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About Varied / Student Member i perfer to remain anonymousFemale/United States Group :iconthe-smexy-slender: The-Smexy-Slender
Don't take the rose...
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Well, Offenderman has been getting really popular hasn't he? certainly been a pretty awesome thing to have happened, but it has come with a number of downside's.

Primary of which being that it's making it increasingly hard to chat with all you newcomers to the fandom :dummy:

So to help deal with this, i'd like as many of you as possible to try to ask your question's and have whatever conversations you'd like to have with me here, where I promise to answer you at least once.

So ask away :iconblushingplz:


Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: sexual themes, strong language and ideologically sensitive material)
(this ones kinda especially controversial, but hey, it's the sort of reference i need when dealing with making content for a fictional rape monster, so i don't want any sass outta you guys for it)

I can’t believe our culture allows grown men to openly thirst over high school girls

this dudebro in my english class said that ophelia deserved to die because “she led hamlet on” and my teacher threw her book against the wall
-your teacher’s aim sucks

same species, different life choices

there is nothing rarer and more beautiful than liking every song on an album

homophobes say “the gay lifestyle leads to depression and higher risks of suicide”
Really? Why is that? Who’s fault do you think that is?

storyline concept: when you wish upon a star, it’s actually a satellite, and your wish has been recorded and cataloged. An agent is now assigned to your case, like a sci-fi fairy godmother sort of thing

do u ever wonder how many people would be non binary if they were actually educated on sex/gender and were encouraged to explore themselves?

Depression is not rain. It is being unable to see the sun, even after the rain has passed.

you never realize how lonely you are until it’s the end of the day and you got a bunch of stuff to talk about and no one to tell it to.

the circle of stupidity is complete.

there are two types of people in the world. I hate both of them.

war is when your government tells you who the enemy is
revolution is when you figure it out for yourself.

there is no moving on, only running away.

ive officially run out of excuses:
“will likely be a little late because of who I am as a person”

   I hope you're ready to get MEMED ON by these SICK MEMES

No, I didn’t win, but at least I didn’t make any new friendship’s.

   Child:I have a problem
   Parent:Well you CAN'T have this problem because I had this problem in the past only WORSE
   Child:That doesn't make any sense. How is MY problem cancelled out by a problem YOU had?
   Parent:DON'T SASS ME

Are you a heartless bitch? Why not get paid for it!

   You are not just studying for your future. You are studying to save those patients. You are studying to save that family’s mother from a lengthy jail sentence. You are studying to teach us all. You are studying to improve global communication. You are studying to improve the environment. You are studying so we learn from the past. You are studying so technology progresses.  Who ever you are and whatever your goals are.   Your decision to study will change the world.  Literally.

   Gary’s Sex Tips #1002 : If she calls out her ex boyfriend’s name in bed go to his house and kiss him. See what the dick about! See what all the fuss is about!

The more adventuring a knight does, the more banged up his armor gets. So if you get rescued by a knight in shining armor, you probably got rescued by a really shitty knight.

“if you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?”—  one of the most eye opening things i’ve read in a while

precision nerd strike

any state thats legalizing the sale of pot needs to release every single black person ever arrested for possession or trafficking and then expunge their criminal record
and this should be the preface to a necessary conversation on reparations paid out to the millions of black lives ruined for doing the same thing that’s now enriching whites in Colorado and Washington.

A zombie apocalypse story where a vaccine is developed but anti vac moms refuse to inoculate their children because the zombie vaccine causes gay autism

When feminists joke about misandry, the punch line is that no feminists actually want to kill men, but plenty of men want to kill feminists.

   baby's first words:mama
   mra dad:and people say men never face sexism...

if you take "no" as another word for "yes" and proceed with your unwanted shoulder tapping, you'll be given additional warnings about how harassment is illegal and has no place in the office. If you keep clicking, perhaps unable to control your raw arousal in the face of up to twenty fully-clothed pixels representing a woman, the screen fades to red, grim music plays, and it's game over.

Relationship Goals: Someone who will dance with me to the Guardians of the Galaxy sound track in the middle of the night

last names on the brink of extinction
sallow, fernsby, villin, dankworth, relish, macquoid, loughty, culpepper

nonbinary robots are cool and all but imagine a robot designed to be genderless and it sees a girl and is like “wtf girls are cute im a girl now” and the scientists are like u cant do this thing but she is already out the door

As a kid people used to tell me that I was “too smart for my own good” and that they pitied me for having an IQ of 124. I never understood until I grew up and realized how cynical I’ve become. I over think everything and now I’m scared of everything. I’m too clever for any kind of behavioral modification, I’ll just be one step ahead of the psychologist. I never understood how being smart was a curse until my thoughts began to scare me to the point of wanting to die just to end them. I am too smart for my own good

"he’s cute and hasn’t said anything offensive yet," an autobiography
& its sequel: “i should have known it was only a matter of time”

*man walks into a bar covered in kiss marks* “haha yeah well you should see the other guy”

I don’t vaccinate my child because it’s my right to decide what eliminated diseases come roaring back.

where was my 6am text?
- I didn’t want to wake the sleeping beauty…me

sometimes i think it’s really sad how no one has conversations face to face anymore, it’s all about phones and facebook. it’s so impersonal, i dont understand how can you base almost an entire friendship over typed words?....SIKE! catch me having 5 conversations at once while secretly jerking it lmao eat my electronic trail you dusty old fucks

oh no….,i have offended a heterosexual
-oh no, another faggot is being edgy by pretending not to care! woah! now you are giving homophobes an actual reason to hate you, you retard. thanks for making LGBTQ-people look like immature assholes.
oh no….,i have offended a heterosexual

I think that when you’re learning a new language it’s important to really immerse yourself in it! Don’t think of the words as translations of another language but as new words themselves! A language is the vocal and visual embodiment of an entire culture it’s not possible to truly translate that!

friend: how are things?
me: please don’t make me think about my life

sometimes I feel like people are reading my mind, so I think of something funny. That way if I hear anyone laugh, I know.

“Someday I’ll be writing about someone who loves me back.”

*cracks neck* my time has come

How to tell a rape joke: Take a metal bar, beat a rapist or rape apologist repeatedly and say “so a rapist walks into a bar” with each stroke.

while women are constantly fearing their lives while walking home from late night from school, men think they’re oppressed when women dont want to fuck them

Whittier, Alaska, is a town of about 200 people, almost all of whom live in a 14-story former Army barracks built in 1956. The building, called Begich Towers, holds a police station, a health clinic, a church, and a laundromat. Its hallways resemble those of a school . One can often find residents shuffling around in slippers and pajamas.

Do you ever have a problem where you just don’t know how to reply to an argument, not because you don’t know the answer, but you just don’t know where to begin? Like, the foundation of knowledge you’d need to impart to this person before you could even begin to drag them out of their sinkhole of ignorance would cost thousands of dollars if it were coming from a university?

it takes 460 hours of training to become a cop. it takes 1600 hours of training to cut hair.

“I wanna be in a relationship where we can act like best friends and little kids. I wanna be able to wake up in the morning and eat lucky charms while we watch spongebob. I wanna be able to go outside and throw a snowball at you while I call you shithead. I wanna be able to eat mac n’ cheese and drink apple juice while we cuddle on the couch. I wanna be able to say I hate you while laughing and you know that really means I love you. I wanna be in a relationship where we can tease each other, but at the end of the day you know I will always be there to hold you, wipe your tears, kiss you, love you and most importantly make you laugh like a little kid.”

I am genuinely curious what Men’s Rights Activists want. What rights are you fighting for that you don’t already have?

(response to an argument that women wouldn’t care about being catcalled if the man doing it was attractive)
you know what, fuck it, I’m going to reblog this twice because I have a story to tell.
Almost two years ago I was approached by a man at a bar. He was very handsome— tall, with great cheek bones and the kind of eyes that crinkle at the corners with every smile. That man asked to buy me and my friends a drink.
Not wanting to give him the wrong idea, we turned him down. None of us were single, and we’d all had experiences where men have expected things from us after providing seemingly generous acts of charity.
That man spent the rest of the night harassing us. He followed us around the bar, dumped a beer over my friend’s head when she confronted him, made lewd comments about my ass when I walked passed to go to the bathroom. We tried to tell the bar staff what was happening, but with the room being so crowded, by the time we managed to locate the bouncer, he’d disappeared into a throng of people.
That man approached us when we were on our way to our car. He was verbally aggressive, throwing slurs at us and stepping into our personal space. When I pushed him away, he punched me in the face hard enough to knock me down. When my friend tried to call the police, he slammed her head into a wall.
We were lucky that after that, he panicked an ran away. It could have been much, much worse.
Bottom line? Fuck you if you think all women want is attention from attractive men. Fuck you for eternity.
Attention from an attractive man didn’t give me an ego boost. It gave me a fucking black eye.

realistically the space under my bed is very small so if a monster did in fact live there it would have to also be very small.
it would be some kind of baby monster
i would have to look after it D:

Imagine your favorite robot discovering that the word “fucking” is used to intensify adjectives in the English language, so they start enhancing their sentences with it… very fucking liberally.

   What’s that on your hand????? *holds it* itS ME

yes, eat that.
no, do not text back the fuckboy.
hush, her sex life is none of our business
coconut oil
-i cant believe how much this all makes sense

“I swear to every heaven ever imagined,
if I hear one more dead-eyed hipster
tell me that art is dead, I will personally summon Shakespeare
from the grave so he can tell them every reason
why he wishes he were born in a time where
he could have a damn Gmail account.
The day after I taught my mother
how to send pictures over Iphone she texted
me a blurry image of our cocker spaniel ten times in a row.
Don’t you dare try to tell me that that is not beautiful.
But whatever, go ahead and choose to stay in
your backwards-hoping-all-inclusive club
while the rest of us fall in love over Skype.
Send angry letters to state representatives,
as we record the years first sunrise so
we can remember what beginning feels like when
we are inches away from the trigger.
Lock yourself away in your Antoinette castle
while eat cake and tweet to the whole universe that we did.
Hashtag you’re a pretentious ass hole.
Van Gogh would have taken 20 selflies a day.
Sylvia Plath would have texted her lovers
nothing but heart eyed emojis when she ran out of words.
Andy Warhol would have had the worlds weirdest Vine account,
and we all would have checked it every morning while we
Snap Chat our coffee orders to the people
we wish were pressed against our lips instead of lattes.
This life is spilling over with 85 year olds
rewatching JFK’s assassination and
7 year olds teaching themselves guitar over Youtube videos.
Never again do I have to be afraid of forgetting
what my fathers voice sounds like.
No longer must we sneak into our families phonebook
to look up an eating disorder hotline for our best friend.
No more must I wonder what people in Australia sound like
or how grasshoppers procreate.
I will gleefully continue to take pictures of tulips
in public parks on my cellphone
and you will continue to scoff and that is okay.
But I hope, I pray, that one day you will realize how blessed
you are to be alive in a moment where you can google search
how to say I love you in 164 different languages.”

       i wish i was a boy instead of a girl they dont have periods and they dont get as many unwelcome sexual comments as girls do
-boys have to deal with girls on their periods.
shove a cactus in your anus buddy

do you ever open a novel and read the first few lines and think ah yes, the narrator is a sarcastic little shit.

grandmas keepin it real.

yeah, I know what it sounds like to kill a man……From a distance……With no involvement on my end beyond fleeing.

he was a scumbag of both  note and notoriety

I’d slap you, but then that’d be animal abuse.

   dear men who feel like marriage is a trap and “taking away your freedom”, here’s a list of things you can do:
   - not get married
   - literally
   - just don’t fucking propose
   - and if she asks you, say no
   - don’t get her hopes up
   - seriously what the fuck is wrong with you???

"what do you see in your future?"
well hopefully a dog

teachers assuming that nobody in their class is queer, trans, abused, physically/mentally ill or has any other kind of issues at all and voicing their stupid opinions and teaching the entire class accordingly to that belief is pretty much the suckiest thing ever tbh and that needs to stop
"now none of us know what it’s like to feel that way”

“My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them.”

when  a teacher asks “so any questions?” and you sit there in silence because you don’t even know what you know.

   I just want to inform my fellow Americans that your TV viewing habits don’t impact a show’s ratings unless you’ve agreed to allow the Nielsen company to track what you watch. And you can’t call them; they select you. And they don’t select very many people. Thousands people nationwide have their TV viewing tracked by Nielsen. Like lots of statistics and polls, Nielsen basically uses this small number of people as representatives for the 300,000,000+ people in the country. So, you know…
If your favorite TV show has poor ratings, find one of the couple hundred households in your entire metropolitan area with a Nielsen Box on their TV.

I am genuinely curious what people think about during the day. Like, as a writer, a good 85% of my thoughts are about my novel. When I hear music, I think about my characters. When there is silence, I think about the plot. Before I go to bed, I think about my book. When I daydream, I think about my book.
What do non-writers think about all day?

   white dude in this horror movie : *translates old arabic text* *somehow it rhymes perfectly in english*
Now I really wanna see a horrible faltering translation from one of these movies, like “Whomsoever enters this room, they shall… well, this word is like… literally it means ‘unbecome,’ but it was used as a euphemism for death, pooping, and—wait, when was this carved?  was it 15th century? Cuz it was a euphemism for sex too in the 15th century.  This is either a cursed crypt, a bathroom, or a royal bedroom. Who wants to roll the dice?”

but why do we have to get married and have children
why can’t we just get a group of friends and live happily ever after in an apartment and share the profits. i’d be much happier that way
-this is the most millennial thing ive ever read

“What doesn’t kill you gives you EXP.”

*pick’s up a crying baby*
Its okay buddy, when you grow up you’ll learn to do this on the inside.

today my anthro professor said something kindof really beautiful:
"you all have a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in you, that’s why you’re here, in college. I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one person, and it’s okay if that person  is you"

me: sad because I’m not productive
me: not productive because I’m sad

feral mittens, deceptively deep sludge puddles

ice skating is like walking in cursive

how many followers do you have?
-more than i deserve

“Depression differs from sadness in that sadness is a specific response to a situation. Depression is a force of nature. It just is.”

Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.

   when people say things like “you’re being cisphobic” or “you’re a fucking heterophobe,” all I hear is “I am experiencing for the first time what I have done to you and others like you, and I’ve decided that only people like you deserve to feel this.”

“She’s not just a girl. She’s the only evidence of God that I can find on this entire planet.”

   also to all younger girls chatting up older dudes remember tht: 1. they are manipulating u 2. yes u WILL regret it no matter what u think now 3. if a relationship needs to be a secret dont be in it 4. theres a reason they cant get girls their own age lmao
also to all those older dudes remember tht: go fuck urself

“There is no historically consistent justification for the exclusion of women from healing roles. Witches were attacked for being pragmatic, empirical, and immoral. But in the nineteenth century the rhetoric reversed: women became too unscientific, delicate, and sentimental. The stereotypes change to suit male convenience—we don’t.”

"This thinking it’s stupid and wrong and self perpetuating unless you actively work against it." There it is again, the realization of how such biases lurk in our subconscious, in our muscle memory, and getting rid of it is an active, conscious effort. You can’t "just write" because only actively thinking about this stuff stops these biases from happening, and they must be stopped.

Just so everyone is perfectly clear:
   serial killer = killed three or more people, all at separate events/times
   mass murderer = killed a large number of people (usually 4+) in one event
   spree killer = killed two or more people in a short time at multiple locations

   a lot of people assume because i dont talk a lot that its because im in a bad mood or grumpy or being cold with them but its just like a genuinely have nothing to say!! i am not an interesting person!! i dont know how to respond to people 90% of the time dont take it personally!!
“no u dont understand- i didnt do anything over winter break”

Banana’s, the only reasonable way to measure snow

   the 7 y/o boy who lives next door doesn’t want to go in the house to bed and i just heard his dad use the old “you live under my roof, you live by my rules” and the kid just shouted back “im not under your roof im under the sky and thats god’s roof and he wants me to play out for longer!”
i can’t stop laughing.
update: now he’s scootering down the street singing ‘we didn’t start the fire’ while his dad chases him


—  a passionate eye doctor as he throws glasses into a screaming crowd

theres a blog dedicated to hating cis people someone throw me off a cliff please.
-there are whole laws dedicated to hating trans people

You know what’s fun? Reclaiming your femininity after years of feeling and acting like you couldn’t be “girly” because “girly” things were “bad.” Man I’ll fuck you up with red lipstick on while wearing a sun dress and drinking a wine cooler, don’t think I won’t.

How about instead of me explaining why I don’t find rape jokes funny, you explain why you DO find them funny?
go ahead, I’ll wait

                   I read an anecdote from someone whose African Grey didn’t particularly get along with her Amazon parrot, Paco. One night she was preparing cornish hens for dinner, while the grey hung out with her in the kitchen. He got a closer look at one of the hens, looked his mama dead in the eyes and asked, “Paco?” Then he laughed.
African Grey Parrots are one of the smartest birds, and seems they can be known to play “jokes” or “pranks” on their owners or any visitors.
I was visiting a friend of the family one time and I was just casually watching tv when I thought I heard the water running. I go into the kitchen but everything’s fine. the parrot looks at me and says “gotcha”.
I have an African Grey named Loki and he lives up to his name.
He likes to scream and mimic the sounds of things falling off the shelf and when we run into the room to see what’s happening he says “The cat did it! Bad Sammy!” and laughs.
Whenever he gets mad at me he flies away from me, but since he can’t fly very well, he always crash lands. And the first thing he says when I go to pick him up, without fail, is always “You need to vacuum,” in a very bitter grumble.
Loki likes to call our cat to him. He’ll sit there for minutes saying “here kitty kitty kitty.” The cat will come, walk up to the bird, get bit and then Loki will laugh as the cat screams and runs away. This goes on for hours.
If it’s late at night and he’s tired, but I’m still up with the lights on, he’ll say “Loki go night night.” It’s starts of in a normal tone and then gets louder and louder until he’s screaming “LOKI GO NIGHT NIGHT!”
If he sees my dad fall asleep, he screams like a little girl to scare my dad awake. And then laughs. He’s kind of perfected that evil laugh.
But the best one was when I brought home the man who has since become my ex for the first time, Loki looked him dead in the eyes and said “I’m going to bite you.” My parrot was the first one to see what a bad person my ex. He was smarter than us all.

“I remember when I was younger and I wanted to be beautiful; now I’m older and I want to be intelligent. I want to burn hearts with brilliance and engulf souls with compassion. I want to be loved for my thoughts and nothing else.”

why is superwholock those three random shows? like can you just combine anything and it becomes offical? like a star trek and star wars fandom called starstar?
-star trek, star wars and battlestar galactaca.
So “starstarstar” then?
-lookout superwholock there is a new fandumb in town
I am a proud member of starstarstar

“Abortion seems to be the only medical procedure that people want to deny you based on how you got in that situation.
Drove drunk, got in an accident and need an organ transplant? No problem.
Messing around with a gun, accidentally shoot yourself in the leg and need surgery? Of course.
Smoke tobacco for most of your life and need treatment for lung cancer? Yep.
Climb a tree, fall out and break your leg? We’ll fix that right up.

are you dude enough?

Nibbling at the speed of nyoom.

Fuck anyone who says social media isn’t incredible. this generation gets so heavily criticized for spending their time online, the thing is if it wasn’t for social media all Australia would know about what’s occurring in Pakistan would be what they showed in the literal 30 second segment on the news. They tell you it’s mind numbing because they realise you’re now able to focus on the things they don’t want you to focus on.

people: you should talk more!
me: *tries to talk*
-gets ignored
-gets interrupted
-gets talked over
-no one responds to my conversation
-no one pays attention
-no one cares

For all my shit about being stupidly out of shape, I work two jobs and I walk everywhere cus I cant afford a car or cab fare, so my fitness level could actually be so much worse.
thanks poverty!

I like selfies because I am in complete control of how I am being presented that is powerful like boys on facebook laugh at the “stupid girls taking mirror selfies” and media mocks “generation selfie” but maybe that is because girls are controlling how they are presenting images of themselves to the world and that is scary to them

   Hang on a minute…Shouldn’t all mermaids be fat? Mermaids are probably mammals, because of their visible breast tissue and horizontal tail fins.
Aquatic mammals need to have developed a thick layer of subcutaneous fat in order to survive in water. Even in a hot climate, swimming in water the whole time would require fatty insulation. So… chubby mermaids. Yeah.

Someone please make a “horror” story about a man moving into a house with his family only to realize that there’s a monster living there. But as you progress through the movie you realize the man is abusive and the monster falls in love with the wife and ends up taking her and their kid/s with them to live and leave the man behind to mourn.

“To be beautiful is to be almost dead, isn’t it? The lassitude of the perfect woman, the languid ease. The obeisance. Spirit trained, anemic, pale as ivory and weak as a kitten. There’s a brisk trade for photographs of dead women, did you know that? In certain quarters, corpses are improved with cosmetics and posed in postures of abject surrender, and photographed.”

People often tell girls, “Guys won’t buy the cow if they can get the milk for free.” Of course, if someone views you as a farm animal and marriage as you being purchased and your vagina as a dairy product they probably aren’t the best person to be taking advice from in the first place

I just got back from a kids camp I was working at over the summer. Last year, I  was the only employee under 30. This year, there were tons of incredibly attractive guys. I had my eyes set on the cutest, but I ended up falling head over heels for the guy who wore Marvel shirts all week and had a 2 hour conversation with me on who would win in a fight between Batman and Ironman. -justgirlythings

-i hope it wore a jacket
it’s back but thanks for your sense of humor very appreciated

I literally have no counter you’re completely right.

   me last year:on my way to hotness, a little mentally unstable
   me this year:hot as hell, completely off the rails

Is there a word that’s a mix between angry and sad
-malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated
there are two types of people

   friend:im having a problem with this person
   me:kill them

Slurs are not oppressive because they are offensive, they are oppressive  because slurs by nature of being slurs draw upon certain power dynamics  to remind their target of his/her/their vulnerability in a certain relation to power and as an extension of that, to threaten violence and exploitation of that vulnerability.

how to spend a billion dollars when you only have one weekend:
Okay, first? Pay off all your debts. Take out a small loan and pay it off right away.
Buy several hundred vacant houses. Schedule repairs for said houses with reputable contractors and make sizable down payments in advance. Get everything in writing and hang onto those deeds.
Buy a large open parcel of land that is being auctioned for development. And when I say large, I mean LARGE.
Sink millions into paying off people’s Kickstarters / college loans / medical bills / mortgages, and give generously charity organizations. That alone will carry off a lot of money.
Once you’ve got things down to a reasonable level, say $1m, buy yourself a house, furnishings, appliances, and a dependable car. Pay everything off so that you own it free and clear. Purchase about $200k worth of something easy to liquidate (i.e. gold, gems, bonds, stocks). Put the rest onto prepaid credit cards and wait for Monday to roll around.
You now have commendable credit and a shining public reputation.
Fix up and flip those houses, sell them for fair market value or below to families who need them, or create non-profit homeless shelters. (After all, it’s not like you need to “make” money, this is all running on the proceeds from the property sales.)
Sell the parcel of land to developers, or donate it to public works as a park or open space. Have them name it after you.
Retire to your fully furnished home. Liquidate your extra assets, or leave them to appreciate in value for a later date. Make Christmas epic with those gift cards. Keep the extra money in the bank and keep your day job.
And don’t worry about taxes when return time rolls around, because you’ll be able to write off several millions’ worth of charitable donations.

   all i want to do is learn stuff and not have compulsory tests on it. like, i love learning new stuff, and reading new books.
but when i stress myself out to the point where i’m crying because of exams, that kinda takes the fun out of it, do you feel me?

i want to start an all-positive conspiracy theory movement. chemtrails promote healthy bones. the moon landing was faked to give people something to believe in. the reptilians only wear skin suits to avoid startling people.

“Anxiety is the most silently painful experience. It makes no sense and you sit there alone and suffer for a unknown reason. You can’t explain it. You can’t stop it. It is horrible.”

   I need asexual representation because before I knew that asexuality existed, I would get severe anxiety thinking I would one day have to consent to sex with a romantic partner in order to be loved by them.
   I need asexual representation because the first time I came out to a group of strangers, one said, “I just don’t understand how you don’t feel anything.”
I need asexual representation because no one should ever feel broken or alone because they don’t want something that is supposedly “necessary” and “normal.”
I need asexual representation.

Teenage Girl Blossoming Into Beautiful Object:
“Ashley has really developed into quite a striking assemblage of physical attributes that are found to be sexually attractive in our culture,” said Parker’s uncle Keith Hayes, expressing astonishment at how his niece had steadily matured from a precocious youth into a shapely, ravishing thing devoid of intellect and personality.
“It’s hard to believe that she used to be that little girl [capable of subjective experiences] that I remember. Now look at her—she’s such a lovely vessel for displaced sexual frustration and voyeuristic lust, just like her mother.”
“Seems like just yesterday she was this creative 7-year-old kid, pretending her Barbie was the first woman president,” Hayes added. “My, they grow into little more than consumer goods so quickly.
Marveling at the rite of passage that all females make from girlhood into entirely disempowered objecthood, Hayes expressed confidence that the 17-year-old would one day become a highly prized physical possession for “one lucky guy.”

Once again, spite concurs all.

Apparently by refusing to plead either innocent or guilty, they couldn’t claim his land and sell it at auction. So basically he ensured that his children got his land when he died by not giving a verdict as a final “fuck you” to the court while also making sure his children were taken care of.

   Not allowing girls to breastfeed in public because if a man can’t suck a titty in public neither can a baby
-to be fair, children do easily get jealous of each other :/

   PSA did you guys know there’s an equivalent to the word “phallic” ??    Yonic: resembling of vulva/labia/vagina  Yonic, from from sanskrit word Yoni.
 flowers are yonic, fruit is yonic, i’m so excited that this word exists i literally have only ever heard the word “phallic” until now. YONIC!!

It’s crazy that there’s no dress code in college but boys can still somehow do schoolwork wow

Straight People: (spend literally centuries erasing the histories of queer people who made themselves known and pressuring the rest with threat of violence to the point where they’re forced to keep it a secret their whole lives)
Straight People: whats with this RECENT FAD where everyones SUDDENLY GAY

-This explains gay-dar. It’s not a sense of just knowing it’s the fact that we can fucking smell each other
eau d’homosexual

   I love when people apologize to me about their rooms being dirty I’m just like lmao u should see my life

   who on earth coined the stereotype that girls are obsessed with changing clothes i’ve been wearing the same t shirt and pajama pants for two days now and the same bra for like three. weeks

   just because a girl is bitchy doesn’t mean she’s on her period maybe she just doesn’t fucking like you or you’re being an annoying little shit

   a quick reminder:
not everyone knows what is and isn’t offensive
not everyone has the knowledge you do on slurs and their impact
so how about instead of bullying people who are wrong and writing them off as terrible people, you try educating them?
And if you say “it’s not my job to educate them” but you consider yourself an activist, you are not a very good activist.

it’s fascinating how blissfully unaware some people are of the history of art forms, and that, for instance, the novel was initially seen as a lesser, more barbaric medium that sloppily combined the graceful elegance of poetry and theater. and that’s not even getting into the issue that this message is being delivered via a comic strip, which, uh, I don’t know if you know this, Mr. Gregory, but you work in a medium that has been widely regarded as a waste of time.

drug effects reference’s for authors:
Methamphetamine Effects:
"Wired"—sleeplessness for days and weeks at a time, total loss of appetite, extreme weight loss, dialated pupils, excited, talkative, deluded sense of power, paranoia, depression, loss of control, nervousness, unusual sweating, shaking, anxiety, hallucinations, aggression, violence, dizziness, mood changes, blurred vision, mental confusion, agitation.
Ecstasy Effects:
Changes in mental and physical stimulation, altered perception of sound, light, touch. Stimulation of physical energy with related decrease in appetite and increase in body temperature. Increase in emotional response and sensual reactions. Teeth clenching, muscle cramping, nausea, chills and sweating. Body may overheat which can lead to fatalities.
Cocaine Effects:

Impaired thinking, confused, anxious, depressed, short tempered, panic attacks, suspiciousness, dilated pupils, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, decreased sexual drive, restlessness, irritability, very talkative, scratching, hallucinations, paranoia.
LSD (Acid) Effects:
Dilated pupils, skin discoloration, loss of coordination, false sense of power, euphoria, distortion of time and space, hallucinations, confusion, paranoia, nausea, vomiting, loss of control, anxiety, panic, helplessness, and self destructive behavior.
PCP Effects:
Sometimes violent or bizarre behavior (suicide has often occurred), paranoia, fearfulness, anxiety, aggressive or withdrawn, skin flushing, sweating, dizziness, total numbness, and impaired perceptions.
Inhalant Effects:
Short-lasting euphoria, giggling, silliness, dizziness. Then come the headaches and full-blown “faintings” or going unconscious. Longterm Use: Short-term memory loss, emotional instability, impairment of reasoning, slurred speech, clumsy staggering gait, eye flutter, tremors, hearing loss, loss of sense of smell, and escalating stages of brain atrophy. Sometimes these serious longterm effects are reversible with body detoxification and nutritional therapy; sometimes the brain damage is irreversible or only partially reversible.
Heroin Effects
Chemically enforced euphoria. “Nodding,” which is a dreamlike state, near sleep, drifting off for minutes or hours. For long-time abusers, heroin may act like a stimulant and they can do a normal daily routine; however, for others, it leaves them completely powerless to do anything.
Marijuana Effects
Compulsive eating, bloodshot red eyes that are squinty (they may have trouble keeping them open), dry mouth, excessive and uncontrollable laughter, forgetfulness, short term memory loss, extreme lethargy, delayed motor skills, occasional paranoia, hallucinations, laziness, lack of motivation, stupidity, sickly sweet smell on body, hair, and clothes, and strong mood changes and behaviors when the person is “high”

The male body is more susceptible to hereditary diseases because of their lack of a second X chromosome. Their testosterone production ages them faster and causes them to die sooner. Their center of gravity is higher because of their tiny little hips and overgrown shoulders, making them easier to topple. Their gonads are placed outside of the body, in a very vulnerable position, because they do not function properly if they get a little bit warmer than usual. They have non-functional nipples, but still enough breast tissue to get cancer.
The male body is not hardcore. The male body is to the female body what a shoddy, unstable mod is to a well-estabilished piece of software. Sit the fuck down. And try to not crush your fragile pathetic outside gonads when you do it.

“The rape joke is that you were eight.
The rape joke is that at the time,
you didn’t know people had sex to express love.
The rape joke is that the only other person
who’d seen you naked was your mom.
The rape joke is that he called you ‘beautiful’ first.
The rape joke is that he held your hands together
and told you to ‘try harder’ when you struggled.
The rape joke is that you believed him
when he told you were overreacting.
The rape joke is that your grandma
called him a nice boy and asked him to stay for dinner.
The rape joke is that he winked at you
when you apologized to your parents for not coming
downstairs the first time you were called.
The rape joke is that his friends
high-fived him for “getting some.”
The rape joke is that you still don’t feel like
you’ve regrown the pieces he stole.
The rape joke is that he was conceived when his
dad slapped himself into his snoring mother.
The rape joke is that her friends told her
she was lucky someone wanted her.
The rape joke is that each year in the United States,
32,000 other women’s bellies
ripen with life against their will.
The rape joke is that he never learned
to touch without scarring.
The rape joke is that your classmate thinks
‘have you seen what asses look like in yoga pants?’
is an argument.
The rape joke is your new boyfriend kissing
you and telling you he ‘raped’ his math test.
The rape joke is that ‘Why are girls so scared of rape? Y’all should feel pride that a guy risked his life in jail just to fuck you’
is a popular Tweet right now.
The rape joke is that you wake up to
the memory of him laughing,
“now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
The rape joke is that it’s been twelve years and
you still quiver when someone touches you.
The rape joke is that he hasn’t stopped laughing.
The rape joke is that you forgot how to.”

“I’ll lose, like, 20, 30 pounds, and I’m literally terrified something will happen. Like, a guy will smile at me, just probably being nice. But to me, it’s like a trigger, going back to, um… “Oh, my God, he finds me attractive.” You know. And then I find myself just eating chocolate and all that kind of stuff, so I can get that weight back. And I don’t want to be unhealthy. And I don’t want to be ugly. But ugly is safe. Ugly is so safe. I’m not afraid of being raped anymore because I’m ugly. I’m just safe. I am so safe.
I guess I have to say it over and over again because deep down inside I don’t even believe that.”

   mainstream tumblr feminism may have many glaring faults but it has bred an army of teenage girls who understand the common ways that misogyny is reinforced in society and who know that they’re better off loving their fellow woman than fighting with her and that’s actually pretty damn revolutionary

“As long as men are brainwashed to equate violent domination and abuse of women with privilege, they will have no understanding of the damage done to themselves or others, and no motivation to change”

"not all men!" but all women are bad drivers and all women are moody and all women are emotional and all women get to be painted with the same brush but don’t you dare generalize men that’s unfair!!!!!!!!
-And there it is

“I find it poor logic to say that because women are good, women should vote. Men do not vote because they are good; they vote because they are male, and women should vote, not because we are angels and men are animals, but because we are human beings and citizens of this country.”
—  Jo March, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, 1868

#yesallwomen: Because my hormones make me an ineffective leader and a man’s hormones absolve him of rape.

In a way, when guys say “But not all men!” They really are helping a feminist case.
If, when you first meet a girl, you have to distinguish yourself from other members of your gender by saying that you, in particular, are not a rapist or murderer, you’re admitting that male violence is a huge issue. Maybe next time you try and say that, think, “Wow, if I have to tell her I’m not a murderer, maybe there are too many instances of male to female assault”

“Should a father, should a mother delight in a child’s precocious beauty and her playfulness and innocence? Absolutely yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But if beauty is the only thing you’re drawing attention to,you’re really doing gender violence. Do you tell your beautiful two-year-old son that he’s beautiful? I hope so.I hope, in many ways, as often. But why do you then talk about, “oh, you are so strong.” Say that to your daughter? “You are so bright.” “You know, you are so funny.”
In other words, our task is not to create, but one window of honoring the glory of being made in the image of God. The facets of a child’s ongoing growth of goodness and beauty now needs to be heard as not merely physical, but a kind of beauty that has to do with, “I love the way you fight with me. You are really articulate
seven-year-old. In fact, I got a point a moment or two ago when I wasn’t quite sure what to do with you. You are really bright. Now, you’re also gonna go to your room. So you’re not gonna get more ice cream. But I love the way you argued for that.””

i hate that “LOL SO IF WOMEN ARE EQUAL CAN I PUNCH YOU” shit bc 1 in 3 women are abused. y’all are already punching us, the issue is that we’d like you to stop

I don’t know how violence against women became a womens issue. Not only do women get raped and battered and undermined and destroyed, but then we have to fix it! then we have to make it better, then we have to figure out the solution for a problem we didn’t create. So tonight we’re going to give the issue back to men, because this is actually your issue. We women are not raping ourselves as it turns out.

in movies, whenever a hot guy fake-flirts with an “ugly” girl and she gets all flustered, it’s intended to be a funny joke and make u think the girl is pathetic for believing such an attractive man could be interested in her. ur supposed to hate the girl.
but whenever a hot girl fake-flirts with an ugly guy and he gets all flustered, it’s intended to make u feel bad for the guy and think the girl is a Bitch. ur supposed to hate the girl.
ur always supposed to hate the girl.

“Will Cameron: Did she yell for help? Did she scream? Tell him to stop?
Agent Doug Tate: Just because she didn’t scream didn’t mean this wasn’t rape. Now that guy is twenty years older than she is, he groomed her for weeks to get her into that motel room. And she’s armed with what? Half of an eighth grade education and the expectation that the world is a decent place.”

Why is the blame for romanticizing mental illness lodged at teenage girls documenting/trying to cope with their struggles with mental illness and not grown men who make movies about how medication is evil and schizophrenia is magic powers.

I was 15 and you were 13. Exactly one year and four months apart. But they will say two years because apparently, in months, we are supposed to round up. I had never met you before, even though we went to the same school. After the usual Friday night routine of underage binge drinking and smoking to look cool, we ended up staying over at a mutual friend’s house. His not-so-traditional parents made it an ideal hangout.
We were talking casually when I first noticed you flirting. I wasn’t exactly a looker back then, and definitely not the kind of guy who girls at our school usually flirted with, so I guess I was flattered. I made some kind of attempt to mirror your advances and we kissed.
“Bed” turned out to be you, your friend and me sleeping on three mattresses in a dining room. We held hands when the lights were out and you guided my hand to your breasts.
We gave up our virginity in eight minutes of clumsiness and confusion. You took my belt off and I battled with your bra. We were as silent as we could have been so as not to wake your friend who lay just two metres away, asleep.
I think we were both relieved when it finished. We didn’t use a condom, I guess because I never expected to have sex any time soon and if you did have one with you it wasn’t offered.
It was entirely mute apart from the simple, but essential, “Do you want to … ?” and “Yes.”
We parted with closed-mouth kisses and I returned to my mattress to sleep.
I woke up being shaken by my friend’s father and two policemen. They were telling me to get dressed and come with them. I didn’t have a clue what was going on.
One of the officers instructed the other to “bag” my T-shirt so my friend’s dad gave me his to put on; all the while I was being escorted through the house rubbing my eyes and asking what was happening.
Through the living room door, I saw more police comforting you. My friend was shouting something in my defence but it wasn’t until I was being arrested at the side of the police car for rape that I realised what was happening.
The arresting officer held my arm in detention until I finished heaving my stomach on to the street before pushing me into the back of the police car and driving me to the station.
I was processed and taken to a single cell where the door was closed and my head exploded. I didn’t make a single sound and declined the blanket and the solicitor, as if they might let me out for good behaviour. They took my shoelaces so I didn’t hang myself.
I woke up in tears to the realisation that I was still in a nightmare that couldn’t possibly be true. My foster dad had been called and he came and cried with me, demanded a solicitor and sat through a police interview so in-depth and humiliating that I still refuse to let myself remember it.
I had samples of my nails, saliva and pubic hair taken.
For three months, my bail was renewed monthly while the case was investigated. All this time, I wasn’t allowed to arrive at school until every other pupil was in class, for their safety. I spent every day in isolation, having work from each lesson sent to me via reception staff. If I went to the toilet, I’d be accompanied inside and prevented from talking to any other pupil in the school who I’d spent the last three years trying to make friends with.
My foster placement nearly collapsed because social workers were not sure if I could be trusted to live in the same house as my foster sister. I became completely introverted.
The charges were dropped in January, after the worst Christmas of my life. I was told that charges against you and me for underage sex had been considered but weren’t pursued. They did not give me any options to take action against you.
I never saw you after that night. In the six years since, I have done all I can to block out the horror of not just that night but of every month spent on bail. While the police seemed to hold true to innocent until proven guilty, my friends and their families certainly didn’t. Even when I returned to a you-free school, I never quite recovered. My relationships since have been damaged and I still struggle to trust my partners. I tell practically no one now about what happened, for fear of being perceived as a rapist and because I guess they’d say stories like mine make it harder for real victims of rape to be believed.
I moved away from home and keep minimal ties with my old life, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget what you did. I don’t know why you told your friend that I had raped you – maybe because you didn’t want to admit you’d had sex so casually or maybe because you were scared.
But I will never be able to forgive you for what you did to me.
You damaged my perception of women entirely and the only relationship I have since been able to sustain is with a man I can trust.
Rape is an abhorrent crime and every victim should be able to report it. But false accusations of rape are abhorrent too, and the victims too easily forgotten. Not only do false allegations damage the life of the victim but they also contribute to the trivialisation of the seriousness of genuine sexual violence.

Okay, rant is over. Im calmer now. well, im not really calm, I just got so upset I tired myself out.

may the bridges I burn light the way.

Well that sure was fun. I think we all learned something important! Let’s never do it again.

   follow for more of whatever the hell this is
If you gained superpowers, would you be in the X-Men or the Brotherhood or Evil Mutants? The answer is neither: All of us would join the Society of Superpowered Dickheads. Because, let's face it -- we wouldn't use our powers to save the world or dominate it. We'd use them to be hilariously petty to each other like a bunch of toddlers.

i worry that i’m gonna remember all these memes forever. like when i’m 30, someone will unintentionally say something that reminds me of a meme i laughed about when i was a teenager, and im gonna be walking through the grocery store or at the dmv getting new plates or at work and im just gonna start crying about memes. i fear the day this will happen.

constantly moving and twitching in his loving tribute to kinetic energy, and he seems to be constantly daring the camera and the unlucky people cast as his henchman to keep up with him.

More so than with any other superhero, fans are very protective of their favorite version of Batman. Just going on more than one website will reveal that your personal pick for preferred interpretation of the Caped Crusader is, at best, a thought crime and, at worst, something worth posting a meme about. Stating that one of the best portrayals of the character is Adam West's is like going to Salem, Massachusetts, in 1692 and announcing that you can float.

The '60s Batman series is constantly deemed the worst superhero show ever, usually by people who have watched a very limited amount of it. Viewing more than just two-minute videos of Batman dancing on YouTube will lead you to discover that the show is savagely awesome, with a lot of facets that are commonly ignored. So let me take you on a journey past the realm of POW and WHAM and show you the true beauty of a misunderstood classic. I'm your Bat-suit-wearing Jesus, friends.
#5. It's All Tongue-in-Cheek

In the 1980s, comic writer and celebrated maker of frowny faces at hippies Frank Miller decided that Bruce Wayne needed to be a sociopathic, militant genius, who'd made it his mission to recruit multiple children in a suicidal run toward a lower crime rate. Since then, the idea of a dark and gritty Batman has been shoved down our throats at every opportunity. It's had its high points, like Batman: The Animated Series and The Dark Knight, but it's also had numerous downsides, like ceaseless jokes about nipples on the Batman costume.

Warner Bros.
Like this one. *Play for full effect*

Batman & Robin is a terrible movie and should be ashamed of itself. But, if we weren't so fixated on having Batman be as depressingly cynical as possible, we wouldn't have to hear the same joke about rubber tits every time someone says, "You won't put me in the cooler!" with the accent of a drunk Austrian man doing an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. Batman & Robin could've silently died, and we all could've been spared hundreds of reminders of just how hilarious and goofy it is that someone saw Batman's chest and decided, "Hey. That should look more like a chest."

Because of our preconceived Bat-notions, people watch a clip of '60s Batman and assume that it's some television experiment gone horribly wrong. It was nominated for an Emmy for best comedy in 1966, but history has revised it as people with the best intentions of creating a serious Batman show slipping up somehow and producing the exact opposite thing. God, people in 1966 were idiots! Didn't they know that making everything colorful isn't the way to go about delivering a moody billionaire's fight against evil? How widespread was fetal alcohol syndrome among the writers of '60s superhero television?

In the first episode of Batman, Batman goes into a club in full costume, dances with The Riddler's hot henchwoman, has his orange juice drugged, and then stumbles back out to his car. Or, he experiences, as David Hasselhoff would call it, Monday morning:

Police find Batman draped over his steering wheel and take his keys away. Batman, recognizing that it isn't safe to drive your nitro car when you're this sloshed and bearing a ceaseless hard-on for upholding the law, gives his keys away without a fight:

"Your B.A.C. says you're at twice the legal limit!"
"My B.A.T. says I need some fuckin' HASH. BROWNS."

Also, the main plot of this episode deals with The Riddler suing Batman over false arrests. Everything about those last few sentences reads "Hey, guys. Let's make a funny show about Batman!" and not "We tried to make a dramatic superhero show, but we were just toooooo stupid. And could you show me that cool use-a-fork-to-eat trick again?" To look at that and decide that it's a vain attempt at creating an entirely different kind of TV show is being willfully ignorant of the principles of logic.
#4. The Performances Are Awesome

The comedy in live-action Batman stuff has always been a mixed bag. Tim Burton's Batman features newspaper reporter Alexander Knox, whose comic timing can best be described as "For fuck's sake, Knox." Batman Returns has Danny DeVito and Christopher Walken to pick up the slack. I wouldn't wish Batman Forever on anyone, and Batman & Robin is funny because its dialogue is pure, made-for-a-drinking-game, train-wreck perfection. Christopher Nolan is a talented director, but he delivers humor in the same way that I fix household appliances. He doesn't really get HOW, but that's certainly not going to stop him from putting "Now this is REALLY not good!" into the mouths of every cop with a paunch. Also, my microwave is almost ludicrously broken. Someone, send help. Kicking it hasn't worked once.

On the other end of the quip spectrum is '60s Batman, which excels at being self-aware and is often hilarious. It's got good writing, but coming from the lips of anyone else, it would be a parade of nonsense and a declaration of war against giggling. Add to this the show's numerous guest stars -- including Vincent Price as Egghead, a role he was born for, as he seems to literally taste every line he utters -- and you have a group that usually slumps only when it's the fault of a non-actor. This is especially evident in the third season, when the budget for the show was cut, and the opening to every scene in the script reads "INT: SAME CLAUSTROPHOBIC ROOM AS EARLIER."

They had to use a bald cap because they couldn't afford razors to shave him every day.

Somehow, there managed to be a shining beacon in this sea of goddamn delight, and it was Frank Gorshin's Emmy-nominated performance as The Riddler. Gorshin is constantly moving and twitching in his loving tribute to kinetic energy, and he seems to be constantly daring the camera and the unlucky people cast as his henchman to keep up with him. The show's biggest plot twist is that -- and I hate to spoil it for you -- they can't.

Before the guys dressed in a matching color scheme have the time to utter, "Yeah, boss," Gorshin has already done three full laps around the set. Each of his appearances are hidden calisthenics lessons, and every line of Gorshin's dialogue has the cadence of a man who's just learned that the fate of his job rests on the next word that he says. What is always tired, yet always pleased? Holy ignited loins, Batman! It's Frank Gorshin's wife! His Riddler is one of the top performances in superhero history, but it's rarely mentioned anymore because, you know, haha, the screen says "CRACK!" when a guy falls down.

As Bruce Wayne, Adam West's main facial expression is "Yeah, I'm secretly Batman. How cool is that? I know. I know. But you DON'T know." As Batman, he anchors the entire show, and he's the perfect example of how to be the straight man without sacrificing the audience's interest in you.

It would've been easy to hire a Batman that was simply content with letting Cesar Romero's Joker laugh in his face while he spoke random generalizations about justice. But those generalizations become effortlessly quotable when spoken by West, with his smugly cool way of letting the mentally unstable know that they'll be spending the night in the Gotham Penitentiary, and with his whiskey-smooth voice. Unless they're pesky Aunt Harriet, the show makes a habit of letting you know that the ladies of Gotham have a Top 2 list for whom they'd like to bang, and it's: 1) Batman, and 2) Bruce Wayne, but if he's not available, then Batman. Adam West's pheromones have not yet been properly researched, but that's because no scientist can be in the same building as him without asking if he's seeing anyone.

They take the story skeleton that I just described, and fill it with as many jokes, character moments, and action set-pieces as possible.
And end with all three at the same time.
Despite being an "action" character known for his ninja powers, when it comes to live performances, Batman's collection of competent fight scenes is a small one. The fights are either stilted, as in the Burton/Schumacher films, or edited in a way that makes them incoherent, as with Nolan's. Batman doesn't have his first good hand-to-hand combat sequence in movies until The Dark Knight Rises, and even then it's a flurry of punches and blocks, interspersed with two men walking slowly toward each other.

The '60s Batman fight scenes ignore the space between one person's fist and a meaner person's chin, and they're all the better for it. If there is a light fixture in the room, Robin will swing through the air on it. If there is a short ledge, or even a single step, it can be trusted that Batman will use it as a diving board. In the first episode involving Mr. Freeze, there is a stuffed polar bear in the room, and even before a fight inevitably broke out, I knew that that example of shoddy taxidermy was going to be shoved into a crook's torso, Like a Chekhov's nature display. And it was, because this show is a bunch of people playing charades with the word "joy."

Earlier, in the same episode, a bunch of henchmen dressed like Batman and Mr. Freeze fight the real Batman and Robin, for no other reason than for us to see what it looks like. And it looks like some Bat person made a racist joke about people in subzero outfits. It's a weird, colorful mess, as a dozen actors stumble over each other to throw clumsy right crosses, and then it is promptly forgotten. Batman never stops to say, "Well, that was nuts," as any other person in the world would do, but that is the beauty of the show's engineered lunacy. It's so caught up in trying to be entertaining that it never stops to consider undertaking something realistic.

you thinking sappy thoughts again?
-yes OwO
thought so.

Imagine how a ring system would impact the traditions and mythologies of various cultures depending on where in the world they were and how they saw the rings.

"I’ve never been to war. I can’t have PTSD." Yes, you can.
"I’m not suicidal. I can’t have depression." Yes, you can.
"He’s never hit me. It can’t be abuse." Yes, it can.
Suffering is not a contest. Your experiences are valid. Seek out the help you need.

I think we need to invent a game called ‘shatner’
Someone yells ‘SHATNER’ at you and then you have to overact whatever you were doing. So it’s basically like the less dangerous version of infomercial.

What about like, muslim vampires who aren’t affected by the cross and can go out in the sun because their hijabs give them protection.

dont talk shit about my shitty country only people who live here can do that

I don’t sleep much. I’m always thinking.

*gets down on one knee* will you…….. *takes out ring* ……….fight me?
-*in tears* yes, yes I will
*starts sobbing uncontrollably* *punches you square in the face*

Sometimes in daily life I like to pretend I’m a time traveler from late medieval Europe and I’m just fucking amazed at my luxurious life
Let me tell you, 14th c me is REALLY impressed with modern me’s easy access to pepper and cinnamon
"you have multiple purple garments? you must be a person of some note"
"these chairs are fantastically luxurious"
"I’ve never seen so much salt in one place"

I need advice.
no wait, nevermind. I already did the stupid thing.

im educated but like…im still stupit

2015: The year we obsessed over a 20 year old movie that was a remake of a 20 year old TV show that’s now 40 years old.

so many of my friends are queer that i genuinely forget that the majority of the population isn’t on a regular basis

When I date someone I steal their body heat and eat their food and nuzzle them a lot basically I’m 100% useless and also a cat

“Authors were shy, unsociable creatures, atoning for their lack of social aptitude by inventing their own companions and conversations.”

Anxiety AND Depression?  More like “I want to die and yet I’m afraid I might”
i love how no matter how badly you fuck up benadryl cumquat’s name everyone on here still knows who ur talking about

my dad just called me phil for literally no reason
-how do you phil about it?
im philled with rage. also fuck you

I feel like the kind of person destined to observe, but never experience.

   me:i wish i could go on an epic quest and get magic medicine just like in 90s kids movies and make my dad not have shingles anymore
   me:i would journey through all the mists and the forests and learn all the environmental messages
   mom:we're out of tylenol and toilet paper and your dad can't go to the store and it's like really cold
   me:my time has come
   me:*pretends aldi is full of mist*

   people who say “monster people” but just mean “pretty anime people with demon horns or cat ears ” are one of the minor banes of my existence.

Of course im immature. Im twelve years old for fucks sake.

   me: sad because I’m not productive
   me: not productive because I’m sad

lifes too short to be nice to people who suck

Whining since you don’t know how to cry…

you’ve got to look inside yourself and say, what am I willing to put up with today?

girl passed out at a party last night. I found her address in her phone put her in my car, and drove her there. Her mom cried and hugged me, and that speaks volumes about what usually happens to girls.

   Do you ever have that outfit you wear so often you think
"Yes, this is the outfit I’d be drawn in everyday if I was a cartoon"

person: you're pretty cool!
me: oh my god prepare to be very disappointed

whoa have you ever noticed that theres no present
like as soon as we do something its done its over with and it automatically becomes the past
me writing this has become the past
you reading the last sentence is the past
there is no actual present and that blows my mind
*existential crisis intensifies*

this is certainly not my proudest boner.

Depression is a flaw in chemistry, not character.

tbh bae, idgaf
I mean, yes, this is funny, but mostly I’m just struck by how AMAZING language and its capacity for evolution and elasticity is. This would be incomprehensible to an English-speaker living in any other time.

foxnewsofficial: what the fuck are you doing to stop global warming right now?
-turning my ac all the way up too cool off the earth around my house
foxnewsofficial: you’re just the man we’ve been looking for

things i hate:
institutionalized racism
banana strings
-If you peel the banana from the bottom, you will not get the strings
brilliant. do u have solutions for the other two?

don’t give up, you’ve still got a couple of motherfuckers to prove wrong.

in case I don’t make it, take care of my cat.

an all-female Fall Out Boy parody/cover band called Stand In Girl
a My Chemical Romance parody/cover band called Our Elemental Tragedy
a Panic! At The Disco parody/cover band called Calm! In The Mosh Pit

marriage existed before Christianity. It is not yours to define.

person: this is my lvl 100 dragonite, his ability is inner focus and it’s got a rash nature
me: this is my gengar, i love him he is purple and fat

You have to be odd to be number one.

I love it when the dogs are on guard but not in full bark mode yet and they just whisper “boof”

I have a habit of being too casual, so one time while I was working I accidentally said “what’s crackalackin?” to an old woman looking for medication and she replied “my bones dear”.

   according to my lil cousin, my hands are so cold because I have a secret ghost boyfriend who holds my hand a lot

   *me looking at a really nsfw drawing* i really like how they drew the hands

Im not a bloody taxi service, if you want a lift I expect money.
- that would make you a taxi service.

I don’t wanna hear about your diet. Just shut up, eat your lettuce, and be sad.

remember kids, if you don’t sin, then jesus died for nothing.

mom can i borrow money to buy you a present?

   pool party at my house bring your own pool

   "I strength check my pants off!"  -Our very drunk barbarian who promptly failed to rip his pants off

romanticize yourself 2k15. you’re the cute protagonist and everyone wants to see your character development

   what t if oregon trail was called wagon age: oregons

How to start a book, or Me as a screw up protagonist.
The building was on fire, and it wasn’t my fault I swear.

Do you ever start telling your parents a funny story but then you remember what happened was illegal
Do you ever start telling your parents a funny story but then you remember that it involves queer things and you’re not out to your parents
Do you ever start telling your parents a story and realize they’ll make it in to a life lesson
Do you ever start telling your parents a story and realize they don’t give a shit

*begins breakdancing gently* what’s wrong, son

someday, in the distant future, humans will once again be capable of hearing the phrase “what is love” without also feeling the primal urge to respond with “baby don’t hurt me”

i always feel really uncomfortable when two heavily tattooed people have a baby and the baby comes out blank idk i just expect some tattoos

Why be the dancing queen when you can be the killer queen, gunpowder gelatine, dynamite with a laser beam, guaranteed to blow your mind

sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.

why doesn’t anyone appreciate my bitterness and sarcasm as much as I do?

loitering is basically the illegal act of existing while not spending money

lonely is not a feeling when you are alone. Lonely is a feeling when no one cares.

you are never taller than when you stand up for yourself.

bottle up emotions, Molotov cocktail.

so you’ve hit rock bottom. A solid foundation.

When life gets harder, you must have just leveled up.

worlds biggest problem is that intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.

My main financial goal is to someday have the means to own a bathtub deep enough to cover my knees and my breasts at the same time.
-This is the dream

"Thank you for choosing our airline"
Thanks for being the cheapest option

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t of had fallen for the second.”

fuck homework, im becoming a prostitute.

im fluent in talking shit.

well I already know im going to hell, at this point it’s really just go big or go home.

forgive and forget?? Ha ha ha, no, more like resent and remember.

before you complain about animals being a nuisance, remember, you destroyed their habitat to make your own.

for most of history, anonymous was a woman.

u kno when u have a traumatic childhood that makes u grow up too fast but then u cant remember any of it so it literally feels like u had 0 childhood…

“Sometimes it takes being put into cages to realize one has claws and teeth.”

brainfreeze is my favorite pain response because it’s literally your body telling you to stop eating fucking snow, you stupid jackass, what is wrong with you

everything happens for a reason, sometimes the reason  is you’re stupid and make bad decisions.

you only live once is a false statement. You live every day, you only die once.

what i say:i'm bored
what i mean:none of my usual hobbies are stimulating enough for me anymore because i am dead inside and i am desperately craving human interaction in a vain attempt to keep myself from slipping into the abyss of insanity

*Usain Bolt posing with his winning tortoise at a tortoise race*
-are you telling me the fastest man in the world spends his free time racing slow ass animals?
-are you telling me the fastest man in the world has the fastest slowest animal?

Teens - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff?
Adults -  What are you doing today? Want to hang out?
Teens - Hey! What you doing today? Want to hang out?
Adults - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff?

Tumblr is like an instagram filter.

thomas sanders is the type of guy I’d trust my dogs with while i went on a 2 month vacation in the bahamas
-You shouldn’t have trusted me. You’re not getting your dogs back.

guy customer:hey when's your next day off
me:this weekend, why?
guy customer:may I ask you to coffee?
me:hate to do this to you but I'm a lesbian
guy customer:well that sucks
girl customer:oh hell yeah, want to get coffee?
me:oh my god

fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

I can resist everything but temptation.

I may not agree with you, but I will defend to the death your right to make an ass of yourself.

I’m not vain. I’m just recovering from years and years of low self-esteem.

the reason i dont read a lot of books these days is because i always am like “right after i finish up reading this fanfiction” but i never finish reading fanfiction. there is always more fanfiction, and it is always more fun. sorry books

 teachers say tests are easy but they wouldn’t know because they have all the answers. they also say it’s super easy which is dumb because they literally majored in teaching this subject so of course they think it’s easy

A person should not have to have an advanced law degree to avoid being taken advantage of by an multibillion dollar company.

"C’mere cupcake!" Crude language and sarcasm are little defense against THIS patriot’s affections. There’s no escaping this bear hug, you furry soldier. "Welcome to the team maggot. We’re one big happy family! Except the medics, most of the medics are crackpots. Avoid the medics."

"SENSIBLE HAIRCUTS!" A large soldier crashes through the undergrowth, catcoons clinging on his shoulders, in his hair, and peeking out of his overcoat. He’s holding a box of homemade donuts, his face set in a stern frown. "If GOD had wanted you to stay fit and slim, he would not have created ME."

spy replied in a french accent so thick he coughed up a beret.

“Well, it was KNIFE knowing you.”—  Spy probably at some point while backstabbing someone.

Throughout his career, Carl worked as a science popularizer and as a professor of astronomy and critical thinking. He stayed true to his understanding of the world even in tough times—like when his little girl asked him if he would ever get to see his dead parents again:
He considered his answer carefully. Finally, he said that there was nothing he would like more in the world than to see his mother and father again, but that he had no reason—and no evidence—to support the idea of an afterlife, so he couldn’t give in to the temptation.
Then he told me, very tenderly, that it can be dangerous to believe things just because you want them to be true. You can get tricked if you don’t question yourself and others, especially people in a position of authority. He told me that anything that’s truly real can stand up to scrutiny.

Fun fact:
When male Lions fight they try to look big and powerful to scare off the opponent.
When Lionesses fight, it’s to the death,
And I think that pretty much sums up the difference between males and females. One tries to big itself up, one won’t back down

My girlfriend is on a cruise so while she’s gone I’m gonna cut the sleeves off of all my shirts
She’s pretty much 85% of my impulse control

Imagine how a ring system would impact the traditions and mythologies of various cultures depending on where in the world they were and how they saw the rings.

im sorry my english isn’t very good
-oh your English is fine, trust me! Whats your first language?
english is my first language but im still not good at it

"Not all men" you’re right, Steve Irwin, animal lover and reptile enthusiast, would have never done this

   the reviews say “gritty realism” but the heart whispers “suburban straight boy libertarian fantasy with a limited color palette”

“it’s so dumb when girls wear yoga pants as everyday clothing” says the boy currently wearing basketball shorts who is currently not on a basketball court.

if you call me a nerd there’s a 99.99% chance that i’d agree with you

*reads some famous classic poetry in an attempt to expand my mind or something*
hey this was quoted in calvin & hobbes
maybe cartoons were sufficient all along

   that post that’s like “if you don’t feel up for school then just dont go! you dont owe anyone an explanation” like i really appreciate that sentiment but also have you ever existed in the real world at all

-what the heck was that?
aww yes, the famous “two intense seconds of anxiety and crippling self doubt”. But I bottled that motherflipper right up.

im not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

   archie:yo shelly im trying to come up with some cool outfits for us what do u want to wear
   shelly:i want to show off my tits
   matt:bro i wanna show off my tits too
   archie:nice nice ill show them off too this is gonna be great we're the fucking best team ever

Pollia condensata, the fruit of the herb is the shiniest living material in the world.

the more aggressive a don’t starve character’s battle cry is the funnier it is when they yell the battle cry as they chase a butterfly for two feet and give up

   Me signing up for an 8am class:this will be so good for me. I can wake up with the sun, fix my sleep schedule, act like someone who gets things done.
   Me actually having an 8am class:god is dead. Winter is eternal. Love does not exist.

   Thought -  Deities exist, but what if they were super polite about coming into our lives and musings? Like what if Hera shows up and says “Hi, I know you’re busy, but I wanted to let you know I’m hanging around so if you need help with anything, feel free to ask and I’ll see what I can do”?

im not obsessed, im passionate. and if u can be passionate about sports and video games, then  i can be passionate about cartoons

good non gendered words to say instead of dude to someone who doesnt want to be called a dude
buddy,  bud, pal, neighbor, old sport,  *australian voice* mate, *cowboy voice* partner, *strong Russian accent like Siberian winter* COMRADE, *Harsh demonic voice* MORTAL, *metallic voice* FELLOW DECEPTICON,

Oh no! I never considered that you might be evil!

   My goal is to be that rich single aunt that flies everywhere and wears designer clothing and brings expensive gifts to her less successful family members

person:How's school going?
me:Good. Sometimes I get the overwhelming desire to eat glass but it usually passes without incident

If you replace the “W” in Where, What, and When with a “T”, you answer the question

girls are amazing. we give each other things constantly. u need a tampon?? 5 girls will look in their purses! u have dry hands? here use some of my lotion!! oh no are u thirsty?? let’s share my drink!! looking for a cute outfit?? u can borrow some my clothes if u want!! are u hungry?? wait 10 minutes i’ll make u dinner!!


   girlfriend: why don’t you take off that battle armor and slip into something a bit more…..comfortable
me: i am most comfortable when i am impervious to most physical forms of attack

   Imagine finding a dragon egg one day, and it hatches in your house and thinks you’re its mom. Then the next morning you wake up and find this mini dragon has gathered all the lose change and shiny objects in your house in a pile, and is gnawing on a nickel. And then when you take it out for walks, it picks up every coin it sees cause its a hoarder. And your house is eventually full of coins. And you are rich. And have a dragon.

all this meme fuckery is plunging tumblr into a meme collapse, memes last for smaller and smaller periods of time and more memes are made eventually causing meme hyperinflation, that and the continued decrease in quality of said memes will cause an evental collapse of the meme market

I wish I was in the financial position to buy my friends the birthday presents they deserve

If you become a vampire do you automatically become a very sharp dresser or is that a skill that you develop over time. are there novice vampires meandering around in aeropostale shirts and khaki pants?

I know my blog sucks but stfu let it suck in peace

   my policy for “they’re just doing it for attention” is generally “then someone probably needs to pay attention to them”

if you want to sound sick when calling in to work, lie on your back while hanging your head over the edge of the bed. You’ll sound congested.

thy’re all lables. You just label everything, that is so fucking lazy. There is nothing about technique, nothing structure, nothing about intention, it’s just a bunch of crappy opinions, backed up by even crappier comparisons. none of this cost you anything, you risk nothing, and yet you decide to put in jeopardy the hard work of others, just because you can. online photoshop.

"Did your brain finally collapse in on itself from the weight of your ego?"

someone:what's up
me:i am not comfortable telling you what is happening in my life, how about you?

vintage top hat full of pornography

only 90’s kids will get this: inability to advance in any carrer due to the economic downturn coupled with high boomer population still working.

This is far more advanced than any sexting I’ve ever done.

       Anxiety really cramps my style like how am I going to seem chill and fun if I often start trembling and breathing heavily and developing a look of impending doom in my eyes
-If Iron Man can do it, so can I
this is literally one of the most inspirational things

As someone who is generally pretty quiet, and has been constantly interrupted and talked over my whole life, I just feel the need to express my genuine love for people who actually listen. People who give me time to talk and prompt me to continue if someone interrupts me.
I love you. Please keep that up.

*showers to avoid responsibilities*

the pitch of someone’s voice is not an indicator of their gender, goodbye
-yeah it is, dummy. everyone knows theres only 4 genders, alto, tener, soprano, and bass.
     -please stop baritone erasure

how many men who say they’re in the friendzone are actually in the “I was just nice to him because I felt bad for him but now he’s getting all clingy and manipulative to the point that he is making me regret basic human kindness which I feel really guilty about but I just want to be free from this nightmare” zone

Im not a “mad” scientist, just a disappointed scientist.

   me:grades don't really matter at the end of the day
   me:life is so much more than how well you did on a test on a subject you'll forget in five years
   me:we can't be measured by percentages and grade point averages
   *gets a bad grade*
   me:I've brought dishonor to myself, my family and my cow

   Dear necromancers, why would you bother summoning human corpses when dinosaurs are an option
-there is literally an entire movie series dedicated to explaining why we do not reanimate dinosaurs

son, those are all things you want, this santa give you things you need.
-like a swift kick in the ass?
No. You need a job. You are a flesh eating demon that literally saps happiness and life away just being near others. Welcome to human resources.


   FUN STORY: my grandma lives in a city that was currently taken over by drug dealers and gangs and it’s now divided in two and my grandma is the oNLY CITIZEN IN THE WHOLE CITY who can go walking freely through both sides of the town because she used to do community work and feed the poor kids and those gang members were all fed by her so they let her come and go as she wants SO WHAT WE LEARN TODAY IS TO BE FUCKING NICE TO KIDS BC U MIGHT BE DEALING W FUTURE GANG MEMBERS

where are the menimists fighting for trans men? Gay men? Male victims of rape? Or are they just too busy harassing feminists online?

when referring to someone, always say who they are before saying anything about them, because being a person always comes first. Instead of saying “the mentally ill man” say “the man with mental illness”.

people are happier when kept busy but are programmed to be lazy.

I’m at a museum right now and I’m really bored so I was taking a selfie and this rly hot guard said “please do not take pictures of the artwork” and I apologized and explained I was only taking a selfie and he goes “I know” and winked

im suspicious of people who don’t like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person.

the fucking worst is when people are like “you hate people for having a different opinion than you!!!!”  like im not shitting on this guy because he thinks pistachio ice cream is gross, im shitting on him because he actually believes that i and people like me dont deserve basic human rights and respect and safety

yesterday i went to buy something and the store owner looked up and said something to me in chinese and i was so surprised i just said “what” in english and then we stared at each for a full ten seconds like what the fuck we are in spain

   me:hahaha what's up NERDS
   friends:dude you're like, the nerdiest of the group
   me:lmao yeah right losers
   friends:you just bragged about having a bunch of star trek stuff
   me:yeah ok but

my favorite part of the day is when i get to go to bed

Smaug represents everything I want in a romantic interest
1) money
2) dragon

parents : you can’t have any problems you are just a teenager.

my English teacher says “eh” a lot and every time im like “haha I bet he’s from canada”, but then I remember. Im Canadian. I live in Canada.

I watch so much American tv nowadays that today when I went downstairs and saw my dad drinking tea I thought to myself “what is he, British?” and then I realized, my dad is British, I am British, we live in Britain.

what a beautiful day to not be in high school

i think the funniest joke in friends is that rachel could afford half the rent of a 2 bedroom apartment in lower manhattan by working in food service

when you’re in trouble there are five options:
stay silent and get yelled at for ignoring your parent
apologize and get yelled at for sass (even when it was sincere)
defend yourself and get yelled at for talking back
answer any questions your parent asked you and get yelled at for sass (again even if it’s sincere)

cry, then get yelled out for crying
like what am I supposed to do when I get yelled at for literally everything

   There are certain things you should never call a man, no matter what the circumstance – terms that hurt and offend our masculinity
Girls, take note: Men hate it when you call them:

       Original Windows Vista Desktop Wallpaper
       Generic Toilet Paper that’s thinner than tracing paper
       Wet Sock
       Robin Thicke
-I got emotional reading “Original Windows Vista Desktop Wallpaper”. Really please don’t do that to us.

“I give because I know how it feels to want.”

you know the friendship’s real when there’s a rumor you’re gay for each other

Ah yes, tomorrow is the time to remove the mystery cubes from beneath the festive cone and tell tales of a large red intruder

anyone without a fireplace as a kid can relate to how horrific it was watching santa liquify and slowly ooze through heating vents

   Everybody’s talking about being a mistletoe virgin. I haven’t even seen mistletoe in real life
even my eyes are mistletoe virgins

   I would betray all of you in the Hunger Games

   sure is hard work being the emo cousin AND the gay cousin

I don’t think the other mercs are quite so enchanted with Pyro’s new pal he found in that old box in the gross pizza place outside town. He’s all sticky. And he only popped out because Pyro set his music box on fire.

I wish lesbians were as easy to find in real life as they are on tumblr

My house is strange. There’s me, i’m bisexual, and I live with my gay brother and my asexual fiance.
My brother and I have the same taste in boys, but i’m really the only one who likes girls, and my fiance is generally just really excited about dragons.

   i stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about

grandpa what the fuck did you just do!

You: *calls me ugly*
Me: *hopes you ain’t driving with that fucked up vision*

My mum didn’t know it was a TV show and she freaked out when she saw me googling ‘How To Get Away With Murder’
Long story short, she called the whole family round and gave us the standard ‘murder will not be tolerated in this family’ lecture


i perfer to remain anonymous
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
i'm an art college student working to try and get into the entertainment industry somehow, either in movies, tv, animation, comics, or videogames. mostly i want to be one of those people who you could see in the credits of some grand piece of entertainment media if you happened to pause at the right moment. to just give a worthwhile contribution so some big popular project that i could be proud of.

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Add a Comment:
cutewerewolfgirl Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Student Traditional Artist
You know what I noticed? Your Offenderman and comics always gave me something to laugh about when I was falling into depression. I mean it was part of what helped relieved it and I would like to say thank you Arc, thank you for making Smexy and those comics and for understanding, it has helped alot
cutewerewolfgirl Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student Traditional Artist
Hey Arc how's it going? Hope your not getting to stressed
InfinityFace2 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student General Artist
It's always awesome to skim through all of your works- 
arcanineryu Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student General Artist
thanks, glad you're having fun with it :3
InfinityFace2 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student General Artist
XD You are always welcomed!
Songbirdgirl13 Featured By Owner 3 days ago  New member
Hi arc! I want to let u know that I m a huge fan of yours and I would also like to announce something and I was hoping that u could help me. A Deviant has been sending death threats to others, and her name is XxWestVirginiaxX. If u have heard of her, please visit her page and look at my comments. I want her off DA. And if u haven't, just look her up. She was arrested but was released from jail to 'inconclusive evidence' *cough cough* bullshit *cough cough*
arcanineryu Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student General Artist
this issue seems mostly resolved, and there are more than enough people on the offensive against her.
I don't really see any way i would help this situation so im not going to get involved.

Although, have you used the google image search function yet?
because if you were able to find any of her artwork, chances are she might have reposted it on her main devaintart page, which means she could be tracked down through those images.
just make sure to gather all the information you can from her profile before letting her know she's been found.
Songbirdgirl13 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  New member
Thank u
MissCrossoverGirl Featured By Owner 5 days ago  New member
Hi Arc your one of my Heroes on DA and I just want you to know that. Your one of the reasons I'm still drawing. Your one of the most AMZONG artists out there. KEEP BEING AWSOME!
arcanineryu Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student General Artist
thank you, im glad to have been an inspiration for you, and i'll certainly be putting all my effort into being as awesome as i can (lol)
I really try to set a good example for you guys, and be as much of a help both through my artwork and just through chatting over deviantart and tumblr and stuff, although it is kind of a bummer that having so many fans makes it that much harder to help out more directly on an individual level.
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