Fanfic Joke Reference-EXAMPLE-

I i really wish someone had told me about this little trick earlyer, then maybe my first attempts at writing fanfic wouldn't have sucked so much i couldn't even bare to put them online.
One of the hardest fanfics to write are comedic ones, with many resorting to re-using old jokes and gags from the original movie or whatever the fanfic is based off of, which can make an otherwise interesting storyline seem too cheesy or lazy. But the sad fact is, unlike the actual writers of the movie/book, the fanfic writer is generally not a team of highly skilled comedians with many months to collaboratively work on the project until they reach an acceptable storyline, so in most cases this immediately puts the fanfic writer at an extreme disadvantage when it comes to telling their story, especially when it comes to writing superhero/villain stories because they are often expected to spout witty one liners at every turn. So I've found a way to help work around this, and put simply, it is to create a quote-reference for yourself.
Just go online and search for a bunch of quotes from characters who have a similar personality to the character your writing about, be they real or fictional, and then copy and paste them onto a document. Then when you come to a part of your fanfic that calls for a joke, search through your reference sheet untill you find one that can be altered to suit your needs. although sometimes simply reading all the funny quotes is enough to make you come up with your own joke.
This example was used for my creeper fanfics. it draws from the creeper, freakazoid, batman, joker, deadpool, jhonny bravo, spiderman, the webcomic Basic Instructions, invader zim, the simpsons, the flash, futurama, dilbert, the tick, animaniacs, superman, a few peoples signatures,Beetlejuice,The Mask and myself. i do not own most of these quotes,  those i did not create myself belong to the owners of the various things i listed previously.

Keep that in mind the next time someone drags you to an art gallery. Those blots and squiggles? They're blots and squiggles of freedom.

"If that asshole hates me, I must be doing something right!"

Nothing says new lock better than old brick through a window.

Is "homicidally good" an expression? Because it should be.

(on a tombstone) Here Lies Dirt.

your not a well person!
what? and your normal?

the safty inspector had an accident? but they're so carefull.

how would you like to go, regular or extra crispy?
how about in my sleep, at an obcenelly old age?

you cowards! wait for me!

night is my favorite time of day.

forget it, your too young to explode.

hey, just hypothetically here, if i were to have dropped an entire box of detergant into the washing machine set on high, what do you think would happen?
well i suppose it would explode in a mountain of suds.
(explosion)
yea, i was worried something like that might happen.
  
run for it he's gonna reminisce!

well you cant believe everything i say.

dont let it get you down. its not the first time you've been wrong.

Fortunately for you, you'll have a giant robot which is capable of kicking his way through most logistical challenges.

The only solution, after stealing everything from the rich to give to the poor, is stealing from the poor to give to the poor, which may not sound like it makes much sense, but when mulled over for awhile, you'll remember that you have a giant robot, so fuck sense.

i feel that holding those ill feelings inside of you for years is the kind of unhealthy behavior which leads to poetry.

I'm not gonna sit around bored outta my skull watchin' you losers mope

my rhythm's so bad i need sheet music for clapping

"Does that boy have a death wish, or is he just...'special'?"

"I might be doing something pointless, but at least I'm doing something."

hasn't anyone ever told you not to argue with an idiot? i'll just drag you down to my level and beat you with experience.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

i say if you cant beat them, get a bigger hammer.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

i say Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

batman, You are NEVER too old to learn something stupid.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

come on. we have alot of work to do before we can announce our total failure to make any progress

Thug: are you Batman?
Batman: No.
Thug: OK, let me know if u see him.
Batman: Will do.

Thug: What's that suppose to mean?
*turns around*
Thug: Pff, do you believe this guy?
Batman: I know right!
Thug:Yeah!
*turns around*
Thug: Wait a second..

the master of stealth.

Thug:Whats thats supposed to mean?(Turns to bat)
Batman:I dont know i could never get the jokers jokes.
ThugTurns back around then looks over rail)Aye Johnny did you get it?
Johnny:Naw!!! Im with Bats.

"Shh! Quiet, Robin! Thugs are like T-Rex - they can't see you if you don't move!"
*thug turns around* ... *thug turns back around* "Did I just see Batman?"
"See? So stay. Still..."

-Henchman turns around-
-BATMAN STARE-
Henchman: O_O Shiiiiiit.....

what is it with you and the constant jokes?
if i keep trying, then maybe someday i'll be funny

i need to get buff, MONTAGE TIME!

hey creeper, i dropped a quarter in the street earlyer today, you want it?
hell ya!

creeper, go play in traffic of something.
sure thing! wait, heavy or light traffic?
whatever has the lowest chance of you surviving.

what are your plans for the future?
i plan to buy as many lottery tickets as possible, win bout 50 mil, quit school, blow it all in one weekend and then become homeless.

rock is dead! long live paper an scissors

without me, its only aweso.

hey, being stupid is harder than it looks

Being crazy is its own reward

Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.

Have you ever been running and accidentally ran into a parked car and fell down and said, "I like cheesecake"?
Me neither.

If it's not here, it only means one thing... its somewhere else!

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world try to figure out how you did it."

creeper, bring me that wrench over there
I CAN'T FIND IT!
in other words "It didn't fall into your outstretched hands, and your completely clueless." sometimes i wonder why i even bother asking

I don't hate you hate is a strong word. I just loathe you with a fiery passion.

You say "Cheesy" like it's a bad thing.

"You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest and yet by far the most troublesome cargo I've ever had to carry.

You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil.

Haven't I killed you before?

It is a tale as told by an idiot, signifying nothing and serving no purpose but to waste your time

My Hobby: Replacing your soap with gravy

"Let me introduce you to the one great enemy of Charles Xavier..."
"STAIRS"

"Hey, fans! Don't take that lying down! Write an angry letter to DC today!"

The trouble with godhood is that it robs you of your finer judgment! And that is why we will never be the same. You are a mighty fighter, but in the end, you are only a selfish creature while heroes...heroes have an infinite capacity for stupidity! Thus are legends born!

Mister, maybe I'm just too dumb to collapse

What do you take me for? Of course I know what I'm getting into. I'm in a parallel universe fighting an alternate version of myself alongside a group of parahuman mercenaries who want me to help the wrongly accused Majestrix of...
Do you ever get halfway through a sentence and find yourself unable to believe that you're actually saying it?

Try not to die.

i think its stupid, but if anyone cared what i thought i wouldn't be here.

(to a semi-conscious Superhero, after having used them as a human shield) We had a team-up, you were great.

"Get ready if this doesn't work."

"Would you kindly point me in the direction of the sword-wielding aristo and the arm-eating retard? I have to punish them you see.

You don't hit me.
I slapped you. If I hit you, you'd be broken.

Holy ****. I just got pwned by a two-year-old girl.

"Okay, suckers, you've taken yer best shot! Now it's my turn!"

"Moments like this, I feel sorry for the kid. She cares for me, believes in me. but every so often, she gets reminded,  hard, that we come from two different worlds. An' that mine isn't very nice."

"I will stand between the coming attack and the innocents who cannot fight for themselves."

I said it before and I'll say it again..I'm not going to hide what I am. If I wanna kill a puppy on television...Then I won't think twice."

CITIZENS! It's time to be thrown violently to safety!

Go ahead. Pull the trigger. But after you do, bub... then you're mine.

$#%^ING UNICORNS!

How come my futures always stink?

Things change. People change. You. Me. Every one of us... Every day of our lives. The day ya' stop changin'... is the day ya' die.

I'm your worst nightmare...I'm a self righteous mutant who ain't afraid to take out anyone who gets in the way of what I want.

If you value your ability to sit comfortably, bub, then best drop that gun.

I refuse to die... upside down... It's too stupid...

I do so love it when a plan comes together.

You should talk about being defective, lady -- you're all over the place!

Ninety percent of accidents happen at home, bub.

Would it violate some kinda rule for you to speak English?

Well, I love mysteries. No, really, I do. 'Cause I can usually solve a mystery by beating the snot outta somebody.

"Say hello to the sidewalk for me, Spider-man!!"
"You talk to sidewalks? You're crazier than you look!"

I can see why a teleporter would be expensive, but shipping should be free.

I don't know what you are talking about, I was hella funny.

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me superman.

"Everyone, listen to me! These jerks killed Superboy. They've tried to kill us. Now they say they're going to tear this city apart. I say... like hell."

IMMEASUREABLY POWERFUL.
ABSOLUTELY NUTS.

I couldn't think of one clever way to stop this guy, so I just trusted to mindless Violence.

"I don't know what's worse, the fact that we are making small talk about the weather..or the fact that you could turn it on a dime into crime-fighting..."

"Why do you bother?"
"Because I can."

Flash: I wish I was dead
MM: You were.
Flash: Oh, right

"You know Peter dear, you cant just throw people at ALL your problems"

Wonder Girl: You did it, Conner. You saved the Earth. You saved everyone.
Superboy: I know, Cass. Isn't it cool?

And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit.

And that's just it, Doc, my mind has always been my Achilles' heel!

Blood covers The City like a big red afghan.

Can't lose my name, it's on all my stationery!

I'm about to write you a reality check. Or would you prefer the cold, hard cash of truth?

Destiny's powerful hand has made the bed of my future, and it's up to me to lie in it. I am destined to be a superhero. To right wrongs, and to pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evildoers everywhere. And you don't fight destiny. No sir. And, you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future, or you get all... scratchy.

Everybody was a baby once, Arthur. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once. Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope. And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception.

Heh, heh. Those darn ninjas. They're wacky.

Living rooms of America, do you catch my drift? Do... you... dig?

I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli.

Must...defy...laws of physics!

Ninjas aren't dangerous. They're more afraid of you than you are of them.

Ninjas can breathe underwater! They can dodge bullets at point blank range! They can walk up the sides of buildings! They can install telephones!

On your knees, Vodka zombie!

Roof pig! Most unexpected.

Sanity, you're a madman!

This is what we call the dénouement. That's French for "when we beat up the supervillain."

You can't possibly see through my disguise, Billy. This is a HYPNOTIC tie.

You're on a first-name basis with Lucidity. I have to call him Mr. Lucidity, which is no good in a pinch.

Yes, evil comes in many forms, whether it be a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin

I just had the strangest dream. I was taking some math test I hadn't studied for... and then you tried to saw off my head.

What good is science if no one gets hurt?

"Surf's up, Space Ponies! I'm making gravy without the lumps!"

Yeah! Keep playing with fire, superpants! You don't know how much fire you're playing with! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

Eat my smoke, copper!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. I'm easily distracted by shiny objects

I am that jerk!"

"And towards the front of the plane you might be able to make out five people in costumes having a fight with some dining room furniture."

whats your favorite color!!!!
blue, i mean plaid!

wait, what am i doing, i HATE spinach.

ha! it will take more than a household appliance to outsmart me!

for i am Ronny Lebowits! couch potato extraordinaire

nobody munches on MY pork-rinds and survives!

annoying arent i?

you cant win me over with your bribes of assorted cheeses, for i am, LACTOSE INTOLERANT MAN!

this sucks in new and interesting ways.

"They said I was sick in the head. They said I needed help. Well, maybe I'm a little Batty blame it on the Bats in my belfry!"

"Shoot the kids and drown the neighbors! We've got a winner!"

"It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic. Oh, what the heck I'll laugh anyway, AHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile."

"Shredding the instructions for the shredder. Talk about your mindblowing irony.....Dare I ?......Look at it go!....Now where the hell is that speed control?"

"You don't drop a piranha in the kiddie pool and stick around to watch the bubbles."

"Someone somewhere wants me crazy"

"No I am not paranoid cause I can say without a trace of irony you're all out to get me!"

"I think a good hunting accident would really open your mind."

VOTE FOR ME! or i'll kill you.

We laughed because it was absurd -- because we are. But you're not laughing any more. Neither am I.

"I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled kids! Now--BRING ME SANTA CLAUS! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  

Joker: "Which one is it?"
Lex: "The red button."
Joker: "Which red bu...Oh who cares!"

You know, kids, a lot has changed since your old Uncle Joker's been away. New Gotham, new rules, even a new Batman. But now I'm tanned, I'm rested and I'm ready to give this old town a wedgie again!

ive seen snappyer dresers st nudist colonies.

sorry but im chocking on your dumb fuckery

dammit! your too smart for me.

and because this is a pg 13 film, i even get to use the word fetish to describe what your wearing.

"Joker, you have been convicted of 20 counts of murder, 12 counts of kidnapping, and 17 counts of aggravated assault with a rubber chicken. you face execution tonight. You have had your last meal, and your will is in order. Any last words before we flick this switch, rip your body's nervous system apart with a couple thousand watts of electricity, and send you down to your dark maker?"
..."Can I have a glass of water?"

Give any guy a sword and he'll want to go pillage something.

well kids that's our show for today, now go outside and play, read a book, or pick a fight with your siblings!

oh well, i guess i'll just have to settle for my second favorite past time, REVENGE!

CELESTIAL TREE SLOTH ATTACK!!!

up up and that a way!

correct me if im wrong, but isn't the absence of authority figures usually a good thing?

ok, but isn't the onset of senility in a babysitter usually a good thing?

at your disservice!

you know what they say, the bigger they are, the louder they EXPLODE!

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?

Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.

Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!

Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith..

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

so let me get this strait, your not real, and im just crazy.
sure, lets go with that.
works for me.

the fact that she may be putting her life in danger never even crosses her mind, and with a blind naivete she searches the streets for crime to fight in her ridiculous costume.

look, im obviously the brains of this outfit, so how about you let me think of a way out before you get yourself killed.
why do you care if i kick the bucket?
you know when you have a favorite tv show and you don't want it to go off the air, that's you. your too dang funny to lose just yet.

you just made it possible to release a hell on earth! how can you count this as a success?!
because we learned a valuable moral lesson, or something.

quit clouding the issue with logic and "morals". lets fight!

you know i could almost swear your real.
they all say that.

that has to be the most ridiculous costume ive ever seen, and ive seen some real doosys.

you know what i like about you, you don't take yourself nearly as seriously as those other heroes. it makes you so much easier to hang around with.

well whats wrong with my costume?
everything.

sounds like someone needs a thesaurus.

having a floating man following me around all the time is really bad for my mental health.

and whats worse! we're both parody's!
whaaa?

wow, isn't spider man the greatest.
and what am i chopped liver?

i just love witty pre-fight dialogue.
would you shut up already? im trying to talk with the supervillain!
who are you talking to?
nobody.

im an incorporeal, invisible, and unattractive guy with an obnoxious personality to boot. what could i possibly have to do that's better than this?

i need some better material.

alright stay here while i get a dictionary, and then i'll tell you if what you said was funny or not.

did i ask for your opinion?
no, but the situation demanded it.

you know, im glad that one of my new superpowers is always smelling nice. i don't want to risk taking a shower with a creepy ghost guy following me around everywhere.


you got me fired from my job!
correction, you got you fired from your job. im just a spectator.

I love late-late night bordering on early morning movies.

Whats more fun than giving someone the measles?

Ive got remedy's you've never heard of! some of them even work.

Why waste the day sitting around your house, when you can waste it sitting around my house.

Lets see, junk mail, a chain letter, survey, jury duty notice, coupons. Hey! A real letter, how'd that get in there?

Hey, how's the weather down there?

Hmm, do I take fame and fortune, or continue my life of poverty. Fame and fortune, poverty, man it's so hard to decide!

Will you worry about me for once in a while!

Watch it, your straitening the wrinkles in my suit

Everythings back to normal!
Sure if you like that sort of thing.

A toxic dump next door is just one reason people are dying to live in this neighborhood

Never trust a clown with literary pretentions.

No see, ive always been an anti-establishment sort of guy. You know, footloose, fancy free, a rebel without a clue.

Unlike my political opponent who will lie and make promises he won't keep, I'll tell you right upfront, that I won't keep any of my promises!

Now that gets my goat for 2 reasons. One, its lowdown and dirty. And two, I wish I had thought of it.

I hate being heroic.

You're so fucked that the concept of fucked has turned in on itself and formed a fucked paradox that threatens to destroy the very fucked universe.

I learned that marriage isn't just about love, romantic intentions and raising kids. It means playing co-op through life; it means never being pinned down by life's nonstop hail of bullshit bullets again, because there's always somebody there to cover you while you sprint up and poetically drop the exploded shell of your sailboat right on life's goddamn head.

I was poor, and bought junkers which -- surprise! -- usually turned out to be pieces of junk. They would inevitably explode or implode (or, in one bizarre case, replode) at the worst possible time, and I could never pay to have them fixed.

"Yeah, I guess Dora the explorer is OK, but have you read the books? Way darker. Not just little kid stuff, like the show."


We're all very impressed that you have a network of caring individuals around you, but some of us burned all of our bridges to see the pretty flames, OK? We don't need you in here flaunting your precious social circles in everybody's faces.

But like everything else a 21-year-old says, that statement is a slurry of misconceptions, lies and probably also some recycled memes.

He's the kid with the brilliant ideas that, in retrospect, always turned out to be incredibly stupid and dangerous. Like that time he told everybody that there's some lighter fluid in the garage and he's pretty sure that tennis balls are flammable.

She's neck deep in denial, or my name is Priscilla Skeevoweenen. (And it's not.)

Sorry, I have more exciting things to do, like watch a snail cross the street!

quit clouding the issue with logic, this is melodrama.

I liked you better when you sat around doing nothing
And I liked me better when I could do long division, but I guess we're both gonna have to stop living in the past.

Well maybe next time you'll make sure to make your plans idiot proof.

She's more than a little weird.

You haven't tried beating me to a pulp yet.
Based on what I know of you already, that would only stiffen your resolve to annoy me.
You know me so well.

Right now it would seem that your only fighting tactic is to try and break their fists with your face until they feel sorry for you. We really need to work on that.
I could add pitiful sobbing.

Normal? Yea right.

Quit psychoanalyzing the antagonist.

Truer, not to mention more stomach churning, words have never been spoken!

Aww come on, id make a great mugger.

Bs and P? can you say that in a kids show?

Can you say fashion risk?

Ever heard of the phrase, kill them with kindness? Well I suggest we be so nice, it's sickening!

Nerd humor, you know I love it!

I know as much about computers as I know about hygiene.

Wow! I found it! And my parents said I would never succeed at anything.

For all that is holy, put on some pants!

Id give it a -3 out of ten.

If anybody asks, just hit them with a pie.

AHHH SHARKS! Bet you cant tell which ones the lawyer *snicker*

Beware of vampires that come bearing microwaves.


You rule your own world. Don't let anyone else take over it.

Screw reality! Live in your world!

Paint with your true colors, show us your strange side and release your inner child!

The best artists are never in reality.

Aww come on. A little bone-crushing excruciating pain never hurt no-body.

Later kid, im panicking.

Meh, good enough.

That's right go ahead and laugh!
Ok, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Are you nuts?!
YEA! (what gave me away?)

I know what you're thinking; I just did something really really stupid, didn't I.

You shouldn't have.
You mean you don't mind?
No, I mean YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE!

Quit clouding the issue with logic.

I'll do the impossible, the unimaginable, the unthinkable! I WILL CLEAN MY ROOM!!!!

The concept is I scare you, you scream, then I laugh like a maniac. Not the other way around.

Let's try to heal the world. One band-aid at a time.

"If I'd ask you to put a large elephant ass shitting bikes on this very stage you'll not ask 'how' but 'what colors are these bikes supposed to be'"
Anonymous director

"Shaboygen!"

Come on kids, lets get dangerous

Are you thinking what im thinking?
I don't think so

HOLY FLIPPIN DUCKS!!

Your waffles have sickened me. Fetch me the buck-ET!!!!

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye...and then it's like Hey! Free eyeball!

Never underestimate the power of cleavage

I want to be remembered as "That stubborn old man who just wouldn't die!"

Never ever show your scars. They'll see them when the time is right. Never tell people of your pain, they don't deserve to know it and if you show it off you don't deserve to be telling it.

Don't tell me, we gotta save them. How predictable

Don't worry, ive already got a plan. Just give me a minute to think of it.

I don't want to face my fears, im afraid of them

Im sure your wondering what the point of all this was, well let me tell you.Absolutely nothing

In one ear and out of his mind.

Me? Sarcastic? Nooooooo.

Im not weird, you're just to normal

Or ill knife you like a homeless person

Guess what? I don't care!

Oh of course, it burst into flames.

I didn't trip, im just testing the gravity, it still works.

Save a cow, eat a vegetarian

Wow I fail as a girl.

I like sharp things!

Hey, im proud to be a complete loser that nobody likes

Stand back. Im going to try SCIENCE!

Nobody ever suspects the butterfly

Study what you believe before you preach it to me.

Stop all this violence or ill kick your ass!

Im smiling, that alone should scare you.

Secretly, im an emotional disaster.

Just do what I do, blame someone else.

Its not that im mean, your just an idiot.

Im a little bit of psycho deep down, are you?

This is soooo childish! good thing I'm still a child.

Rules, there ought to be a law against em.

Ive got a terrible reputation, and id like to keep it that way!

Remember folks, don't attempt this at home, cause I have no idea what im doing.

You cant get away with that and get away with it!

Hey! Im my old abnormal self again!

Logic, you know I hate it.

Your ruining my exit into the sunset

That's what you think dweeb!

Its showtime!

If you ever need me, I'll be here; torturing innocent people... I mean! I'll be practicing the violin

I take "Freak " as a compliment

Is snark one of my new super powers?

Sorry toots but that would degrade my position as a figment of a deranged mind.

Id throttle you if you weren't intangible!

Meh, its not like I have anything better to do.

Hey babes, im going crazy, wanna go with me?

I could really go for some trouble right now.

Stop ringing your hands, its creeping me out.

Man im beat, good thing I don't have a job.

And after all ive done to you, uhh I mean for you.

There's gotta be a fair way to settle this.
yea but where's the fun in that?

Who would have thought smelling nice would be such an effective superpower.
   
This man is either an enduring symbol of the human spirit or tragically nearsighted.

As long as I don't have to wear a fruit hat. If I have to wear a fruit hat to save you, your life is in God's hands.

Hey, you're a girl, what do you think I should get her?
Id get her a romantic toaster.

3 words guaranteed to humiliate a man? Hold my Purse

I called your boyfriend metro and he hit me with his purse!

your really no help at all are you?

Great Scott. My pizza-sense is tingling.

Mmm. Frosted Sugar Bits. The great taste of frosted sugar in bits.

Ehh, e-everyone stay calm... because we're all doomed!

Enough about me, now let's talk about... me.

Dog... donkey... Well, they both start with the letter "N"...

villager: We are a village of terrible cowards. Even the meowing of the tiny kitten makes us cry like a little girl.
Johnny Bravo: Boo.
villager: Aaaaargh!
Johnny Bravo: Okay, your story checks out.

What kind of idiot are you?
I don't know, what kinds are there?

Prison Warden: What we have here is a failure to communicate!
Johnny Bravo: What?
Prison Warden: What we have here is a failure to communicate!
Johnny Bravo: Huh? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

Johnny Bravo: Hey, look everyone, I got a mango.
Momma: That's a telegram, sweety.
Johnny Bravo: Right, what did I say?
Momma: Just read it, dear.
Johnny Bravo: "to unseal envelope peel back flap and..."

You must be hungry. Let's get you a bottle, and me a tourniquet, to stem the massive blood loss.

"I am Johnny Bravo, the one-man army!"

"Work?! (Screams in horror)"

"(After a random story) And then my pants fell down."

"I came, I saw, I broke a hip."

"4%? That's almost 5%"

"Neighbor kid help! Witch's curse shrank me! Cops chasing me! I live with my mom! NO MOTIVATING GOALS!!!"

"And that's when I realized my underwear was on my head, the whole time!"

"This is gettin' mighty old mighty fast."

thank goodness your alive! now you can explain to me who the #$%@ you are!

if someone wants to know what the hell your doing, its often because they know what your doing, but dont want to face it.

i made myself into a masking tape mummy.

we need to talk.
let me rephrase, you need to listen.

apparentlly another problem with me is my sarcasm is too subltle.

well yes, there is that one downside, but all in all i feel its worth it.

i think youve perverted my intention.
yes, by useing it for good!

we all have to explain our spouses behavior, but sometimes your spouses actions will defy rational explination.

one up side of haveing a conversation with a moron is that ocasionally you learn they are not as supid as they seem.

brilliant! theyre indestuctable because theyre pre-destructed!

id never go on a show with that name, but i would watch it every week.

heck i cant wait to read the rejection letter

the only civilized way to settle this dispute is to fight it out! choose your prefeered method of combat.
i choose vilolence!
very well, a vilolent fight it shall be!

you'll change your mind when i slap you into submission with my jazz hands of fury!!

Victory never felt more humiliateing

Hmm, vicotory through inaction, works for me!

When you think about the sheer amount of crap people say to you every day, its no surprise that you mishear some of it.

I am horrified by your plan, and would like to invest

Children are a cowardly, superstitious lot.

This episode was the greatest thing to happen to crap enthusiasts since the word crap.

cheese-eating surrender monkey

"All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once. Am I right? You had a bad day and everything changed."

More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle.

Lady, you're harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids

hey joker, I found a hive of killer bees, wanna go throw rocks at it?
Go away im busy.

What are you really scared of Bats? Not being able to save Commissioner Gordon in time? failing to save this cesspool of a city? Me...IN A THONG?

"there is a bunny in the moon for anyone willing to see it!"

"In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out."

" Makes you want to Laugh.. Doesn't it Artie"

"Hello Hello Operator I believe my Party has been Disconnected"

Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, "Not very well". Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!"
   
I sense we are kindred spirits, you and I. Oh, there are differences, to be sure... like hair.

I Dig! Be back in a-- Flash!

Those were for charity

Out of my way, monsters -- I've got a job to do!

what else could possibly go wrong?

STOP BEFORE I MAKE YOU STOP!

Orion: Flash?
Flash: Hey guys!
Orion: You're tied to a very large boomerang.
Flash: Yeah? What are you guys doing here?

Flash: I can't think; I'm tired and hungry.
Police detective: Maybe some coffee will help. How do you take it?
Flash: Cream, and 37 sugars.

Gorilla Grodd: You're a bigger fool than I thought.
Flash: Yeah? Well, you're... naked!

Grodd: Humans are slow, ugly, immoral, and have an unpleasant body odor!
Flash: Hey, who you calling slow?
Green Lantern: Flash, don't heckle the supervillain!

What is it with this century?

Sure. I can metabolize the alcohol by running around the house. In the meantime I think I'll just stand here and see how much I can drink.

Don't eat people...

I'm getting lectured on child safety from a man who's gone through four Robins?

Let me get this straight. You're saying I'm not qualified to be a security guard? You have no idea how funny that is.

You know, every time someone has a "team-up", rumors hit the spandex grapevine. We all talk. The Ray is a mooch. Halo will talk your ear off, and Animal Man and his family actually send fruit baskets.

hugbees!!

I am invincible! Invincible I sa—OWWWWW

THAT DOG HAS A PUFFY TAIL!!

Must kill joker, also WHEEEEEE!!!

AHHHH! BEES!

No way, forget it, I may occasionally kill out of anger, or to illustrate a point, but im no mass murderer

Annnd you! I don't know you, but im sure you're a jerk!

Hate world, revenge soon, take out on orange juice industry

Wow that sucked I mean ive seen things suck before but that was the suckyest thing that ever sucked..

I love you…

Well if he didn't want his car ruined he should have done a better job of hideing his keys.

Yea but whatr yu gonna do.

I have a crippleing fear of clows.
But you work for the joker!
how do you think i acquired this fear?

(Keep saying no to a perfetlly calm and unthreatening conversation whith increaceing fear in voice before runningaway)

English? Who need that. Im never going to England.

Hey, just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand!

Fine, I will be your sidekick, but mark my words, every day I will make you regret your decision, every day I will do the most half assed job possible, and bide my time.  until finally that fatefull hour will come, in which my crippling stupidity will be the death of you. Just like the average American worker!

(while holding a flamethrower)In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics! Ah Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Im going out joker, if I don't come back avenge my death!

If this was an after school special you'd pay dearly..

all I know is my gut says maybe…

I just knew he would run off someday, why, why didn't I break his legs!!

I don't care how educational it is, lets do it!

the use of words expressing something other than their literal intention, now that is irony.

yea? Well if your so evil, then… EAT THIS KITTEN!!

With Krinkles the Clown as the mascot, every serving of Sugar Krinkles now had the vitamins and minerals of one handful of flesh and the fear you need to get you going in the morning.

If you're ever diagnosed with crippling insanity, you can always get a job designing corporate mascots.

Commander Cuckoo-Bananas

Im not sure, im afraid we need to use …. math

There also exists, however, a group that rebels against the orthodox school of criminal thought.

There is an undeniable streak of genius in employing snakes or Star Trek props in your crimes, because sufficiently weird weapons like that will keep the victims from taking a good look at your face, making future identification very difficult indeed.

Either crime is apparently way harder than it looks, or else criminals are a whole lot stupider than we previously thought possible.

It would seem that his only mode of transportation is charging through walls.

Although I know a great deal about fighting from things I've read on webpages, I can remember none of this at the critical time and am quickly overpowered-

Unfortunately I had forgotten everything that happened there, and was forced to fabricate this entire story based on scraps of movies I'd seen, as is my manner.

BAD MAN,HIT DOG,WITH STREET!

All right Mr. Knock Everything Over

Ok buddy, im taking off the kid gloves, and putting on the very mad gloves

"SOMETIMES I JUST FIND STUFF AFTER I TALK!"

Tickled to death

The practice of leaving subtle clues and speaking only in double entendres makes for a nice, cerebral game of cat-and-mouse, I'm sure, but it's potentially very confusing for naive idiots.

Losing your temper yet, Lex? I'll let you in on a little secret. I lost my temper long, long ago, and I've never found it. Maybe it's under one of the sofa cushions! Pain? You can't stop me by hurting me! Don't you know me at all? Pain is my boon companion! My stalwart friend! I am alive with pain every moment of every day, Lex! Ever since that fateful day when I was baptized in a vat of chemical goo, that corrosive stuff has burned through my skin like fire. Pain is my One True Love! I admire your willingness to do violence, Lex. Because you have no problem doing it when you have to. But I'm different, Lex. I do violence because it's fun! You're good at your job, Lex. But me? I LOVE MY JOB!

Angular what? Talk English, professor.

Set your brains on stunned, kids ...

Normally I'm the fastest man alive, but not when I'm caught in a death grip by an armored madman with murder in his eyes.

We have the greatest technology in the universe in our hands, and you have to tape up little paper signs?

Years ago I used to hang out with a group called the Teen Titans. We were a junior Justice League dedicated to fighting crime, protecting democracy, listening to rock and roll -- and trying to score with Wonder Girl

"I'll never look at a Stegosaurus the same way!"
"you mean you've looked at one some way before?"

Ready for a fun filled day in Murderworld?
Yup. I've got my sunscreen on and I've taken my motion sickness pills so bring on the rides!
Oh, I don't think you understand. You're going to die here.
I know! Carnivals always slay me.
No. You are going to physically die... as in stop breathing. You will cease to exist.
Riiiiiight... So do you have bumper cars here?

"My common sense is tingling."

oh yeah sorry guess i have to kill you now
okay but im going to really miss me when im gone

Deadpool(to "Daredevil): See how you like it when I smack you with an interspatial distorter that will temporarily phase your brain into Dimension X!
"Daredevil": This is an ipod with a piece of masking tape attached to it.
Deadpool: It is...Ah, but for a second there, you were really worried!
"Daredevil": Idiot.

this fight is totally unnecessary.
Blasphemy all fights are necessary!

Did you ever think that to the nuts inside, the peanut is like their whole universe?  I mean they could fall in love and never be together because the shell separates them.  So close, but their cruel prison --the shell-- keeps them apart.  It's so sad!  How they must hate their cruel master, The Shell, uncaring despoiler of legume romance! And then one day, They're free!  And it's like, "let's dance, you hot salty nut!"

Sweet do I get a new car too?

Wait a minute we aren't gonna fight doom no one told me that! i want lawyer i want my mommy i want my lawyers mommy

lets wear elbow pads and shin guards with spikes coming out of them.

Talking-like-shatner

for the love of bill gates this thing is adorable.

Whatever happens, remember to protect me.

now where is the code to shut off the bomb oh wait now i remember i wrote on my hand.

i got the perfect name for ya
THE DARK KNIGHT
wait thats terrible..

"The answer to your first question is SHADDUP! "

Dp-no ward of mine is going to be drinking.
Cable-i am not your ward.
Dp-shaddup

Weasel: At least you got a card out of it.
DP: The card was blank! He just wanted to delay me long enough to flee!
Weasel: He must've known how long it would take for you to figure it out...

well when you gotta go you gotta go

If I wasn't already, I think this kid could actually drive me crazy...

There's a little piece of me inside you, by way of my Joker Venom. That sort of makes us family.

This town isn't big enough for two homicidal maniacs.
two? what about all those other homicidal maniacs?
well they're not nearly as annoying as you.

The only real winner here was magnificent stupidity.

Just when the whole affair couldn't get any stupider, it did.

"I could say I wasn't enjoying this but I'd be LYING!!"

Id rather rush in and start breaking things!

Lets clear this up, what hurts more?

Nah, im just gonna keep beating you with this crowbar.

I suppose I should salute you as a worthy adversary, but to be honest that was kinda disappointing. I expected better from the creep who ruined my life., heh heh heh heh.
Aww, come on. Im going easy on you. Were one and the same now, heck you could even say were family. like Father and daughter, Or maybe crazy uncle and niece. Im just trying to get you to understand that. Why, calling me a creep, is like calling yourself a creep.
Fine then, im a creep. Creep-creep-creep! Just call me the creeper!

Blah blah blah!!!!!!!

In retrospect, maybe creating a mini me wasn't such a good idea

She's even crazier than I am!

You know, she's a wild, delirious, demented, deranged, and all around insane screwball that threatens to bring gotham to its knees, id be really proud if she wasn't trying to kill me.

Come, GIR. Let us rain some doom down upon the heads of our doomed enemies.

Good question. but  I don't care!

Somebody needs a hug!

Zim: Be gone with you! I've had enough of your nonsense from your smelly mouth filled with... corn!
Dib: But I haven't been eating corn
Zim: [shouts] Liar!

Creep? Creep? I like it. My new name: the Creep!... No, wait. Too negative. I have it! I am - drum roll, please?
[silence]
The Creeper: I said drum roll, please!
Cur: [Banging on his head] Hey!
The Creeper: I am... The Creeper!

I'd better slow down here, try to figure out logically what's going on.
[Creeper thinks for a second, the sound of something breaking is head as he grabs his head]
The Creeper: Whoa, that hurt! Okay, we'll come back to that...

You dare agree with me? Prepare to meet your horrible doom!

Oh I know all kinds of things about you. Pretty creepy, huh?

Oh. Ok... WAIT! THAT'S TOO BAD!

Your methods are stupid; your progress has been stupid; your intelligence is stupid!

Prepare your bladder for imminent release!

So very alive. And filled with goo! *Mission* goo!

They locked down their fortress - with locks!

I'm gonna roll around on the floor for a while. KAY?

If you don't mind me saying, that's the stupidest plan ive ever heard of.  What were you thinking, that's just dumb! Explain it to me. I expected a lot more from you than this,

Wait, why am I thinking about this now. Ive got important superhero-type work to do.

If im not back in 5 minutes, keep waiting

Hey, who wants some pot roast and cola?!

You're not a failure kid. It's just that your ideas are silly and dumb

What was the point, lad? What's your plan?
OK, I know you're gonna be mad but I forgot the rest of my plan.

I went to all the trouble to think up this brilliant plan, the least you can do is chase me around.

We interrupt this program to increase dramatic tension.

Well, of course he's real to *you* dear, but that's because you're probably insane.

At least let the boy go!
No.

That was shallow, cheap, and based solely on hormones. Works for me!

They called me mad! Insane! yellow!

I am stronger than you, faster than you, and a better dancer than you.

Now, I shall have my revenge on you because of what you did to me! I make little kids go ewwwwwww because of you!

What am I supposed to do again?

Allow me to be the first to say, "Ouch!"

How come you don't say anything useful?

Who are you people?

That's so very, very sad

If you ever make me solve one of your dumb riddles again I will personally fill your pants with relish!

Buddy-up for saftey!

Can't-see-any-thing--sun-in-eyes--must-talk-like-this
.
And while I may have been losing a sidekick, I knew I was gaining a mortal enemy

If I want to blintz myself into some peanut butter induced hallucination thats my business.

Prepare to GROVEL FOR MERCY!!!

Revenge is a dish best served with a bowl of rice. It's the perfect side dish you know!

Believe me Mr. President you do not want to go out there,

I know this looks bad but I think I'm gonna escape!......  I was WRONG!!

What gives?

I know what you're thinking, where did he get those snazzy binoculars??

Hello Destiny! I was seeing your friend Duty! He says very bad things about you~!

The Freakazone is where I have all my profound thoughts. Heres one now 'Take.. over Switzerland.. get all the chocolate!' off the top of my head-What do you want from me??

Oh that's right, enemy aircraft are bad. Got it! Filed! Stored!

Only America could produce an imbicile of your caliber.
That's because we make lots of things better than other people!

Food so good, you can eat it!

Just keep telling yourself: it's only a TV show.

We protest you calling us "little kids". We prefer to be called "vertically imparied pre-adults".

Citizens of Anvilania, I stand before you, because if I was behind you, you couldn't see me.

I think this uniform needs something; something that says "I'm here to destroy you", but with a sense of fun!

Be afraid. . .be very afraid. . .

Wait a minute. You expect us poor, innocent children to climb up dangerous scaffolding and paint naked people all over a church?

In most cases, revenge is not a good thing. In other cases, it's the only thing.

If I were a better person, I'd ignore her and go on with my life. But I'm not.

Of course you realize this means WAR

And today's moral is... Never ask what hot dogs are made of..

And now for another--- Useless Facts!

The world is a carousel of walnuts! Beautiful colorful walnuts!

I know when im not wanted! I know when i should just go home! ..... Now, is not one of those times.

We'd love to stay here and count our brain cells as they DIE one by one, but we can't...

I CANT THINK RASHIONALLY!! I'M A TEENAGER!!!

I'm trying a new catchphrase...

Only my hair dresser knows for sure!

Miss I'm afraid you have to take off your bracelets. If I could do that, I would have thrown these things in the trash compactor weeks ago.

That's quite touching in a vapid and pointless way

Not just cause your, but because your part of the whole mankind whale tree thing

Commander Cuckoo-Bananas

can i ask you a question?
no.
heres the question.

dont you have anything better to do?
better? yes! more fun? not even close!

ironically, the truelly deranged seldom see a need to defend their mental state.

hey, you ok? lately youve been acting a little parinoid.
your working for them arent you?

i knew that, and im releived to know that you know it too.

yes you've been lied to your whole life, but look on the bright side, next year you'll be in on it!

you own 3 already that you never use!
well now i own 4....that i'll never use.

and this makes you "sad".
it did before this conversation.
happy to help.

(response to trying to disquise a yawn)
are you haveing a stroke?!

you're profiting from my humiliation!
no im profiting from my own cuelty. your humiliation is a by-product.

im in an irrational, murderous rage, but im too sleepy to act on it

so now you're a healthyer kind of disgusting, great.

heat, pressure, time. the three things that make a dimond, also make a waffle.

you were trying to juggle again werent you.

thank goodness your alive! now you can explain to me who the #$%@ you are!

we need to talk.
let me rephrase, you need to listen.

apparentlly another problem with me is my sarcasm is too subltle.

well yes, there is that one downside, but all in all i feel its worth it.

i think youve perverted my intention.
yes, by useing it for good!

we all have to explain our spouses behavior, but sometimes your spouses actions will defy rational explination.

one up side of haveing a conversation with a moron is that ocasionally you learn they are not as supid as they seem.

brilliant! theyre indestuctable because theyre pre-destructed!

you'll change your mind when i slap you into submission with my jazz hands of fury!!

if someone wants to know what the hell your doing, its often because they know what you're doing, but dont want to face it.

i made myself into a masking tape mummy.

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying "Damn, that was some fun shit!"  

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself,where the heck is the ceiling.

Words can't describe how awesome I am

The Only thing I can say  about that...Oh,Snap!

Guns dont kill  people,people kill people.......but the Gun helps

Sometimes you have to push a few old ladies down the stairs in order to save the world.
   
You dare agree with me? Prepare to meet your horrible doom!

Not everyone is meant to make a difference. But for me, the choice to lead an ordinary life is no longer an option

No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, the ones I love will always be the ones who pay…

Let me ask you, and be honest, are you stupid? Or really, really stupid?

I need a place to change! A phone booth--? Nah! Even I'm not that corny!

I might as well face it...being Spider-Man is just plain habit-forming! It's like going out with girls!..I can't give it up!

Have no fear! Creeper is here!

Now don't get the feeling that I'm mad at you... It's just that I hate anybody to skip around town in a jazzier costume than mine!

I can't let a common cold put me out of action! Otherwise, next time around, I'm liable to cry uncle if I develop some dandruff... or a case of chaffed lips! I might even become the only super-hero in town who won't fight because he's got acne!

Whoa! I haven't seen this many villains, thugs, and lowlifes in one place since I watched C-Span's coverage of congress yesterday!

I own the night. I'm your worst nightmare come to life, punk, and you're looking right at--*Kof!* *Hack!*  alright, enough with the scary voice

Must. Wash. Brain...!

I should start a blog.

I don't even know what I just blabbered. Just pick the one that made the most sense.

For a second.. the last second before my brain shuts off and I become all body, I can't help but think what a bad idea this is... And I smile. Bring It On.

I'm done. Done accepting things the way we are. I swear to you... from now on... whenever I'm around, wherever I am... ...No one dies!

Listen to me hot stuff! It's a private fight between the Penguin and me!

if this is a victory... I'd hate to be defeated.

People are always warning me! It's nice to know they care!

Wow, you know you're in crazytown when Joker's the voice of reason.

The thing is, you're so mock-able. I'm sorry, but you wear a mask and use your own name? That's not a secret identity, Bats. That's just an identity. With a mask.

Hey Meatballs -- Yer sister plays the tuba!

Ta-Taa! No applause folks -- Just throw money!

So, as someone once said, --- Up --- Up --- and AWAY!

I'm sorry... ...but this whole adventure was ridiculous!

Well -- It was nice knowing all of you.

My Aunt lives around here, by the way. Do you know what the sound of gunshots does to her property value?

Getting caught in a battle between two god-like beings is not how I planned on spending my day.

I guess it's easy to laugh in the face of danger when you don't take anything too seriously.

Oh, fought some crime, saved the world with a war-maiden in chain mail bikini, had my blood sacrificed to an ego-maniac with a skin condition... you know, the usual.
Have I been wrong all these years? Is snark a spider-ability?

And we shall be called... the Fellowship of the Ring.

Make with the smashing!

Didn't expect me to have gas pellets in my boots, huh?
Ah ha! The old gas-pellets-in-the-boot trick, eh?

Y'know Spider-Man -- You can be such a loud-mouthed show-off jerk at times!
Yeah, the same goes for you.

Where are your taunts now, costumed clown!?
Where d'you want 'em, Baldy?

Don't bother trying to talk them into anything -- they're under such heavy-duty brain-washing it's a miracle they can walk and attempt murder at the same time!

It involves time travel. 'Nuff Said.

you're so fat that when you get on a scale, it says: One At a Time.

"Hang in there. I´ll get you out of here so you can... Um, go to prison and stuff."

Wait one second. Hoo boy. Ah. OK, All right, I'm ready now. Really...
SNORT!
No, I'm NOT!
BWA HA HA HA! HA HA HA..Ahhh! Man, I needed that.

Aw gawd. I wanna sit next to somebody else.

Jeez, Creeper, do you ever shut up?
Not while I'm awake.

Well, we should glare at each other menacingly more often. But I do have to leave...
did you glue my feet to the floor?
Maybe.
What possible satisfaction could you get from that?
See? You don't understand me and I don't understand you.
Kingpin: Spider-Man. Having you here is a real treat.
Spider-Man: If I were you i'd cut down on the treats.

dococ: (to a prone Spider-Man) And who sent you? The NYPD? SHIELD? Or are you another of Osborn's flunkies?
sm: Actually, I'm with the haircut police. There's a $50 dollar fine on bowl cuts in this city.
Silence, human. Your feeble attempts at humor have always annoyed me.

sm: Um..this may not be the best time to tell you, but..
Torch: But what?
sm: I don't have a license.
Torch: Great.
sm: And I'm wanted for murder.
Torch: Anything else?
sm: I think I'm pregnant.
Torch: Stop it!

Did it ever occur to you that maybe...just maybe...if you're nice to people, they might LET you rule the world?

Human Torch: It's the Red Ghost and his super apes... and they're stealing your car!
Spider-Man: Worse... they're getting monkey fur on my upholstery!
(Spidey fires a webline at the speeding car and gets dragged against the street)
Spider-Man: Ow! (to super apes) Hey! Quit changing the stations on the radio! Those are preset! PRESET!

sm talking to himself...
sm: Good boy Lassie. Now, to--
sm: No. I have to say it. I've waited my whole life to say this.
sm: [outloud] You see inspector? I was right! THE BUTLER DID IT!
sm: I am SO nine years old.
sm: Nine-and-a-half come July.
sm: Stop that.
sm: Okay, now we get serious. We know he came in here...and we know he didn't come out...but we can feel him going down.
sm: We? Stop that.
sm: Roaches check in, but they don't check out.
sm: Peter...has it occured to you that your brain started getting a little funny right around the same time that you got dizzy?
sm: Of course, puberty had pretty much the same effect, but still--
sm: Peter, you should really stop talking to yourself in the third person. You're starting to creep me out.

I'm not aiming to lose you, big mouth! I'm just gonna smash you into the middle of next week!
Good! There's a T.V show on then that i've been dying to see!

Hey ugly! Is that a horn or are you just happy to.... wow, I'm so scared I can't even finish my lame joke

That's it. I've officially run out of ways to say 'ow'.


(thinks to self) he hates when I sneak up on him.
(thinks to self) I hate it when he sneak's up on me!

Hi, I'm Luke Skywalker and I'm here to save you. Sorry, I always wanted to say that.

You know, I'll never forget the words of the last guy who threatened me: Not in the face, not in the face!

I'm sensing...losers!

Good news? You'll be on tomorrow's front page. Bad news? It'll be a picture of me beating the daylights out of you.

"Don't you mock me!"
"I mock, I'm a mocker."

You want some aloe vera for that burn?

Betty: Mr. Jameson is a decent man, down deep.
Peter: We talking Marina Tench deep or Dante's 9th Circle deep?

APOLOGIZE!!
NEVVERR!!

"Ah man, my money."

"Alright Sandman, show me whatcha got; or better yet, I'll show you."
"Wow, you sure showed me.

that is, unless you want all your organs ON THE OUTSIDE!

The only real winner here was magnificent stupidity.