if you were to 'ignore' giving your victim a rose on purpose?
Not saying.

Anonymous asked: Roses are red, grass is greener, When I think of you I touch my weiner
I’m so proud

Anonymous asked: you're an asshole. D:<
Awwww, thank you sweetie :3
*his voice imitating an old woman’s as he pinches your cheek.*

Anonymous asked: *A woman is in the alley singing 20 percent cooler, wearing a black hoodie that covers her face, but reveals a bright blue tank top underneath with a pair of green short-shorts and grey combat boots, the men around her are whistling and calling her by her artist name " Sinnah". Some men are waving pads of paper and pencils so she can give them her autograph.*
*Offender, slipping into the alley unnoticed, quietly snags one of the men from the crowd and teleports away with him.
Expecting that in the current uproar, it would be a fair amount of time before anyone noticed his victim were missing. If anyone noticed at all, or cared for that matter.
It took less than a minute for the man to take the rose. After all, suddenly finding yourself in a dimly lit, mostly empty room with a brightly colored rose set in front of you is enough to get almost anyone curious enough to touch the thing if they didn’t know any better.
But it was many hours later before he showed up again. dumped in the street’s with no memory of his ordeal beyond a sick, gut feeling of being violated.*

ask-zana-morningstar asked: Zana: Hay look, I'm going to ask you something you're most likely going to give me a shit answer to, or may not even answer it at all, but I'm asking anyways. Why do you heal some of your victims? I don't see the point. I mean for one it would save you from having to wipe their memories if you didn't and two I don't see you giving a fuck about someone's life. Humans are a overpopulating species so I know its not to conserve food. I just don't understand the point.
Overpopulated maybe, but your question stinks of having never actually hunted people in mass.
</i> This isn’t like hunting rabbits is what I’m saying.</i>

Humans are smart, are generally pretty aware of their surroundings, and can quickly spread the word to millions of their kind within a single day soon as they get the slightest whiff of a serial killer, with about the same reaction to serial rapists if they can find a clear connection between the victims.

I do both, and can go through dozens of playthings in a single week.
In a year, my victim count is literally in the hundreds, even thousands if it was a particularly busy year.
They can freak out across the globe at the death of a single human, I have to take a small war’s worth of humans every year, and do it almost completely undetected.

Hell, in a lot of the places I visit, that is literally enough to noticeably raise the total percentage of violent crimes being committed for the year, meaning that I would pretty much never be able to visit small towns again without raising their rape and murder reports by as much as 100%.
I mean, are you really so naive as to think that the humans wouldn’t noticed if suddenly eight people in their neighborhood clearly got raped?

But if I heal and wipe the memories of the majority of the people I take,then as far as the humans are concerned then it’s like nothing ever happened, regardless of how much lingering mental trauma the one I took might have.
I mean it’s not like they’re gonna jump to the conclusion that they must have been raped by a supernatural being when they suddenly start getting anxiety attacks or depressed for no good reason.
And I get off Scott free.

So no, it’s not about conserving them as food, it’s about conserving their cultures, and their ignorance of my existence.
Cus in case you forgot, I kinda live with the humans, and I’d want to be bothered by the news freaking out about a new batch of people murdered every single week, and have to listen to everyone talk about it as if it were the only topic of discussion as much as the next guy.
Not to mention all the shadowy anti-supernatural task force’s that would suddenly be on my case thanks to my clearly traceable path of destruction across the world.
Honestly, it’s really all just more problems then it’s worth. I’d only bother with it when I got really bored and wanted to shake things up a bit.  

selene-slender asked: "If you could have any instrument to play besides the violin what would it be? Because jazzy stuff isn't really specific"
ask-sexual-offenderman: Eh, it’s in the past. Not really any use thinking about it now.
Side’s, they’ve got six necked guitars nowadays! What more could a guy able to grow as many limbs as he wants ask for?

selene-slender asked: “……well I was going to say sex. But you don’t really ask…”
Hey, there’s only so many times you can sex up a complex musical instrument before something breaks.

selene-slender: She went silent and stared at him “I imagine having sex with a flute would be hard…”
Not as hard as you might think~

ask-raverman-the-slender asked: Raver: *opening the door, he peers inside cautiously* Hellooooo~! Anybody home~?
*you spot a moist Offenderman wearing nothing but a small towel around his neck*
Sure is, so what brings you here?
Nothin’ much. I just wanted to check up on ya. See what you were up to an’ all. he leaned up against the wall, crossing his arms and awaiting a reply
Oh, you know, raping people.
Still got two of them in the back matter of fact, if you feel like joining us. Just don’t kill the smaller one cus Ive still got more stuff lined up for him later.

he puts his hands up, warding off the offer I… I’m good. If you do decide to torture him, I’d gladly watch that, but if not, then nah. I’m not much into raping. Especially humans. Of course there are always exceptions, but yeah. I’m good.
So you’re saying you’re down for watching so long as I don’t rape either of them?
Well I’m not saying that, I’m just askin’ if, I dunno… holler up when you’re done, I guess? he asked ….Eh, whatever. It’s up to you. If you don’t feel like doin’ that, then I’m game for watchin’.
he made a slight shrug
Your loss.

giving raver a friendly pat on the shoulder, he continued with
I’ll hit you up later, we could go get drunk or something .before he pushed raver out of the doorway and closed the door.

skepticfeline asked: Do you actually have an real... friends, Smexy? I know you like to SAY that Arc is your friend, but you're probably just doing that to piss her off, so.. yeah.
When have I ever said that Arc was my friend?

Anonymous asked: Who taught you how to play the violin? Why did you want to learn?
It was pretty much the only instrument we had laying around, so I just rolled with it since I had wanted to learn an instrument.
Still kinda bummed I hadn’t picked something jazzier instead, but it was probably for the best.

Anonymous asked: Do you eat people? If so is there a reason besides the taste?
I dunno, nutrients, vitamins, minerals, good source of energy, satisfying to hear them begging for their life.
Plenty of reasons.

Anonymous asked: What are the down sides of being a Slender? You seem pretty relaxed with the whole idea of being one. Surely there are mind-messing things that comes with it too?
Well, for one thing I cant get any tattoos.

Anonymous asked: I know you can change it, but what is your standard or fixed height?
Around humans, about 6'4, hanging out on my own, about seven feet tall, around other slenderbeings, typically a bit taller than that.
I’ll honestly shift my height around a couple of times a day to be honest though. just kinda depends on the situation.

juliehidalgo1 asked: How often do you smoke?
Pretty much whenever I’m outdoors and not with anyone who would find smoking to be a turn off.

theinvisiblecanada asked: U-Uh hello there Offenderman..! *shivers* Do you mostly like coffee...?
Yeah, especially when it’s closer to a milkshake smoothy with added caffeine than anything resembling coffee.

silvia-rosemary asked: If you consumed less alcohol would you be less sexually active?
If anything I’d be MORE sexually active cus I wouldn't  be taking up so much time getting drunk all the time.

Anonymous asked: I'm also sure you cannot rape a willing participant.
Arc: but they can still be put into a coma, or killed, or be kidnapped and held in a rape dungeon until they starve to death no problem.
word to the wise? do not gamble your life with offender. it’s the suckers like you that try to track him down willingly and eagerly that he really likes to exploit.
he thinks it’s funny how people assume that just because they might have agreed to it at first, that it can’t turn into a rape later on.

xxsweetdreamsdarlingxx asked: Hey Smexy, how many times has a woman, or man, rejected you even though you gave them a rose?
Lots of times. I mean why do you think they call me Sexual Offenderman in the first place? It’s not because of all the consensual sex I’m having

Anonymous asked: Skinny or chubby girls?

dydrya asked: Yo Smexy, who do u hate most? Slendy, Trendy, or TenderMan??
Never met a Tenderman from my universe. Maybe slendy killed him way back when.
Offenderman Tumblr blog responses condensed-part 5
A kind of "best of" for my Offenderman tumblr blog so you guys can have an easier time sorting through and picking out the more relevant and amusing posts.
Archer: *After an hour into their rest he stirred from his frozen state. Laying still was the best way to ease the pain, but since most had been removed he had enough energy to lean up slowly and stiffly onto his elbows, gritting his teeth at the stinging inside him while at it. He was aware not all was removed however so steadied his movements.
Looking down he noticed the shocking amount of bandages over his arms. Oddly enough he didn’t remember anything that happened before, perhaps he passed out from blood loss. But with all the internal damage before he should of long ago. Shrugging it off he turned and started to shift toward the edge of the table, wanting to stand and get his bearings*

*he could hear what appeared to be the loud humming sound of multiple fans running throughout the other rooms of the house, although looking around, none of them seemed to be in this windowless room specifically, although all the doors leading to this room, save for the front door, were propped open, with the surgeon being visible in the next room, sitting at a desk and apparently reviewing a bunch of hand written notes.
When she looked back to check on Archer and saw him sitting up, she immediately got out of her seat and rushed over, saying*

“No, no, don’t get up, stay right there. I don’t want you moving much until it’s removed. We have to wait until your…. uhh, he’s not your friend is he?
But he’s out burning the things we removed from you before they could start decomposing in my home and make it an unsafe place to live in. He should be back soon, and then we can finish the surgery.”

Archer: *Apparently ignoring her he swung his legs over the edge of the table, still gritting his teeth at the pain.
Once he settled, slouched forward and clutching his ribs, he looked at her finally and spoke with a raspy tired voice.*
…Is that so?
*he rolled his shoulder, quickly regretting that choice with a faint pained hiss*
Ugh… why the bloody hell would he… I just… I mean…
*There was a lot for Archer to sink in. The pain, the betrayal, the surgery and not to mention that voice he recognized behind the door. He sighed looking at his arms then back to her*
So are you another one Offender likes to hold against their will?  

“Well… no, he comes and goes as he pleases, but I understand I have it a lot better off than many of those he meets.

He mostly comes to me when he has accidentally healed someone too much and he needs help to re-make their old injury’s before he erases their memories and frees them again.
He used to bring in others he didn’t know what was wrong with, and for many of them it was because he had undone some surgery they had needed due to a genetic problem they had, or had damaged some artificial replacement part of theirs, like artificial hips, pacemakers, replacement heart valves…
I think he’s gotten better about not over-healing people though, because I don’t get as many people with those sorts of problems anymore.”

Archer: *he slouches forward more rubbing his face with a palm*
I think I should count myself lucky then you’re around. Most people, well, not that I can blame them freak out at the sight of faceless people. But I take it you had an ‘episode’ with him before you started this.
*he clutches his ribs tensing his grip, huffing out*
… I am sorry you have to do this for me. But I really appreciate it. Miss…?

“Any name is fine,  and an episode? Well no, not really. I used to work with an organization made to help contain beings like you. The only thing that ‘freaked me out’ about him was how cooperative he was.
Not that I was one of the ones trying to kill your kind or anything!”

*she said, sounding a little panicky*

“I was just a surgeon’s assistant. They hired me after I lost my job thanks to catching a fatal, contagious illness, since they valued having expendable people thanks to the high fatality rate of the job.
I helped perform many autopsy’s on him back when he agreed to work with us, but I wasn’t around thanks to my poor health when the main building was destroyed and most of the recorded research made on him was lost. Although I still had what was in my head from that time, and he said he was able to track me down again because I had, well, you know.
So he found me more useful in helping him with many things than he would a stranger.

And between being exposed to his healing ability’s so often, and the new medications that are being made, Ive been able to stay healthier for much longer than would have been expected of me. Although it’s only a matter of time before exposure to him replaces my current illness with any number of forms of incurable cancer, but there really aren’t any permanent solutions for avoiding death, so I am just grateful I got more time than I might have otherwise.
Not to mention this is definitely more exciting than what a typical job in medicine would entail. So I really can not complain.

Archer: *he leans back up intrigued by her talk*
Well, least Offender has done something right I guess, some very thin silver linings. But you know… most people in your position would go find a hole to hide in and die out of self pity. Yet you keep going, and I respect you for that. Just a shame you ended up with shit-for-brains as your life extender.
*he idly picks at the bandages on his arm, the dryness of Offender’s saliva causing it to itch*
So you was one of them Government cover-ups huh? … Which one where you in? Or is that ‘top secret’ now?
*he jokes tearing a chunk of the bandage off*

“Well, I haven’t heard from them in years…. but it’s still probably best not to give them away. And you can take those off now if you like.”

*she says motioning to the bandages on his arms*

“Those wounds should be long healed by now.
And I suppose he might be overall more useful to humankind than to his own. As much as he might do horrible things to so many people, I feel he has more of an allegiance to humans than to anything else.
It’s just that there are so many humans to go around that we make ourselves disposable. But you would be surprised the lengths he goes to preserve things when he finds something not easily replaced, for better or for worse.

I mean look at you.
It’s clear he caused whatever happened to you, but how many do you know of who would immediately take you to hospital to fix you up afterwards?
You clearly have his favor in some sense. And in some obscene, nonsensical way, he would probably risk his life to protect you.
It’s just that in the meantime he’s so incredibly petty and cruel and awful and random that you can’t really thank him for saving your life in the long run because you’re too busy weighing whether or not it’s better live a happier life in the short run with much more severe consequences in the future, or a harder, longer life with now with on the whole a more liveable consequence to deal with in the future.

That was one of the first questions I had to ask myself when I first started working with him. On the one hand, he’s a blight on humankind that causes untold suffering, but on the other hand, cooperative supernatural beings like him could potentially be the key to ending far more human suffering in the long run.
Can you imagine how much better the life of so many humans could be if we could only find a way to replicate his healing ability’s even a little bit? If he were to be killed, that might protect thousands of innocent people now, but it would also destroy the potential opportunity to use him to help billions of lives.

I’m actually terrified of his assumptions that he will end up having a relatively short lifespan even for a human, because that would mean he would be decomposed and gone forever within less than a week after his death, taking with him so many chances that humanity might never be able to have again.”

Archer: *as he listened he torn all of the bandages off, giving his arms a much needed scratch*
You speak pretty big about him. I mean, you push everything awful about him to point out that healing thing he has going. Even if he willingly allowed you to experiment a way to cure diseases, it will in turn make the sick sicker. Slender sickness, as you know isn’t a virus or anything. But it can drive people mad, and it’s not pretty.
*he looks elsewhere with a frown*
And it’s Offender’s choice if he wants to just go, and honestly things would be much better without him. He’s too unpredictable and powerful for his own good.
And you say he would ‘risk his life to protect me’ but you didn’t witness what he turned into, what he did to me just because I was there. I just saw him one night, laying there in an alley. At first I was just gunna move on thinking he was stoned out his mind, but he wasn’t. So I waited for him to wake, then the next thing I know he grows 12 feet tall and tears my arm clean from its socket… with his teeth.
*He swallows thickly, a little shaken from the memory*
…He then nurses me back to health as if I should forgive him like that.
*he snaps his fingers at ‘that’*
I don’t think it was out of kindness, more the fact he enjoys torturing me.
*his calm posture tenses as a faint snarl is seen*
I fucking felt him grinning at me when he planted that fucking thing in my chest…  


I think you give humans far too little credit assuming we should all be surprised and terrified of what he’s capable of.
*she says gathering up his discarded bandages and putting them in a plastic storage bin*

Not to mention humanity’s willingness to send as many of its members on suicide missions as it takes in order to fix a problem.
So no. Done properly his healing abilities on their own have no known negative side effects.
Not even in regards to slender sickness. The research has been done on the matter. The only test left to perform is to wait 80 years and see what happens to those who’ve been heavily exposed to it.
*Sealing the lid of the bin and setting it aside*
“And fact is, humans will cause endless self-inflicted suffering with or without his help. The amount of rape and death he commits is less than a fraction of a single percent of the number of those acts people are doing to each other each and every day.
But of all the wars and plague’s and problems we already have to deal with every day, at least he could provide much greater understanding of how the world works and countless advancements in the sciences, if we can only reach the proficiency needed in order to use what he has to offer.
And even if all efforts in that front fail, at least it’s comforting to know of the existence of beings like him.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever considered this, but most people are tired of flinching at the things that go bump in the night, because they don’t know what it is.
It’s more comforting to know such things exist than to have it remain a mystery.

If anything, it seems that often times maintaining such mystery is more for the benefit of your kind than for humans.

So I would appreciate you stop patronizing me with such shallow excuses of his destructiveness as if it were beyond my fragile human spirit to understand the danger involved.”

*her voice starting to sound bitter and insulted*

“I lost hundreds of co-workers and fellow doctors in a single day against just one of your kind, and have seen more die on my operating tables from grievous wounds caused by him than I care to count.
Not to mention all of the test’s I have had the chance to perform on him directly.
I am probably more aware of what he’s capable of than you are, and I am painfully aware that a sharp tap from one of his clawed fingers could be enough to kill me.

As incredible as this parasitic rose vine he planted in you might be, trying use it to convince me to be afraid of him it is a mute point, because he could snap my neck with two fingers if he so chose, and there is nothing I could do to stop him.”

*she sighed to try and calm her tone*

“Although if it might help to put things in perspective for you when it comes to dealing with him, I found it best to consider him in the same sort of way as people once used to consider certain ancient deity’s.

Back when it was all about personifying natural disasters and the like, and there weren’t any misconceptions about them being some all-powerful benevolent beings, but rather immortal dickheads riddled with human flaws,  who could occasionally be helpful provided you knew how to handle them and didn’t catch them on a bad day. But otherwise might wipe out your entire village for no clear purpose.

You don’t so much reason with them as placate them with food and wine and the like.
You don’t tell them what to do, you try to convince them that what you want to happen is the best course of action for all involved.
You don’t try to go fight them on your own, you turn them against one another by getting as many on your side as you can.
He’s not a person, he’s a force of nature made flesh, and with enough human qualities that he’s relatable enough to be comfortably communicated with, better understood, and maybe even be influenced on occasion.

But changing how he behaves is still a rather rare and hard to achieve occurrence despite the possibility being open to it, and for the most part, unless you’re equally as powerful and able to force him to do as you demand, then it’s on you to react to him as best you can.

Build lightning rods instead of shouting at the storm to stop, so to speak.
Because giving a natural disaster a voice and a face, and therefore having someone to blame, does not absolve you of responsibility for managing the terrible events that occur as best you can.

Sure, you still have every right and reason to moan your pain and loss, I’m not saying that you don’t.
But as unfair as it might be, as much as you think that you should have no responsibility in the matter and it should all be on his head to change himself for the better, or at least be punished for his actions.
Fact is life isn’t fair, and between you and a thunderstorm, only one of you has the ability to actually change anything, or the desire to change things in the first place, and it isn’t the one who just ruined your home with a bolt of lightning.

But that’s just what works for me when it comes to understanding and predicting him.

Building paths for the lightning to follow in order to protect yourself  instead of standing in the middle of an open field and giving the sky the finger in order to try and hurt its feelings.”

Archer: *his stare was focused and sharp on her as she spoke. Some moments she’d insulted him, yet also intrigued by her advice at the same time*
I never meant to insult you, I was expressing my fears towards him. Half the time I act brave around him, but in truth I don’t know what to do. It’s like I’m made of metal and I can’t avoid it.
*he frowns stubbornly*
But you know something Miss? He was a man once like me, and he CHOOSES not to have any self control. And honestly? If he feels this rose thing everyday I congratulate whoever ‘they’ are for putting him under it. Also lets be honest, you wouldn’t give two flying shits about him if he didn’t possess the ability to heal would you?

*he huffs calming a bit*

Look… I get what you are saying about him and all. But he’s the thing that reminds people why they should be afraid of the dark, and it’s not right making people feel that way. I mean… he could perhaps help a lot of people if he put his mind to it, but that’s blood from a stone…
*He shifts and hutches forward feeling pain through his torso, hugging himself tightly to ease it*
Jesusfuck… he did this all for a fucking question?

“ You know, I’ve wondered for a long time if he had been a freak since he was human.
Now I am a surgeon, not a psychiatrist, but it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if he’d had some mental illness when he was human. From his habits it’s clear that he at the very least has a long history of substance abuse and self-medication.
But you are right. Whatever self control he has, he is not very willing to use it.

And is that what got you into all this trouble? You asked some question he didn’t want to answer?”

Archer: Pretty much. I asked about his roses and he got all defensive the more I pushed him for the answer. I admit I was crossing the line there, but this-
*he points to the center of his chest*
is a bit much don’t you think?  

“Well shotgun to his balls is about the bare minimum of what it takes to get a point across with him through brute force.
So he might be overestimating the kind of force appropriate for his own kind, and just assuming they’re all about as resilient as he is?
Or he’s just leaping at the chance to do horrible things to someone tough enough not to be killed by them. I mean it’s not like there’s a bunch of you to go around is there?”

Archer: *he sighs with frustration*
Yeah, unfortunately that’s the case. I mean right now, I want to get back at him for this. You know? Revenge so to speak for the crap he’s put me though for nothing. Hell, he makes it out like it did some dickish move to deserve this.
*he shrugs lightly*
But that’s wishful thinking, I even feel like an idiot for wanting to kill him… well I still do but I’m giving up on that for now.
*he glances around with a focused stare, looking for something in particular before darting his curious look towards her*
… Do you have any ice cream?

“From what I understand, the trick is to almost kill him as many times as you can until he behaves better.
And yes, lot’s of ice cream. What do you need it for? ”

Archer: Healing takes a lot of energy, given how quick it goes now. And also I’m craving something sweet and cold, something easy for my tum.
*He slides off the table standing with a hand holding the edge of it, he was a bit wobbly*

“…Alright. Although I would prefer if we removed that thing from your chest first.”

Archer: It’s not going anywhere, and it seems to of stopped growing. But-
*his he leans back on the table, gripping the edges rather causally*
if you insist.
*he drums his fingers glancing around*
Did he say when he will be back to finish this off?  

*He suddenly heard a voice behind him say.*

I’ve actually been back for like ten minutes. I just didn’t wanna interrupt your conversation.
*and spinning around he sees Offender casually leaning against a wall near the chair he had been sitting in for most of the operation*

Archer: *the remaining rose-free tendrils stopped their idle curling once Archer looked at Offender. The table he leaned onto ached under his tightening grip, the lights even flickered ever so faintly, lasting only a fraction of a second. He sighed though his hidden nostrils, turning his head slowly to face forward. His voice low and sharp*

*The surgeon, on the other hand, immediately started angrily chastising him in Spanish, and from what few words Archer could pick out, it involved a lot of name calling. Offender then responding with an eye rolling motion and*

Yeah yeah, don’t get your panties in a twist, I got held up okay? I’m not some idiot who doesn’t know how to make a simple bonfire for burning medical waste.

*she shouted at him a bit more, before getting him to set up the various saliva mixtures and the IV bags again, and kindly asking Archer*
“Mind laying on your back sweetie?”
*before setting up her medical instrument’s again in preparation*

*she shouted at him a bit more, before getting him to set up the various saliva mixtures and the IV bags again, and kindly asking Archer*
“Mind laying on your back sweetie?”
*before setting up her medical instrument’s again in preparation*

Archer: *he turns his head just enough for him to see Offender in the corner of his vision, a frown quickly following. Holding his expression his turned facing the table, slowly climbing it with a pained snarl. He laid down as instructed, folding his arms making a ‘pillow’ for his chin*
*After getting all the painkillers and such set up, she was quickly able to remove the anchoring vines from Archers back.
Now it was only a matter of removing the main source of the vines from archers ribcage, them opting to just bandage up his tendrils as best they could and flip Archer back over to begin removing the spiked ball, rather than waiting for his back to heal and the anesthetics to wear off again.
It was a pretty surreal experience to watch her saw open his rib cage, attach a large metal clamp to hold them open, and pull the thing out.

It looked like a sea urchin that had been dipped in tar, it being covered in smallish spines and being about the size of a grapefruit, with limp ropes of thorny vines still hanging off of it from the parts she hadn’t been able to reach in his ribcage.
She examined it for a few seconds before dumping it in her medical waste bin and getting back to closing up Archer.

Which turned out to be much less complicated than he would of expected, because after checking to make sure there were no small pieces left behind, she literally just dumped a half cup of Offenders saliva into his chest cavity, removed the metal rib separator and told Offender to come over and hold his ribs shut.
Offender smiling cheekily as he stood there with his hands on either side of Archers chest stopping his ribs from hanging open as the surgeon swabbed the bone with more spit and put the skin back over the wound.
Literally taping the skin shut with tape, before going about cleaning up her workspace, leaving him to lay there awkwardly with Offender’s hands on either side of him holding his ribs closed and feel the bizarre sensation of his lungs and such regrowing back to their original state*

Archer: *There was an awkward silence Archer was hating so much now the surgeon stopped cluttering about with her tools. He kept his head facing away from Offender, trying desperately to distract himself from being tempted to look at him. Even if what Offender was doing was practical, it didn’t make it any more easy for him.
After all, he was half naked with the biggest sex offender known currently looming over him. The last thing he wants to do is make eye contact with it. Archer was trying to keep his cool, to act like this wasn’t effecting him. But he was clearly tense, wanting to be anywhere but on this table. Keeping his awkward gaze on anything else, he mustered up a nervous question*
So ugh… how much of that did you hear?  

Enough to decide that I had better things to do than eavesdrop on you dweebs.

Archer: Oh…
*he frowned, not sure whether to be insulted or pleased that the serious convosation flew over his head without a care.*
Next time, could you just punch me in the face instead? Because this is a real piss-take all this hassel.
*he says in a demanding way*

To be completely honest with ya man, I’m not sure yet if you could survive getting decapitated, which is probably what would happen if I punched you in the face while pissed. Top part of your head’ll just come clean off. Not a happy experience.
Really fun to pull off though, See the trick is to teleport the air out out the way of your fist to create a vacuum right in front of it that’ll pull your fist forward and reduce wind resistance at the same time and bam!
your fist’s through their skull.
Just don’t do it against a brick wall or something or your hand might explode if you’re not careful.

Archer: That’s… incredibly disgusting, yet interesting.
*he pats Offender’s*
You can let me go now, by the way.

Bones take awhile to heal. That’s why I try to have as few as possible.
But if you’re sure…

*he carefully took his hands off Archers sides and took a step back, only for the surgeon, coming back into the room with an armful of bandages, to scold him for not bracing the ribcage before she could apply bandages to keep it in place, so he put his hands back on, and kept them in place as she got Archer to carefully sit up so she could bandage his chest, doing so rather quickly, leaving Archer to finally be able to move about, with a warning that the let her know should he feel his bones slipping so she could re-set them, since she didn’t staple the bones together to hold them in place since she assumed he would heal too fast for it.*

Archer: *he just laid there, still as road kill as he waited, allowing his bones to heal to their strongest. As he did he recalled the last thing Offender said*
I thought you didn’t have bones…
*he said coldly, still holding a grudge*

They come and go, and the ones in the hard to reach places stick around longer than others. Mostly in the torso and hips area.

Archer: *he finally leans up slowly onto his elbows, inhaling deeply before sighing out calmly, the first real breath he has taken in since. Although, it confused him to why he didn’t simply die when his lungs and, well, everything else was shredded from the inside out. He finally looked at Offender, his expression not pleased in the slightest.*
I didn’t think I threaten you so much to deserve this crap from you.

Don’t flatter yourself.

*he said as he got out what looked like a hand rolled cigarette and lit it, taking a few puffs*

In my experience so far you’ve been about as threatening as a Pomeranian. It makes me sad just looking at you.
I’m seriously tempted to just hand you the cheater ways to get the upper hand on me on a silver fucking platter out of sheer pity.

Archer: Hey! *he points a finger at him angrily*
I’ve put up with your bullshit from the very start! And all you do it fuck me about when all I did was ask a stupid question about your God damn roses! … Or are they even YOUR roses?
*he leans completely up and shimmers over to the edge, keeping his posture rather strong*
Mock me all you like, but unlike you I can do what ever I damn well please.
Heh, no you cant. You aren’t prepared to face the consequences for actually doing whatever you damn well please.

You aren’t making or breaking the rules, you’re just following them, because working together with others takes sacrifice on your part to keep things going smoothly.
And for guys like you the consequences of potentially losing the people who care about you is a fate worse than death. So you follow the rules.

But that’s not the kinda guy I am.
All that stuff that get’s you to willingly follow the rules is not satisfying to me.
And you might like to think that all those other options are still available to you, if you only choose to take them, but that’s wishful thinking. They’re choices in the same way that putting your hand on a hot stove and burning off all the skin to the bone is technically “a choice you could make”.
But fact is, freedom means having the ability to do both “good” and “bad” things, and I am always going to be more free than you will ever be, even with my few limitations, which frankly only stop me just short of doing something you wouldn’t even be doing in the first place Mr. “wont even burn his own hand off for no reason”.
And that’s fine, it’s not like everyone  has to have all the freedom all the time or anything. How would that even work? You’d probably have to unmake all of existence in order to be truly limitless.

But if you’re really looking to feel all superior and rub your freedom in my face, then there is one big area in which you can one up me.
You can actually justify being bored and miserable to yourself.

“Ohhhhhhh, I’m sacrificing my happiness so im not a danger to the people around me.”
“Look at me, I can break up with my girlfriend for her benefit.”
“Watch me not steal all this stuff even though I totally could and don’t really have any reason not to besides feeling sorta bad about it.”

Hell, you could probably go for years not doing a single fun thing for yourself. Way to go for having the freedom to choose to be miserable or bored, unlike that sorry douche-bag with the compulsion to be kinda happy, or at least angry all the time.

Archer: So you’re saying in order to have a great time, I have to make everyone else around me miserable? And no, I don’t get bored and feel at all sad about that I do. Yeah I question it a lot. But I think I have the right to know.
In fact, I take pride in what I do, and look out for those that can’t help themselves. And unlike that useless Splendor that only hangs around the people that need him the most… I do something about it, and if the bothers you then so be it. You just choose to do absolutely NOTHING even before you died, expecting things to just fall on your lap. And when they finally did after you died, here you are, doing nothing but plucking wings off of flies just to keep you from getting bored.

HEY, don’t take it out on Splendy, he’s doing the best he can. And without him, you wouldn’t even be able to think about “helping others” or “being your own person”.
It’s not even his fault for not dealing with me.

And yeah, I had stuff just falling into my lap all the fucking time. Just like the orphans born with HIV get a cushy place to live after they outlive their sick parents so they can die in their late teens in peace and comfort.
Just like kids dying of cancer get things like meeting their favorite celebrity just handed to them by the make a wish foundation for no effort on their part. Get into a good school and be all classy and dignified for “your kind” and learn to play the violin and shit because distant relatives feel sorry for you and nobody expects you to live past 20.

Well In their fucking faces I suppose cus I totally made it past 20.
Not that I had really wanted too or planed for that, having set up my whole life with the expectation I’d drop dead sometime around then, instead of someone coming around and saying

“Hey friend! Why don’t you become a horny drug abusing 18 year old pretentious douche-bag forever and ever! Just like how I can’t ever stop acting like a bubbly, naive, happy go lucky seven year old even though I’m over a hundred years old! And my little brother can’t ever find a new hobby or get out of his scorned gay lover phase and just settle down with someone no matter how much he might want too! ”

And how you probably wont ever be able to stop being a self-righteous little prick with a tortured hero complex!

Archer: *he stared at Offender, rather calmly in fact*
Learn to play the violin? … You were a dead man walking from birth.

 Right up until I became basically immortal out of fucking nowhere.
But it never feels like it.

It’s never, “Hey, Im gonna live for century’s, time to sit on the couch for weeks at a time binge watching tv”  it’s still “hey, I probably wont wake up tomorrow, better make the most of today so you don’t regret having not doing something.”
Only now it’s more “Better keep yourself busy so you don’t drive yourself completely bonkers and miss out on all the fun.”

But I know one of these days I’m gonna just run out of fun new things to do and just die of stress if something doesn’t kill me before then.

But that’s still way better than what I had before so can’t really complain.
I mean I just got to rip my own heart out today and shove it in another guy where it got all surrealist horror and started killing him with flowers, like an ironic twist on the hippy junk of using flowers as like a sign of peace or something.
You have to admit, from a non-biased perspective that’s pretty cool.

Like if you saw it in a movie or something, instead of being the guy who went through lots of pain and hours of surgery to deal with it.

Hell, even as that guy who had to go through hours of surgery and pain to deal with it afterward.
As a human, you’d have gotten the same result with falling down a flight of stairs and breaking both your legs. If not more severe cus people can get crippled for life with that sort of thing.

Instead of some stupid ordinary bullshit like that, you get some kickass mortal combat bullshit that you get to walk away from feeling like a total badass.

Like “Yeah, I just watched myself get open heart surgery like ain’t no thing. Wasn’t even like a regular doctor in a hospital, just some mob doctor supernatural investigator chick workin out of her living room.”

Way cooler than being a human. Being alive and junk to experience it is awesome.

Archer: *his brows rose up enlightened, he even nodded a little in agreement*
That’s… a pretty good point. It is much interesting when you put it that way. Although I don’t see how you raping everyone fits into it all. Sure sex is a time killer but making a hobby out of it seems a teeny tiny wee bit… desperate?
*he frowns a bit, more in thought*
Did you die a raging regretful virgin or something?  

Pfft, no. I got killed for fucking my bosses son.
I did a lot of kinky shit back when I was alive, but it was mostly with bs&m clubs and brothels and stuff. I don’t think I ever actually raped anyone when I was human. Although I did end up doin it like 20 minutes after I first got turned into a slender.

It spooked Splendy right the fuck out, so he ran off and I didn’t see him again for months and I was left to figure stuff out on my own.
The whole raping people thing really didn’t become a big deal up until people started making it a big deal.
It was just something else that happened during my murder spree’s, I didn’t think too much of it, even when I started to get really addicted to sex and a sizable group of chicks started demanding it from me all the time.

Although Splendy kept getting more and more uncomfortable about it, cus you know how we’re supposed to feed off human soul energy and stuff?

Well his assumption was I would just wear myself out after awhile cus he had never gotten the chance to teach me how to refill my battery so to speak. But I’d stumbled into that bit of info on my own with all the sex I’d been having.
So I just figure, “Hey, I must be fueled by sex. Weird, but I can deal with that” and nobody bothered to correct me on that up until I started figuring out that underage people worked way better in that regard than adults did and Slendy came and put his foot down on the matter.  
First time I even met the guy. And all I get out of the guy is him sayin
“Quit being a pedophile you creep, or there’ll be consequences”
In the spookiest way possible before disappearing again.
And all I could think was
“Consequences? Sweet! That means I could maybe get whoever he was to show up again and fucking explain a thing or two by not doing that thing he said.”

So then I get consequenced and, Splendy finally decides to show up to calm me down from a consequence induced mass murder and explain shit to me while I recover afterwards, I finally get to meet Trendy and learn that they’d apparently already been calling me Sexual Offenderman for months now, so I’m just like “Okay, I guess it’s too late to get a less dumb sounding name.”
And that’s how that went.
And before you start getting all pissy at Splendorman again, I was talking with Arc about it  and she actually brought up a good point and it’s “What do you think a kindhearted preteen who’s seen the horrors of the world would be most afraid of?”
That kinda made sense to me.

Archer: …Well. I’m not surprised Splendor ditched you after all that crap you pulled off, well STILL pulling off.
*He grabs the remains of that was left of his hoody and jacket, the fabrics seemingly healing back to their original self at his touch, as if they were made of flesh*
Although the name thing isn’t much of a surprise. Sexual Offenderman. Not a title to be proud of in my opinion.
*he slips into his hoody, keeping the hood up*
You know, after surviving that long from birth with all the odds stacked against you, a lot of people would of admired your strength and will to keep living as long as you did. I mean, I see your point with the ‘better do everything while I can’ but to get that far and get murdered just because you couldn’t keep your cock to yourself? Seems pointless. *he then slips into his jacket*    

Eh, meaning is pretty arbitrary anyway. And too often used as an excuse to back up peoples sense of morality for my liking.

I mean yeah, basically everything Ive done is pointless if you only judge “having a point” as something “serving the greater good”.
So really, you’re not gonna convince me of anything for trying to argue that me getting almost killed for accepting the advances of another man was pointless and I should have known better.

Fact is it lead to a lot of big things that would later impact the world in pretty big ways, so I get to say pretty confidently that ive made a difference in the world, and ive largely succeeded at my one goal of leading a pretty happy life all things considered.

Not to mention that I’m not sure you would have even existed if it wasn’t for me being such an awful guy. So I guess if you really want a more personal point to me having almost been killed, and later turned into a slenderbeing, then you could probably use the
“It lead to Splendy being more careful about the half-dead humans he turns thus leading to you getting picked out to become a slenderbeing”
Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was on the lookout specifically for guys with heroic tendencies after what I put him through.
Although it’s hard to know for sure, you’d have to ask him about it.

*his tone getting cheeky, a wide grin splitting across his face*

 Although it would be hilarious if the whole reason for your existence was to be less of a dick than I am.
A me 2.0, now with 90% less asshole behavior!

After all, you defiantly look the part of the result of an upset Splendy trying to recreate me, but better behaved this time.

Archer: I’m flattered you think that way.
*he said in a flat tone*
But I don’t think his intentions was to recreate you… if Splendor could spare me a second to simply tell me why he made me this way. Instead of blocking me out all the time. That would be great.
*He huffs frowning at Offender*
‘Spose he must think I would of came out the same, like you, so that’s why he never shows himself to me. But I’m nothing like you, and never will be.
*he glances around the room, looking for the Spanish woman he almost forgot about*
*She was off in the other room, the thing she had removed from Archers chest on a plate beside her as she wrote into a large journal, which had a few scattered drawings of the thing*

Nah, I know he’s not that blind as to assume you turned out like me when you clearly didn’t. He wouldn’t be avoiding you cus of that. If anything he wouldn’t let you out of his sight to make sure that kinda stuff doesn’t happen to you.
Maybe he just doesn’t want to admit he might have made you for the wrong reasons, Or maybe you just naturally ended up looking so much like me at random, that he couldn’t stand being around you.
Or maybe it has more to do with how most of the random people he used to turn into slenderbeings in mass were killed and he doesn’t want to get attached cus he expects you to die soon.
No wait, that couldn’t be it, he’s too kind-hearted. If it’s because he expects you to die soon, then he’d be doing his best to make sure what time you have left is happy.

There has to be some reason he’s avoiding you. We should go find him and ask about it.

Archer: *he watched the woman intensely as he listened to Offender*
… I dunno anymore. I can’t pretend I know what I want. Because everything I ever wanted was taken away from me. Just when things started looking up for me…
*he flips his pale hand over staring at his palm, flexing his digits calmly*
He might be avoiding me for a much more serious reason than you think.
*he looks back up at Offender*
But you might have better luck reaching him than I did, after all, you’re one of the ‘brothers’ right?    

Yep, all we have to do, is infect you with the rose vines again…..
Or go kidnapp a whole bunch of kids for like a week.  

Archer: … Something tells me your hiding back other options here. Because I really don’t want to go through that crap again. And I’m sure this lady here doesn’t want to go digging through my rib cage once more.
*he folds his arms*
Also I’m not going to snatch a bunch of kids just so I can talk to one guy. So quit fooling around shit-head and take me to him already!

Remember a minute ago when I explained how much Splendy doesn’t want to be around me?
Those ARE the best options.
The other options are either search for like 3 weeks for Trenderman and convince him to help us find Splendy.
We go to Slendy and probably have something horrible happen to us.
Or we try searching everywhere on earth Splendorman could possibly be.
….And I guess technically I could activate the vines on myself, but trust me, If you aren’t up for harmlessly kidnapping 50 kids or so for a few days, you’re probably not prepared for that kind of fallout.

And besides, who said anything about putting it in your ribcage? We could probably just have you hold it in your hand or tentacles or something and then lop them off afterward.

Archer: *he rubs his face in frustration*
Slenderbeings…. why do they have to be so fucking awkward.
*he mutters, then frowns at Offender*
Even if we did happen to find him, I don’t think he would stick around to answer my questions.

Yeah so?
Would you rather not try at all than risk getting snubbed?

And besides, we already got his attention earlier today. Should be easier to do it again now while he’s still sorta thinking about what we’re up to.

Archer: *he pauses, thinking about it. He finally nods.*
… Just… don’t take the piss this time with it.

Alright, so you wanna kidnap a bunch of kids and trap them in a building full of ice cream and videogames for awhile, or the rose thing?

Archer: As much as I appreciate you comforting kidnapped kids with sweets and what not, what about the parents? And the media that goes with it once a bunch of kids suddenly go missing?
*he leans up sharply*
Anyway why would kidnapping and spoiling children bring this guy out? He never fucking appears when children are suffering, so why would he bother with happy kids?
*he pinches the bridge of his would-be-nose huffing sharply*
It doesn’t make sense to me…

Of course he doesn’t. The guys a pacifist for a reason, if he’d start attacking anyone who abuses kids he’d probably never stop killing.
And expecting one dude to solve every crime in the world like that is about as stupid as expecting me to be able to rape all 7billion people on earth, even with my supernatural ability’s that shit aint gonna happen.
Hell, you’re a slenderbeing too, and whens the last time you fixed all the problems of an entire country, or fuck, even saved any humans outside of the city you live in?

You should know more than most that we’re not a bunch of all powerful gods’ or some shit, we all got limits.

That’s why Splendy mostly works by helping people be better at helping others,
like he makes sure a sad kid lonely little kid finds a best friend that helps get them through their difficult family life,
and then makes sure that kid gets the chance to become a doctor,  
and helps parents better understand their mentally challenged kids by sending the right kinda doctor their way thanks to the down on his luck kid he made sure got an education,
Who in turn helps orphanages stay well funded by letting the rich doctors and grateful parents he helped know which one’s need it most.
That’s how Splendy works like 80% of the time.

The dude’s mostly a middle man, finding people who want to help and helping them help others by showing helpful people where they need to be, and raising kids to add to his massive network of do-gooders doing good deeds.

Which is how my kidnap a bunch of kids plan would work.
I can sense if he’s met them before, and Splendys got such a wide net of potential pseudo-proxies he’s keeping an eye on doing good on his behalf, that if we displace enough of them, he should start realizing somethings up and try to intervene.

Archer: He’s not as simple as I thought… well enither are you, and don’t take that as a compliment.
*smirked ever so slightly before drifting off in thought. He’s already aware of the under aged limit Offender has.*
… Alright… I’ll go with the kid one.
Heh, kickass, let’s go.

*He said reaching for Archer, before suddenly being interrupted with an exclamation of*

“Hold it!”

*Coming from the surgeon as she dumped the rose vine mass she had been drawing into a the plastic bin of medical waste they had removed from Archer, and brought it over to Smexy*

“Get rid of this, and get him some ice cream first.”

Oh, yeah, well we were going to have to pick up ice cream anyway. We can go do it first.

*he replied as he took the plastic bin*

Archer: *he found himself stepping back a bit as Offender took the rose parasite that had torn him apart before, holding a slight alarmed look.*
I guess I’ll get some ice cream while you take out the trash?
*he looks at the surgeon*
What about you? What are you doing next?

“Me? Well, I was just going to clean up and go back to reading my book.”

Look, i’ll just drop it in a volcano. Wont take more than a minute. Now let’s go, times a wasting.
Archer: Alright, I’ll get the sweets, ice cream and whatever kids like to play with I guess. But this all better be worth it… *He vanished to gather the items*
Asking about the Roses - Offenderman RP Part 3
A tumblr role play between me ask-sexual-offenderman.tumblr.…
and ask-archer-the-slender.tumblr.…
and their slender-being named Archer, who also has a deviantart account here…

It deals with the consequences of asking an annoyed Sexual Offenderman about the origin of his roses. Plenty of implied lore you can pick up during the story for those interested.

Part 1:…


part 3: you are here
Apparently satisfied, quick as a flash Offender slung Archer over one shoulder, causing an excruciating spike of pain in Archer from the movement, and teleported away, reappearing in what looked like a spooky abandoned old operating theater, where Offender paused for a moment, head tilted slightly like he was listening for something, before making a small annoyed huff and teleporting again, this time directly into what looked like someone’s bedroom, the lights flickering slightly as they appeared.
Unlike their previous location this one seemed lived in, in fact from the audible sound of someone humming pleasantly in the next room, it seemed actively inhabited. Theory quickly being proven correct when Offender’s cheerful shout of*

“Hey slutbag! I’m back!”

*Was acknowledged by a loud irritated groan of displeasure from the other room, and a feminine voice with a slight Spanish accent saying*

“The fuck did you do this time cabrón?”’

*The door opening to reveal a woman who looked to be in her forties, of about average height, with tan skin, dark eyes, and dark brown hair tied in a bun, who immediately froze with a look of shock on her face at the sight of Archer, before quickly springing into action, her voice taking on a serious tone as she opened the door wider and said*

“Get the tarps set up and put him on the table, I’ll go disinfect my instruments.”

*Compared to Offender who seemed completely unfazed about the Limp Archer quietly bleeding on his shoulder, with the causal comment of*

“Pfffft, he’s not gonna get an infection.”

*as he strode out the door and into a dining room with a large table in the middle, where Offender grew a few tendrils that got to work clearing off the table, then setting up a futon on it and covering the whole thing with tarps, clearly having done this sort of thing before, while the woman darted off into another room of the house, followed by the sound of her rifling through her things, while Offender carefully placed Archer on the table.*

Say pipsqueak, You want any painkillers?
Heh heh heh, what am I saying, of course you do.

*He says dusting the rose petals Archer had been shedding off his trenchcoat and reaching into his pocket, pulling out a rather large needle, still fresh in a unopened plastic case, and a small bottle of something, which he quickly started to fill the needle with.*

This stuffs kinda like what the dentist gives ya. It numbs everything and makes it so you cant feel the pain, but doesn’t do much else. Still, it’ll help stop you from twitchin for a few hours. Just be careful not to bite off your own tongue or anything once I let ya go.

Although word of warning if you do manage to run off, those roses you’re covered in are active. You let anybody touch ‘em and it’d be the same as them taking one of my roses.  

*he flicks the needle to dislodge any air bubbles*

And no, that doesn’t mean you’d have to have sex with anyone who touches you, I’d still be the one doing the raping here. Those are still my roses you’re covered in.
So, for your ‘pleasure and comfort’, I’m giving you the chance to use a surgeon who’s already taken one of my roses. </b>

*he picks up Archer’s arm, tearing a hole in archers hoodie and positioning the needle over the crook of Archers arm*

Whadaya say?

Archer: *he slightly turned his head from side to side, mildly disorientated. He didn’t even realize that Offender had been speaking to him. He was struggling to think anymore, perhaps the internal bleeding having a drowsy effect on him*
*Offender poked around in Archers brain a bit telepathically, letting out a small sigh, before setting the needle down and locking lips With Archer in a deep kiss.
Or rather, what could be more accurately described as
“shoving his tongue Down Archers throat and rubbing it around everywhere while drooling heavily”.

The healing effects of Offenders saliva kicking in almost immediately, slowly closing up tears made by the vines and pushing the roots out of the flesh of the inside of Archers mouth as the skin and muscle forcefully healed beneath it.
The healing effects also spreading into the surrounding area, essentially jump-starting everything in Archers head region as his thoughts and vision began to slowly clear.

The surgeon swiftly set up her instruments and such beside Offender, not paying him much mind beyond the occasional suspicious glance at what he was doing, until Offender finally detached and moved out of the way so she could better get her workspace into position, setting up a few small metal tables with silver surgical tools, rolls of fresh gauze and bandages, and IV bags.

Offender, picking up his needle again and probing Archers mind for a clear enough consciousness to be able to communicate with, is suddenly broken out of his train of thought by a knock at the door, which caused both him and the surgeon to suddenly freeze in surprise and look at the unexpected noise.

The front door being within sight of the dining room they were in, which could prove potentially disastrous if an unexpected person were to walk in and see the two supernatural creatures in a makeshift operating room.
Although the guest proved to be even more unexpected as a cheerful, nonthreatening, somewhat childlike and oddly familiar voice called out*


*Offender’s face quickly turned to an angry snarl, coupled with a low growl as he strode aggressively towards the front door, unlocking it, opening, and slamming it shut behind him in a single smooth motion, with the voice outside the door making a quick, surprised exclamation of *


*Soon followed by a disappointed sounding*

“Fendy, what did you do?”

Although with Archer facing away from the door, he couldn’t watch any of it with his slowly clearing vision, instead getting to watch the surgeon, who after listening for a moment scooted in closer, and shined a bright handheld light in each of his still visible green eyes, before making ‘be quiet’ motion with her hand and mouth and whispering*

“Can you use thought-speak?”

*exaggerating her mouth movements and motioning with one hand to try and make things clearer*

Archer: *he coughed out a large sum of thick blood, luckily away from the surgeon before him. His head was clearer, much to Archer’s disgust.
The seer thought of what Offender had just did gave him the urge to vomit. Although the bright light that was shone in his eyes provided a much needed, yet unwanted distraction.
His neon green eyes glowing much fainter than before as he gazed rather lazily at the surgeon, nodding feeling no will to speak both vocally and telepathically.
He shifted only to aggravate the damage inside him, causing him to instinctively groan out loud at the pain that shot through his body*
*setting down the flashlight, she picked up a pair of scissors, getting to work cutting off his shirt and hoodie in order to remove them from the tangle of bladed vines and roses, working quickly and precisely, and pulling away the fabric with a pair of forceps when necessary in order to avoid accidentally cutting herself on the vines, whileoutside Offender had begun some rather vicious shouting at the man outside, demanding that he had everything under control and that they should leave immediately, while the words of the more soft spoken brother were largely unable to be heard from the other side of the door.

Shirt and hoodie removed save for the out of reach fabric on his back that was tangled up with his tendrils, she dumped the fabric in a plastic bin and busied herself with inspecting the vines and archers injury’s. Testing the durability of the main vines with a few gentle tugs with the forceps, and tracing the growth pattern of the vines back to their origin point in Archers chest, where she did a few experimental taps on his sternum to check that he, unlike Smexy, did in fact have a solid ribcage.
With a sigh put a few bone saws on her table along with the other medical instruments, before putting on a pair of gloves and wiping off the drying blood from Archers skin with some damp gauze, which she would also put in the bin beside her, in order to clear things up for surgery.

It was about then that a grumpy Offender stormed back into the room, although the surgeon didn’t have time for his mood and immediately  told him to go steal some fresh equipment for her, like a new set of unused scalpels, more bandages, and some full iv bags, mildly surprised when he already had most of them in his coat, and before long he was starting to get more cheerful again as he got caught up in his assisting duty’s.*

“How much anesthesia does he need?”

Eh, his heart and most of his arteries are probably shot, so just jab him with the needle anyplace you’re gonna cut him cus it’s probably not gonna circulate fast enough to where he would need it.

“You sure he wont overdose on it?”

Pretty sure. And even if he does he shouldn’t get any long term effects from it.

“Estimate of his internal damage?”

Lot’s of damage on basically everything.

“Set up a pair of iv bags for him either side of the chest, fill up this cup with your spit, and grab me a jug of distilled water from the kitchen.”

On it.
*he says while drooling into the cup*

*she injected some of the numbing fluid into each of Archers arms and started sniping off all the roses before cutting the vines at the point between exiting Archers skin and putting down roots, separating the rooted from the unrooted sections of the vine while Offender finishing filling about a half of the cup of spit, and the stands used to hold up the iv bags of fluid before sitting down in the nearby chair and pulling out a magazine to read.*

“Cabrón, you sure this stuff is non-infections enough for me to be exposed to? You know how many times Ive told you not to bring any funky paranormal diseases near me.”

You already have aids, how much worse off could you get?

“I’m serious jerk-face.”

You’ll be fine, it doesn’t work on humans, Ive tried.

*She made an irritated scoff, dumping all the cut off flowers in her medical waste bin, she put on a new pair of gloves and started watering down offenders spit with the distilled water enough so that it could be drawn up indie a needle and injected into the bags of fluid, her continuing to do so until the fluid inside the bags was a foggy grey, before setting them up on either side of Archer and inserting the receiving end of the needles into him. Explaining to Archer that,*

“We don’t want to give you a full dose if you still got a bunch of those things in your chest wrecking stuff up, lower dose’ll make it more that you’ll heal on a smaller scale around the stuff, instead of trying to push it out and heal straight through it.”

*doing so more for courtesy’s sake than expecting a reply out of him, while she got busy mixing up a more potent mixture of Offender-spit and water and pouring it out into a small basin before cutting off some strips of thicker medical gauze and dunking them in the liquid before laying them over some of the places where the vines had taken roots in Archers skin, once having to ask Offender for more healing spit*

“I usually do this for getting shrapnel out of peoples skin when jerk-face brings me random patients he can not be bothered with. Should work with this, and if not I will cut out whatever gets left behind.
So magic man, are you numb yet?”
Archer: *His fingers and toes were the first to fall under the effects, followed up his limbs to his very core. It felt strange, in a good way but strange. He felt as if he had turned to stone, even the table beneath him seemed nonexistent, like he was suddenly floating.
Yet, it was still a welcoming sensation, far from the pain Offender had granted mere hours before. He tilted his head looking directly at her, his voice like a whisper compared to Offender’s strong voice in her mind*

‘Archer… and yeah… it feels kinda nice…’

“Good, although you might not want to watch as I start to remove them. Cabrón, I need another set of hands.”

*setting down his magazine, Offender goes over to the side of the table beside her while she picks up one of the scalpel’s*

“Close up the wound behind it as I remove the vines.”

*she says as she grabs the end of the vine in Archers arm with her forceps, while Offender grows a few tendrils, these ones thinner than his normal ones, which grab some of the bits of cloth soaked in his saliva in preparation for her to begin cutting.

The surgeon starts to work quickly, slicing into Archers arm and pulling the vine out of the fresh wound while Offender would apply the healing liquid into the cuts as the vine was pulled out before holding the wound closed with a tendril as it healed back together.

She hit’s a snag when the vine wraps around the bone of Archers arm, but quickly and skillfully, she cuts off most of the vine, pulls it out from behind the bone, and continues removing it until it reaches archers ribcage, and she can’t go any further without getting out the bonesaw.
She then wraps the arm along the wound with a thin layer of bandages to hold it together while it heals, before doing the same with the other arm, then removing the ones in archer’s throat, shoulders, hips, and legs, occasionally having problems when the vine had wrapped around Arches bones.

The internal vines of his major limbs taken care of, she then takes a moment to remove the root systems from Archers limbs, which had been largely pushed out of the skin by then by the healing effects of Offender spit, before carefully tackling the roots in Archers organs, although the main source of the vines still couldn’t be reached and removed due to the rib cage blocking the way, and it still being anchored in place by the vines in Archers tendrils that she couldn’t reach from their current position.

They would have to flip archer over in order to properly remove, so they opt to take a short break, both to let Archer recover a bit from the various surgery’s before moving him and risking splitting open the large wounds on his stomach, and to give the surgeon a bit of a breather*
Asking about the Roses - Offenderman RP Part 2
A tumblr role play between me ask-sexual-offenderman.tumblr.…
and ask-archer-the-slender.tumblr.…
and their slender-being named Archer, who also has a deviantart account here…

It deals with the consequences of asking an annoyed Sexual Offenderman about the origin of his roses. Plenty of implied lore you can pick up during the story for those interested, and contains some pretty graphic scenes of gore, in this case involving surgery scenes, and a little bit of swearing, but that's about it as far as trigger warning goes.

Part 1:…

Part 2:you are here

Part 3:…
anonymous asked:

What started the whole rose thing? Was there a reason for it or is it just something you do?

ask-sexual-offenderman answered:
None of your business.

Archer: *he studies Offender turning sharp closely, keeping an eased yet wary posture* Well… it’s obvious you don’t give them out for the fun of it. Maybe it’s against your will you have to? *he tilts his head a bit* It’s your restraint… isn’t it?

You shouldn’t need me to fucking tell you that…..

*you could see a sudden change in expression as a thought occurred to offender, and a wide, evil smile ripped across his face,*

You know what? fine, you wanna satisfy your curiosity?  I got a way.

*There was a sickening muffled cracking sound, like bones breaking, as offender’s chest shifted unnaturally beneath his coat.*

You wanna see what I can do with it?

Archer: *at the crack sound he stepped away alarmed while his hand shot to his back gripping something, holding onto it. He could sense the danger from the smile, yet he was still so damn curious. He raised his head, awaiting for the ‘display’ Offender will show.*  

*smile widening slightly, Offender opened the front of his trenchcoat with one hand while the other sharpened it’s nails, the tips of his fingers swiftly shifting to resemble something closer to razor sharp meat hooks.
Taking one sharp talon, he made a deep incision across his chest, spilling out an impressive stream of inky blood, before stuffing his whole hand into the wound, that sickening cracking sound being heard again as Archer could see the slight movement of the bones for what must of passed for his rib cage moved out of the way of his hand as he pressed it in almost to the elbow. There’s a slight pause as his hand searched around in his chest cavity, until apparently finding what he was looking for.

With a sharp tug and a sickening ripping noise, Offender pulled the thing out, his hand being followed by a gush of black blood out of the wound, which Offender paid little mind to, just fixing up his coat over the still bleeding wound, and holding out the hunk of his own meat for Archer to take a look at.
Far as he could see, It just looked like a hunk of nondescript meat that had been dipped in tar.
At least, until the air started to buzz with a peculiar energy emanating from Offender, and the chunk of flesh started to squirm.

Like melting wax, parts of inky flesh stared to ooze off of the chunk as pieces of it slithered in a knotted mass in Offenders palm, melted excess dripping to the floor as more and more of the mass was revealed.
As it moved it seemed to get sharper, sprouting thorns and shiny razor like edges until eventually, it looked like a surreal mass of and thorns and razorblades squirming and weaving in on itself like a handful of worms that didn’t wanna separate. Unsettling, yet too mesmerizing to look away from.
At least until Offender said those blood chilling words*

Open wide, this will only hurt a lot.

Archer: *Indeed he was unnervingly mesmerized by this freakish fleshy form Offender held. But the words were enough to shake him back, realizing the danger in the others tone.
Whatever it was Offender held, it was clearly not good news*

L-look, I only asked a simple question!

*He smiled nervously, his gaze never leaving the fleshy pile in Offender’s palm. His hand was still behind his back gripping tighter as tips of his white tendrils poked out from his upper spine, just in case*

Just kidding…..You don’t have to open anything.

The sharp, thorny mass suddenly disappeared from his hand, and reappeared with a sudden, painful weight being felt in Archers chest, in what Archer could only assume must have been in the middle of his left lung, because it immediately collapsed.
Punctured like a balloon from the sharp mass, with the reflexive coughing doing nothing to help the matter, only causing him to cough up blood and leak it into his remaining lung as the other half of his chest cavity rapidly filled with blood.

Though surprisingly, the pain was pretty minimal, at least for the moment as apparently, like humans, he had very few pain receptors in his lungs, though there was no telling how long that might last for before the spiked mass hit something worse.

Offender  meanwhile, oddly enough was taking the spare moment of Archer freaking out from the sudden injury not to gloat, but to quickly roll up his sleeve and bite off his own arm, (the one which had been holding the thorny mass) at the elbow and toss it on the ground beside him, before immediately pulling a jar of something out from his coat and smashing it on the ground beside the arm, the smell implying it was probably gasoline, and setting the arm on fire, as a few white tendrils, slick with black blood, snaked out from the sleeve of his missing arm, having must have grown out of the stump as a temporary replacement for his forearm and hand.

Only then did he look back and grin at Archer.

Archer: *On his hand and knees he gripped his chest as if he were experiencing a heart attack, gasping desperately for air.
Offender could see what Archer had been holding onto before. It was a pistol stuff between the hem of his trousers, perhaps his desperate attempts to defend himself.
Archer coughed continuously as a reflex, removing not only black blood but small chunks of what could be described as meat. Archer shook from both pain… and rage.

He spared a second to glance up at the other with eyes flaring green, a snarl bearing teeth that shared a similarity to that of Offender’s, but much smaller and more of them. His tendrils too unfurled to wave about like a nest of snakes, the pain numbed by anger.*

*He began to feel what could only be described as a tugging, grinding sensation.
He could feel the spiked mass begin to move, pulling surrounding tissue into it and growing larger, until it was close to double in size, when it suddenly shrunk and sent out a wave of piercing tendrils into the surrounding flesh, which continued to grow and spread in every direction, slicing huge holes as they went.

The first to reveal itself did so quickly, finding Archers windpipe, and growing up through it, slicing up his throat as it did so, until the uncontrollable coughing forced the tip of it out of his mouth, revealing it to be what appeared to be a black vine covered in covered in growths that looked like a cross between rose thorns and scalpels.
Upon hitting the air it took a slightly green tint and for lack of a better term, took root.

Anchoring itself in the lower half of Archers mouth and down his throat a ways, sending smaller tendrils to crisscross through the flesh, and causing blood to spill from his mouth in waves, as the other internal spiked tendrils reached into his other organs, wrapping around bones and reaching down his limbs and into his tendrils*

Not very comfortable is it?

*Offender said mockingly.*

You should almost consider yourself lucky, It’s way worse when it happens to me.

*it could be seen in the burning, torn off arm of Offender, that in the short amount of time the bladed vines had grown into every digit of the hand, leaving a squirming skeletal outline of the hand as the skin and flesh was burned away*

Archer: *he rose his head, mouth hung open as the foreign body grew unbearably within him. His limbs shook with pain and rage as he remained as still as possible.
He still clutched his chest in agony, feeling it expand with him. But what did this all mean? With a gurgled bloody cough with whatever air remained in his mangled lungs, Archer tightened his grip then realized something. The tightness that grew in his chest and outward was the root of the problem, literately. Offender tore this thing out his own chest… why couldn’t he do it too? The twinge of pain only encouraged Archer more as desperation to stop this endless suffering inside him took over, making him resolve to this rash action.
And so he began to do the unthinkable (in Archer’s case) and sliced a large, bloody gash under his ribcage before ramming hand upwards into it, seeking out the invader.

*Offender took a step back to avoid the blood Archer was spilling onto the floor, moving a bit more to the side as he watched Archer with a hateful snarl.*

What, You think they would try to contain me with something I could just rip out? All you’re gonna accomplish by that is getting the vines looping through your arm twice as much.

It’ll only end after every one of the vines breaks the skin and it all stops growing, at which point you can rip stuff out as much as your heart desires.
Or at least, that’s how quickly it would get to end for you.

See? isn’t this a fun learning experience? Aren’t you so glad you asked about how my roses work?

Archer: *he quickly removed his hand from his insides, hand now covered in jet black blood that made it appear as if it were covered in hot, thin tar.
He was bleeding a lot now, both internal and external. Yet he remained awake, jaws clamps down on the vines pursuing from the back of his throat. He continued to shake too, the waves of pain lulling into nothing. With eyes still flaring green he looked up at the other… and smirked faintly upon realizing Offender’s error*


*he gurgled with a mouthful of blood*

*Although his reply could scarcely be understood, as he coughed out not only blood, but small red and pink petals as well. It’s clear that “vines” wasn’t just a figure of speech, as the ones in his mouth had apparently started sprouting flowers.
He could feel more of the sharp vines erupting from elsewhere on his body, with the ones on a few of his tendrils adding insult to injury by continuing to wrap around the tendril on its journey upward, taking root as it went*

I’m sorry I didn’t quite catch that. Did you figure out something obvious to gloat over or something?

*he says as he moves further around Archer, stepping over the spreading trickles of blood*
Archer: *he collapses to his side with a pained snarl, feeling as if he was going to explode in a shower of blood. He wanted to badly to yell out and trash at the agony. He quickly reached out and gripped the bottom of Offender’s coat in an aggressive manner in a futile attempt to stop him. But Archer had already long guessed this is what Offender wants, for him to beg. Blood curdling words spilled from his mouth, words unrecognizable anymore.

*But Offender teleported out of his grip to the other side of Archer, wide grin still on his face, as he smugly put his hands in his pockets and waited for the vines growth to end.
A few of the vines on Archers side’s had broken the skin and taken root, with rosebuds growing underneath the fabric of his hoodie, a few managing to poke their way out through rips made by the thorny vines, or else snaked their way out of the openings around the neck.

They had a rather fragrant, rosy smell to them, although it was hard to make out with the state that Archer was currently in, and even if he could, he would hardly find comfort from it. Although maybe one thing could.

Offender let off a low, annoyed growl, pulling up the hem of his trenchcoat, where a squirming mass had begun to form at the point in which Archer had grabbed it.
Swiftly whipping out a knife from his inner pocket, he sliced the chunk out of it, along with about a foot more of trench coat on either side of the mass. And similarly to his ripped off arm, doused the chunk in flammable substances and set it on fire, while his coat quickly returned to its original shape like nothing had happened.*

Archer: *he just laid there curling his fingers that now bared sharp bone talons at the ends of them, an unfortunate reflex he lives with.
Even though Archer was still his limbs would occasionally twitch as the sharp thorns inside him tore through his nerves and tendons alike.

Due to his position he couldn’t see Offender anymore, but he knew he was behind him. With his tendrils still waving about and covered in vines he coiled them around Offender’s ankle, wrist and waist. He turned his body as he did this with a painful groan, not wanting Offender to leave his sights or himself like this.*
*Although, now on his guard, Offender immediately teleported farther back out of the tendrils reach as soon as he saw them coming. Wary of any more attempts to touch him.*
Archer: *he slumps down, finally submitting*

*Seeing Archers movements start to cease, he cautiously moved around Archer to get a better view of him, taking a while to find a good spot, before crouching down to wait and silently observe, soon slumping into a more comfortable sitting position as Archer continued to remain still.

His face was blank of expression as he sat there, almost motionless for a good fifteen minutes or so, the vines finishing their growth and ceasing their movement about halfway through the wait time, leaving Archer covered in roses and wrapped with vines, though Offender still waited awhile longer, just to be safe.

After a while, he made a cautious “step” forward, reaching out with one hand like a cat stepping with its front paw; pausing for a moment to see if he got any response, before quickly shuffling over to Archers side where he sat crouched once again and poked Archer with a claw, getting the tip of his claw coated in Archers inky blood, which he rubbed experimentally between two fingers.

Archer found that he couldn’t really move in response to the touch.
The vines had severed his tendons and muscles too severely, and the large blades made it impossible for such things to heal around the vines without being sliced up again. His tendrils were similarly afflicted, the vines having grown into and set root into nearly the entirety of each of his tendrils crippling them.
Even his jaw muscles were too torn up to be effective, leaving him thoroughly immobilized in all but his furthest extremity’s, such as the fingers of his hands, his ankles and feet, and the very tips of his tendrils, but otherwise unable to move. Which come to think of it, might have been the point of it in the first place.

Although on the bright side, the vines taking root had effectively plugged up most of the external wounds the vines had caused, keeping what was left of his blood inside his body, although the copious internal bleeding still presented a big problem.
Asking about the Roses - Offenderman RP Part 1
A tumblr role play between me ask-sexual-offenderman.tumblr.…
and ask-archer-the-slender.tumblr.…
and their slender-being named Archer, who also has a deviantart account here…

It deals with the consequences of asking an annoyed Sexual Offenderman about the origin of his roses. Plenty of implied lore you can pick up during the story for those interested, and contains some pretty graphic scenes of gore, but that's about it as far as trigger warning goes.

Part 1:you are here


Part 3:…


i perfer to remain anonymous
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
i'm an art college student working to try and get into the entertainment industry somehow, either in movies, tv, animation, comics, or videogames. mostly i want to be one of those people who you could see in the credits of some grand piece of entertainment media if you happened to pause at the right moment. to just give a worthwhile contribution so some big popular project that i could be proud of.

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Add a Comment:
missnene1 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey Arc I'm leaving the group for now! Goodbye farewell 
arcanineryu Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2015  Student General Artist
missnene1 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Look Arc I wasn't happy at all, because of someone I didn't felt like I was part of the group!
arcanineryu Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2015  Student General Artist
well, you do what you think is best.
(1 Reply)
luckyfishi Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2015
Hi, arcanineryu! This is luckyfishi. We are currently working on a
doujinshi about creepypasta for commercial use, and we're wondering
if we could use offenderman as one of the characters :)
arcanineryu Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2015  Student General Artist
I'm sorry, but I cannot sign off on that so easy.

I would really like you to use him in your manga, don't get me wrong
but the problem is, I'm already in the process of making an official comic book of Offenderman for publication.
So I have to make sure your team follows a few rules in the use of him so it doesn't risk harming the sale of the official comic.

-First off, I need to be clearly credited for the creation of the character. my pseudonym of Arcanineryu should be fine, so long as he can easily be tracked back to me by whoever reads it.

-Second, you would have to explain to me in detail how you plan to use him in the manga so I can make sure it isn't giving people the wrong idea of who and what Sexual Offenderman is.
He doesn't have to be perfectly representative of cannon in the book you're making, but the portrayal has to be accurate enough to be recognizable to existing fans, and accurate enough that people seeing him for the first time aren't given the wrong impression.
Basically, this is about making sure what you're doing will help make the character more popular, not less.

-Third, when it's done, you have to provide me with at least one copy of it, though preferably I'd recommend you give me 2 or 3 if your team ends up putting them in print.
I can provide payment if absolutely needed, but you must notify me as soon as they are available. 

If you and your team can do those three things then you're free to use the character in your manga, although if it's not a comic you're trying to make then let me know, as apparently Dojinshi can mean any number of things.

also if you want to use him in anything else you'll be selling, you'll have to get my permission again.
basically, ask permission for every time you plan on using him in something you plan to sell.

but for now, up until I get an explanation of how Offenderman will be used in the dojinshi and approve it, you do not have permission to use the character.

If there's anything about this you found confusing then let me know so I could clarify them for you.

I would also appreciate a look at some of the artists work if you wouldn't mind.
luckyfishi Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2015
Actually, we are planning our Doujinshi as a collection of
individual artworks and short stories, and Offender will only
appear in some of the paintings, which means there will be no
storyline concerning him.

As for the samples, we're planning to send you a few copies via
international express. They might take a while to reach you though,
cause we're a workshop in China lol
(Ps.One of our friends might come to US at the end of August. If she
could, she will help bring some of the copies to you)

By the way, since our Doujinshi will be sold exclusively in China ,
all the editions will be printed in Chinese. :)
arcanineryu Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2015  Student General Artist
Alright then, that sounds fine. you have my permission.

Would you like my mailing address now or later for sending the copys?
How close is the collection to completion?
(1 Reply)
cutewerewolfgirl Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
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